You can't stand the kids due to the way A their behavior. However,you LOVE the man who raised those kids. AND had a kid with the man who has shown you he is an awful parent. :? :? :?

If you were to leave him, it wouldn't be because of his kids. It would be because of him. His kids are a product of his piss poor parenting.

Here is the thing, why did you have a child with a man who had children, unruly and badly behaved. You blame the kids but the issue is most likely his parenting or lack of.

His children aren't taking away from being able to enjoy your child, they are 6 and 8 for heavens sake. if you feel this way then maybe talk to your DH to let him know he needs to take on the parenting of them fully. He should never have forced you to be their "mom" granted they probably do need some compassion and discipline, but that all starts with their father.

No, you are not their mother. But you took on that role to make up for the deficit in their lives. Children who have been brought up by their father. HE taught them to be helpless (probably though guilt that they did not have a regular family)and now he doesn't like it. Little ones pick up on the negativity in the house. To get attention they act whiney and clingy. So instead of redirecting them over a few months to behave better the both of you yell at them.

They are behaving the way they have always behaved and you are expecting your fiances children to just up and change overnight. It doesn't happen this way. It would be like throwing you into the middle of France and telling you you can never speak English again and learn conversational French in a week. Not happening, right?

So accept the fact you do not love them like your own. Accept that to change their behaviour will take more than a few days and work out a plan with your fiance to redirect their behaviour and maybe take a parenting class or read a few books.

You also chose to have a child with the full knowledge that you already have other kids in the house 24/7. No, you don't get to enjoy your own little one as if the other kids will go away for a while. They have nowhere to go. Maybe you can see if you can visit your family for a few days while fiance takes care of his kids. Can you imagine what it must be like for those kids living in a home where 2 adults are yelling at them all the time to 'go and play' when you have no idea how to do that? They can't walk away and start a new life. They are trapped. And neither is it good for your little one to hear yelling all the time.

You both need to grow up a little and realise you don't get the 'new baby all to ourselves" world. He already has 2 kids and you knew full well these children would be there 24/7.

If you and your fiance are yelling at the kids all day and their behavior is not changing - perhaps you should find another parenting style that does not require yelling.

Maybe you both should consider a parenting class or read up on different kinds of parenting. "Love and Logic" by Jim Fay and Foster Cline is a good one. Their philosophy is based on the premise that all actions have consequences. Parents need to set boundaries and provide appropriate consequences when the boundaries are broken.

You can also learn the same thing by reading the posts here. The successful parents on this site constantly preach setting boundaries for kids and correcting them when the violate the boundaries.

You also need to remember that the kids are dealing with the death of their mother. That may partially account for their neediness.

Try to look at it in a different light. We all agree that the feelings we have toward our Skids is not the same as our Biokids...No big shock there. However, you do have one thing going for you that most of us don't. You have the ability to change their behavior. And this is not meant to sound evil or sick but you do not have the BM breathing down your neck and questioning every decision you make or countering every attempt to make at "fixing" these children. Most of us have do deal with the crazy BM causing constant drama. To these children, you are mom. You have the ability to train them properly. Start doing that. I agree with prior posts, stop yelling and talk to them. Teach them. If they are constantly on you heals, try to understand why and help them become more independent. When you chose to have a child with a man who already has 2 children you should have never expected the alone time with your BD. Doesn't mean you don't wish for it, but it is unrealistic.

They are still young enough to be taught how to behave, how to do things for themselves and how to help you!
Instruct them and teach them and then praise them when they do right. COrrect them when they do wrong and it will make your life much easier.

Good Luck!

I tend to agree with everyone that maybe you should take parenting classes,TOGETHER as a couple. I started out the same way about ten years ago,with the only difference that my step kids mom was very alive ,while my husband had custody, and I WAS RAISNG THEM ALONE, PREGNANT . my husband worked all the time,I was pregnant with our child together. My step kids were also 5 and 8. During my time in the beginning ,I had the "mother " trying to sabotage all the rearing and rules I had in place for them. Your very lucky to not have that obstacle. Make good use of the fact that you can train them how you want them to be. Stop yelling at them all the time,you will regret that when they are teenagers !!!!!!! It is ok if you don't love them or even like them,I don't like mine or love mine either,never have,but I've found a way to make it work. Your hubby's gotta step up to the plate and help you out,after all ,he brought them in the world. You made the conscience decision to take on the role of MOM. Family counseling might help too. Don't give up on them,they need you. Good luck,keep us posted

"I can't leave my fiancé I love him dearly it's not right that I would have to leave my fiancé because his kids..."

