So, YOU will have to make changes. It's either going to be "leave him" or "learn to deal with it." And while I've had to learn to "deal with" a lot of crap in StepHell, this over sexualized relationship (I read all your prior posts) is not something I could come to terms with. I mean, she MOONED HER DAD as an adult. Her azz was 3" from her dad's face. That's disgusting! 

Confronting your DH will do nothing just as it didn't work the first time. And let me LOUDLY say this. Please do NOT fall into thinking this is your fault...that you aren't giving your DH what he needs. This is a man who is playing right along with this disgusting game. 

One other option would be marriage counseling but you will need to find someone with experience in the High Conflict step world and Mini Wife syndrome. But I'm thinking your DH want do counseling. Apparently, he likes what he has with his mini wife.

Sorry you are dealing with this. I deal with a MW also but no where near this degree. 

Not disgusting: telling dad he's handsome, pretty, putting makeup on your dad, taking dad's arm, such a gentleman, dad you are running you look so fit, hug, kiss on forehead/ cheek, sitting next to dad at dinner, telling dad you love him, giving dad gifts for special occasions( ex. Mugs, sunglasses, golf clubs, cards, ties, clothes, dumbbells, jerseys

Disgusting once adult: telling dad he's sexy, cute has beautiful muscles, looking and making comments at dad without a shirt, wiping dad's mouth with SD napkin, SD feeding dad from SD plate/with SD fork, holding dad's hand with fingers intertwined, kissing dad's hand which he then reciprocated by kissing cheek,  taking dad's arm to feel on his arm muscle- he puts arm around daughter's waist, hug that lingers, arms around each other on couch, kisses anywhere else besides cheeks and foreheads, sleeping on daughter's lap, sleeping on dad's lap,  sitting on dad's lap, gifts of underwear, sexy anything or things that make him feel young or virile, SD sitting on underwear next to dad, going to the bathroom with door open, texts that contain any of the words/phrases/emoji you would use with romantic partner. SD putting her hand on dad's leg or butt/ anywhere near the genital area( small of back, waist belly thigh) .

Not surprised that SD is dating an older man. This is NOT an issue of YOU not giving enough it's an issue of DH NOT GIVING YOU ENOUGH and being INAPPROPRIATE with his daughter. He is desperate for affection because that is how he is. 

AGAIN: THE ISSUE IS HIM NOT YOU. 

PS I had not read the previous posts before I wrote my lists of behaviors. Now that I have read the earlier posts I want to bold and underline and shake you awake. YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM. if they tick even two of the behaviors in the inappropriate lists then there is something wrong. They are having a emotional affair. I would read some articles about men who cheat( I understand how disgusting it sounds) and steel myself for one last conversation before leaving. YOU DESERVE BETTER.

This isn't a YOU problem. This is an enmeshed dynamic between a father and daughter. They are sick together, and you're the collateral damage/side piece. Your H isn't emotionally available, so he can't be a true H to you. And regardless of how many bfs or Hs SD has, the enmeshment will continue.

Read up on enmeshment aka emotional incest. You'll learn it's a very difficult dynamic to change, especially when it's gone on for so long. Your H would have to recognize how inappropriate it is, and WANT to change. Then you'd have to find a therapist skilled in dealing with EI, which wont be easy, and he'd have to do the work to change. Even THEN, his daughter would still be enmeshed and thus continue to be a problem. Your H would probably have to cut her off completely. Do you honestly think he's capable of so much change, and at such an age?

Realistically, the smart bet is to strategically prepare an exit plan and save youself. My FIL was enmeshed with my middle-aged SIL until he took his last breath. Without him, she didn't know how to take care of herself, and lived a miserable existence for several years before also dying. It's easy to blame skids for bad behavior, but in truth it's the parent who permits and fosters enmeshment.

I came to this site over a decade ago; it's where I first heard of enmeshment and found a name for the creepy relationship FIL and SIL had. Others have posted about their problems with enmeshed partners, so you're not crazy or alone. I can think of only one whose (younger) H realized his mistake and got into therapy. As for the others? Most divorced. A few (older) stayed until their Hs died, emotionally disengaged and riding it out mainly for financial reasons. Some of the sicker, narcissistic Hs went scorched earth on their wives when called out. But there are ZERO examples of enmeshment being "cured". It's a hydra - cut one head off, and you'll still have big problems.

"I am going to individual counseling to work on how to deal with the feelings that arise whenever I know he and his daughters either communicate with each other or see each other."

Did you continue with your own individual counseling?  What did the counselor say?

I agree that this problem is not at all about YOU but is about the toxic relationship between your DH and SD. 

