BM won't spend CS on SD and we have had her 100% for weeks. Help me :(
New to posting here but love to read on the topics, it has been very helpful.
So, my SD has been living with us 100% of the time for several weeks. However, BM still receives $1400 a month based on 90/10 custody. She refuses to buy any basic necessities. Yet, she is living it up shopping, manicures, etc., no job for a few years. Her mom pays her rent and car expenses. It seems like since the latest court ruling, she doesn't care if SD is at her house as long as she continues to receive $$.
Luckily we only have until January for SD to turn 18 and move in permanently 100% until she finishes high school.
Does anyone know of any action we can take to enforce SD basic needs to be taken care of or even change custody without lawyers since she is basically abandoning her responsibility?
My life could entertain you for hours, it's been ten years of crazy lady and I will continue to try to handle it in the best way I can. Help me 
Thank you for the response.
Thank you for the response. The thing is that we just finished yet another court issue where BD tried to modify payment due to layoff (he got a new job within 3 weeks paying less) and she wouldn't agree to the calculated new amount. Just to get the mod she dragged it out in court. So much gets spent on lawyers. She doesn't care if we go to court because she's not paying for it, her 80 yr old mother does. I really don't think the court system would help any or it would take months.
File for a modification in CS
File for a modification in CS since the child is living with you. Be Warned mom may come snatch back her money train.
I thought so to, SD living
I thought so to, SD living here 100% of the time while BM has been receiving $1400 should be a factor and shows she only cares about $$ and this is clearly not in the best interest of the child.
SD has been with us 100% of
SD has been with us 100% of the time and our custody is only 10%. We just finished a long drawn out court case with her. So now the child support agreement says until she turns 18. I doubt any court action will occur before January. If we do initiate any court filing BM will force SD to go back to her house. Paying $1400 a month is the only option to keep her out of the abuse she gets there.
The only options you have
The only options you have IMHO are to either take BM to court immediately for child abbandonment or send SD back to BMs until she turns 18 or graduates from HS. Most states order CS from the NCP to the CP until the Skid is age 18 or finishes HS whichever comes last.
I would pull the plug on CS ASAP where I you. You can probably file without an attorney but I would not recommend it since invaribly BM will have one.
Good luck.
Thank you, I will look into
Thank you, I will look into child abandonment. SD turns 18 in January and will move in permanently while she finishes high school. At that point BM will have to pay child support until high school is finished. I'm sure that will go over well.
What, if anything, is your DH
What, if anything, is your DH doing about this?? 90/10 split with $1400 in CS and he's just sitting on his can and not doing anything about it? Do you realize if you do nothing, at least $10K will go to the BM while the child is living with you.
Why didn't your DH immediately contact his attorney when his daughter started living with you full time? Why hasn't he filed contempt charges for violating the CO?
You cannot control the BM's actions but your DH is certainly in control of his own and take some action. I understand how draining court and custody battles are, but geez louise......tell your DH to do something.
Thank you, I appreciate the
Thank you, I appreciate the feed back. DH has actually done a really good job. Not exactly they way I would have done it, but he is putting in effort. We even bought a house a block from their school so that wouldn't be an issue. It makes me so furious the way the court system works, I don't think filing would make a difference. I think she would force SD to go back to her house and by the time we would actually have a hearing SD will already be 18 and living with us.
The courts allow this to happen. They allow a child to remain in an abusive house with a mother that curses at them and calls them B word and F u, throws things at them, hits them with a car, threatens their lives all while staying home and free loading of everyone (even off of her own kids when they have jobs or gift money). It's disgusting. We try to go about things the 'right' way and spend more money on lawyers. I know I'm venting here, but geez! Why is it sooo difficult!!?? Oh and get this, SD recently was found to have a cyst growth on her brain, that next weekend BM tells SD that she hopes she dies from it!!!
So, to your point, going the court route can jeopardize her in a safe home. Kinda like we're damned if we do and damned if we don't. I'm hoping we can file abondonment.
"throws things at them, hits
"throws things at them, hits them with a car, threatens their lives "
If this has actually happened - why were the police or childrens' services not called? If it's what the 17yo has told you... well... has it occurred to anyone that she may be playing Mommy and Daddy off against each other?
Police has been called many
Police has been called many times and made reports. They say it is one persons word against the other. If there are no physical injuries, they can't do anything. CPS was also called and they filed reports with no resolve.
I have seen texts from BM to SD and also heard her on the phone screaming and cursing at SD. I don't know what to do.
Thanks for the confirmation.
Thanks for the confirmation. That's exactly what I am fearful of.
Update- SD still living with
Update- SD still living with us. School starts tomorrow. BM told SD she can stay living here but we take her back to modify she will force SD to go back to her house. She just wants to continue receiving her $$$$.
Sd could ask the court to
Sd could ask the court to become emancipated. Then child support would not exchange hands between either parent because the child would be considered an adult.
We are the same way- DH pays
We are the same way- DH pays child support to BM while the kids remain at our house 90% of the time. She is "supposed" to pay for kids school supplies. I pay for them. Gladly. It is my duty as a parent figure to provide for these girls. She is losing out by being ridiculous.
We pay a very small sum. And we do not go to court, because this will wake up the crazy. BM will spend hours and hours and thousands of dollars using the courts to punish DH (and her own kids sometimes!!! She went to court to make sure older SD was not allowed to play on her sports team during "her time." She has unlimited money supplied by her wealthy mother.
So, we remain in a holding pattern. We pay BM, she does not take the kids very often. When she does, she usually takes them shopping for expensive brand name clothing. So, I think that she is actually, unwittingly, spending our child support money on the kids.