Actually people can leave their partner because of their kids, and they do leave them. One day they just wake up and decide, "It's time to step away from the trainwreck." Especially when the birth mother has passed away or is out of the picture. There is no way to determine during the start of the relationship exactly what being a step-parent is really like. That's why the divorce rate for step-families is as high as 80%, versus 50% for regular biological families.

my 5 yr old ss is the same very needy his bio mum never gave rules or boundaries, so when he came into our care he didnt want to sleep alone or even be alone even when i went to the toilet...as annoying as it was my SO and i are trying very hard to mold the little one into someone who we are proud to have in our family even with bio mum breathing down our neck...DO NOT!!!!! treat your little one differently to those kids whatever you do because they will end up resenting their little sister and im sure you dont want that no matter how much you dislike his kids, and if you cant treat all the kids the same even after attending parenting courses or counselling i suggest you leave because if you cant take those kids in as your own im afraid you are in the wrong relationship because unfortunately those children come as part of the package

No, you are not a horrible person, just in touch with how you feel. The bottom line is you can only control your actions, not your feelings or emotions. Most of us don't express what we really feel and walk around like a bunch of polite zombies. What you feel is what you feel and it's ok. I fully admit I don't like any of the steps, but I can be polite. However, I won't be walked all over or mistreated. They are most likely clingy because of abandonment issues. If you would, try an exercise. Take a piece of paper for each child and write down all their traits, both good and bad. Then read the list and put it into more neutral or positive terms. If a child is hyper, change it to full of spirit. Since they are still young, you are lucky that they can be guided by you. Instead of getting frustrated, give yourself a break and a time out and before getting upset, stop and think for a moment. Breathe. How can you turn that moment into a learning experience? For example, a child is standing on a chair.. instead of saying, "no" or "get down", simply say, "chairs are for sitting". You have not yelled, accused, become frustrated, or hurt their self esteem, simply stated the proper use of an object. Believe me, it works! Whenever you can do that, try it. In order to change someone else's behaviour, you first must change yours. Find a few things each day to reinforce them for. Don't just say "Good job". That is way too vague. Say, "I appreciate that you put your dish away, thanks." They will thrive and seek out that positive reinforcement. If they don't get it, they will seek out your attention but doing negative things, which is not what you want. So, up the positives and when you can, ignore the negatives (except aggression). And if you use the time out discipline, reinforce them within 10 minutes for something positive. Thia helps their self esteem and for them to know, "i don't like what you just did, but I am ok with you". Good luck!

Their behavior has a lot to do with how we feel about anyone. That is human nature. If their behavior was tolerable then I would say your feelings would be wrong. If they are hell spawn, then no. Your feelings are justifyable.

Basically I agree with Sezza. The thing is that unlike the adults in the situation, the children never had any choices. Their mother was a sick woman and they lost her which is very traumatic. Brain chemistry is rarely inherited except in the case of serious mental illness - the children probably have severe attachment disorders and are desperate for love. Their father obviously wasn't able to give them the love and attention they needed and has hoped you would step in to fill the gap - which you made a decision to do when you began the relationship with him. True, as someone else said here, you don't know how tough it will be, none of us do - but personally I believe that once you make a commitment you have to have both feet in, and children are even more of a commitment than a marriage.
I'm sorry but I think it's pretty harsh having a baby and then loving it in front of them, in the way they crave to be loved (obviously as they are children who lost their mum) but not wanting to give that to them. And as someone else said too, they will seriously resent your child.
Of course there is nothing 'wrong' with the way you feel. You are only human and it's really tough. But how you act on it is important. I think parenting classes would be great and if you can afford it maybe look into some bereavement counselling for the kids. When I committed to my partner I knew I was taking on the children and it has been really hard; I probably cry about three times a week from the stress - especially as their mother is really nuts and never stops trying to destroy my partner. But it's a project; I read lots of books on child psychology, communication, discipline. And I made the decision to love them. I hope they will look back as adults and realise I tried to give them everything I could; it's no sacrifice as they deserve to be loved, regardless of their behaviour.
I think you should either throw yourself into it and be strong or walk away personally. Anything in between seems cruel.