SS11 just came home from BM house yesterday. She called on Sun and told us she was having issues with him and he "freaked out" and threw a bottle at a wall at BGP house. (DH and I have never seen this kind of behavior but...OK...we understand things can happen and we need to work with him on it)....so... back to yesterday.. BM jumps out of her car and comes barreling towards our door... I open and she says to me "I am not going to talk to you now..b/c if i do I am gonna freak the hell out on you" turns on heel and storms away... i come out and was like "Hey... whats up?!?" she repeated the same thing and as she got back into her car said... i'm done...i'm, not taking him anymore... so i look around and was like where is he?...he apparently hopped out and took off when the pulled in the drive way (again...not like him at all)... so DH comes out as she is backing out of the driveway (crying and telling me he said horrible things to her and told her that we knew how he felt)

So DH and I go looking for SS and find him laying in the woods behind our house in the mud sobbing... he stands up we hug him and try to comfort him... told him to come in and we could get a drink and he could change and shower and talk with us if he wanted or have a little space if he wanted and we could talk later...he panicked and didnt want to leave the woods til he knew she was gone.

long and the short they had an explosive conversation because he told her he didnt want to see her anymore (okay..as a parent and step parent...i get the whole arrow through the heart feeling and genuinely feel bad for her despite the fact she is a terrible troll and doesnt deserve him with the way she treats him)... he said that she said a lot of mean things and told him if he didnt want to see her that he couldnt have anything to do with her parents or his aunt/uncle and that she would just tell them that he said he hated all of them (which got SS really upset).. at one point BM threw everything off the top of a table and ws screaming at him to the point he said he was truly scared)... he also said he was afraid she was going to drop him off at her BF parents house and that he wouldnt be able to use a phone and he would be stranded and couldnt get home... there was a ton more... but the gist was it was pretty ugly... so DH and I want to protect SS and give him some space from BM... then....

she calls today and tells me (because DH was out) that she is going to pick up SS and talk to him....which in translation means she wants to try to influence his story... i told her i made an appt with a counseler and perhaps everyone should go there and work through whatever is going on and she said that if DH and I was going to be so insistant that he see a counseler that would only be ok with her if she could see him first....

so .... what are our options... I have a message out the atty. at this point do we get dcf involved? BM definately is emotionally neglectful...and she forces him to lie out of fear of punishment. We are going to modify for full custody and try to get visitation set up for her parents (since we want him to have a healthy relationship with them)

She is so twisted and she is terrible to him... he said he really doesnt want to have to see her... after 10 years (since versions of this have been going on for a long time) he has just hit the point that he seems pretty done with the whole thing.... HELP ME... We are afraid of putting the ball in motion and being rejected... if we dont get full custody after this then we expose everything he told us and we will all have to deal with her rath.

Dont know what the best approach is... We live in CT... Advice? Opinions?