I will give you a bit of advice you may not want to hear... DO NOT look at your DH's texts anymore. I know it is so tempting and it is so vindicating to see evidence that the toxicity continues but it is only poisoning your own mind. The only one reading those texts who is hurting, is you.  It's damaging your self-esteem and firing up your doubts about YOURSELF. That is not a healthy reaction when the situation is far, far beyond your control.

If you are still seeing your counselor, please ask for specific coping mechanisms to be able to disengage from this.  I am sure the first advice would be to stop looking at texts, stop trying to glean any kind of information about SD, don't respond to any information about SD (change subject)

Learn to completely disengage. It doesn't mean that the dysfunction isn't still there, it only means that you no longer have to be a witness or involved with it. 

As long as your DH isn't taking anything away from your marriage (finances, significant time, etc.) then pretend any attention he does give to SD is something to ignore. 

It is time for them to go.  So, make that happen.

Save yourself. Let them rot in their nasty incestuous choices.  Whether they are emotional, physical, or both.

I have not followed your previous texts, but it appears that you know your husband and his daughter have a sexual relationship, at the very least, emotionally. I would bet far more. What in the hades are you waiting around for? A 3-way?! Okay, I'm being flippant here, but really, get your ass an attorney and get the hades out of that incestuous hell hole! 

One more thing, I'm sorry you were fooled into marrying the perverted man you have and it surely hurts alot. Get out, please, and then go get counseling to find our why you've stayed so long. 

I know others have said this and you know that you shouldn't, but maybe to stop your impulses, take his messages off your other devices so you can't access them and/or set up a reward system for yourself, e.g. go 2 days without checking his messages = manicure, 1 week without checking messages = facial (or a new LV handbag depending on what motivates you!). Soon your brain will no longer be dependent on the dopamine hit it gets from seeing the continued dysfunction. Worked for me.

I had responded earlier but reading the post again( my apologies for skimming somewhat ) I realized you'd been there for 14 years. So I want to amend my earlier post.

The Original problem continues and will continue TO BE DH( until he no longer exists and longer I presume) However when you know that the problem exists and it bugs you for 14 years...

THE PROBLEM BECAME YOU WHEN YOU CHOSE TO KEEP STAYING.

Now you are using going to the psychologist,: this website and (I'm Assuming here) anyone who still cares to listen about the pervy DH AND HIS GROOMED DAIGHTER in order to avoid the action that comes from admitting the truth.. You are using every ounce of extra energy you have to snoop on a man grooming his daughter and to stay in the situation of a third wheel.

Only you can admit the truth to yourself and decide and follow through on that action( wether it may be staying or leaving). But first you gotta admit you are staying in a situation that is abusive but that you are doing that to yourself. DH does not care to do that to you because for the past 14 years he's been too busy with his  daughter-wives.  

If I were in your situation I would've been out already a loong time ago..

Your DH and SD's relationship makes me want to go take a shower to wash the "ick" right off of me!  This isn't healthy and somehow, someone has to tell him.  If you have to shame him into understanding that it's sick behavior, by reading some of these comments, then do that. 

I'm at a loss.  Infidelity is infidelity.  Incest is incest.  Inappropriate behavior is just unacceptable.  What do you want to happen? I mean, really...when you sit down and think about your relationship with him; what would you like to see happen?  What would you want his response to be when confronted with your feelings? 

You're right.  He's going to find out that you've read his texts.  But are we supposed to have "secret texts" from our spouses?  Maybe I'm in the minority, but our phones sit on the counter, with no pass codes on them.  Either one of us can view them at any time.  Sometimes he makes calls using my phone.  I don't mind because there is nothing on there that he can't see.  He NEVER uses his cell phone, so there is definitely nothing to see there either.  The idea that he's having '"secret texts" with his daughter in the first place, in my opinion, is just off.  Ick.
 

Take it from someone whose DH was emotionally unfaithful (but not with his daughter, so that make your situation even worse).

Your DH will have to do the work to change his behavior. Will he? I gave my DH two options: either find a therapist or find a new place to live. We both spent several years healing, both of us in individual therapy. He spent a good bit of time being angry with ME, hating MY therapist, and gaslighting. I would have none of that and eventually he was able to own his behavior. But dang it was painful for both of us. In my case, one of my boundaries was that he cut all communication with his affair partner (who had been one of my friends, or so I thought). That likely won't happen in your case, and that would be very hard.

I couldn't live with a man who professed more affection for someone else than he did for  me. We made it through to the other side and are genuinely happy, but some things did change between us.

I hope you find a way through this. I know there is nothing easy about any part of it.

He needs an input other than his daughter or ex wife.  Wy ex is texting him is odd too.

work on everything together.

Quit sacrifiing yourself to their disgusting incestuous dynamic.  Take action.  14 years is far more than enough martyrdom.