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Update on Mommy Dearest Rearing her Head

Uddermudder123's picture

BM did reach out to her lawyer 2 months after she reached out to DH via email requesting his Notices of Assessment for the last 3 years and threatening to go after him for retroactive support.

Some context for those just tuning in:

DH and BM never married but were together for a number of years.  Had two kids:  my SD who just turned 17 and my SS who would have been 23 this summer - he passed away last January.  When DH and BM separated 8 years ago, they worked with their lawyers to come to a separation agreement:  SS would live with DH, SD would live with BM.  Custody was joint. BM was (and still is) on disability (although she can certainly work - but that's a story for another time).  DH took on ALL of the family debt, which was substantial considering his salary, signed the family van over to BM, left all of his possessions except for his clothes in the family home, and agreed to a measly sum (enough to pay his legal fees) for the house rather than sell it or have BM buy him out.  Because of all of this, his CS for SD was reduced.  The agreement was signed and filed with the court and approved.  He pays CS directly to BM each month.  Never missed a payment.  Followed the agreement to the letter.  

Fast forward 8 years later to present...  

BM has fallen into some financial difficulty.  She had previously been able to supplement her income with having roommates live with her and SD.  BM is not the easiest person to live with (narcassist) cannot keep roommates.  They all leave. And she hasn't been able to find anyone else who wants to move in with her and SD.

SD just turned 17, did not finish her last two years of school under BM's watch. Nor did BM encourage her to go. And with SD one year away from turning 18, BM is realizing that if SD doesn't go to school, BM will also be out of CS from DH.  (For those thinking that DH should have taken custody of SD because of this, we did look into but becasue of SD's age, she would have had some say apparently?  And she wouldn't be able to smoke weed at our place and she would have to go to school and there would be some structure at our place.

So BM's only option to get more money to supplement her income is to go after DH (because we all know that CS is not going towards SD especially now since she has a job).

Per the law here, the parent receiving CS, can request the paying parent to adjust CS at any time.  BM is now doing that after 8 years.  She sent an email to DH 2 months ago about this but also threatened with retroactive, but due to a number of issues related to her (she had been send DH harrassing texts on things that had nothing to do with SD or CS - she's a bully), DH did not respond to her.  

Last week DH received an email from her lawyer.  First, it was extremely unprofessional and her lawyer didn't have his facts straight (considering he was the same lawyer she used in the separation agreement 8 years ago) and he also made threats.  We reached out to our lawyer who reviewed the email and found that the manner of the email was uncalled for.  Our lawyer determined that DH will have to update his salary because of the request and in turn will have to increase CS payments.  But BM thinking she can go after for retroactive payments?  Our lawyer said no and so did her lawyer when our lawyer spoke to him. Having said that, due to SD's persistent absenteeism from school, DH is requesting that a new clause be added in the agreement stating an end date due to SD's education.  That CS will be paid until SD graduates or turns 19, whichever comes first.  Law here states that SD must be in school full time at the age of 18 (that is law here) if she is still living with BM.  

DH just wants this all to end so that he never has to deal with BM again.  

Rags's picture

school in two years.  Force emancipation will end DH's CS obligation.

Ending support for a loser BM and a dope smoking drop out is a hill I would die on for sure.

If CS is to continue to age 19, I would stop direct payment and insist on DH paying the CS enforcement office or going with direct payroll withholding. That way, there is zero reason for interface between BM and DH regarding money

"Call the CSE office."  Is the answer to any money bullshit with BM once payment is established through direct payroll withholding or DH paying the CSE office directly. 

Once SD ages out of the CO, can DH force the sale of the home since BM never bought him out?

I would set that up to occur the day SD ages out.  Which is a fitting Fuck you very much to BM after all of this crap.



Uddermudder123's picture

I appreciate your thinking Rags! *biggrin* But he signed over the house to her as well. And from our understanding her parents are now co-signers (she couldn't afford to pay the full mortgage on her own).  Therefore there isn't any recourse with respect to the house.  

simifan's picture

I'm with Rags. If she dropped out of school, she should be emancipated (I doubt it will work, but I would certainly push for it.) Otherwise CS should end on her 18th birthday.

Uddermudder123's picture

Here, a 16 or 17 year old has the legal right to withdraw from parental control without the consent of their parents or the involvement of the court.  If SD left her BM's home now, CS would stop.  But unfortunately BM has alot of control (via manipulation and emotional abuse) over SD.  

Winterglow's picture

She may be on disability but could her income from letting a room be imputed as income? The fact that she's run out of victims  tenants is not your DH's fault.

Uddermudder123's picture

I would love nothing more than do as you suggested but how do you prove the income when her roommates paid her in cash.  Sigh

Uddermudder123's picture

We have thought of that but again, roommates paid in cash.  How do you prove it?  And she no longer has roomates (she can't find anyone who wants to live her and SD now).

We have also thought of reporting her to social services (she's on disability but can certainly work - she goes away most weekends leaving SD at home on her own, rides a bike, walks her dog regularly, etc...) but it would have to be anonymously.  If not us, then having a friend report BM.

Uddermudder123's picture

She puts the word out to her network of friends.  So there isn't anything "official" or on the books.  This is a woman who has been playing the system for years. 

Rags's picture

They went after my income in attempt to minimize their CS obligation.  Even though SParent income is not factored for CS in SpermLand courts. Though the courts can award an income reduction credit to the NCP if the CP side (including SParent income) has a significant income advantage.  

During the first CS consideration the week after we married, the dipshit in the moron Harry Potter robes slinging the toddler Fisher-Price wooden hammer awarded them the maximum reduction credit of $1000/mo for CS calculation of the SpermClan's CS obligation.  It was inconsequencial as a benefit to them, and inconsequential to us.  The max credit only reduced the possible CS by $50/mo.

The next CS review was 9yrs later. When they motioned for my income to be considered, we motioned for the income of the SpermGrandParents to be added to the Spermidiot's for CS calculation.  We provided documentaion that the Spermidiot lived rent free in the SpermGP's rental property, they paid his CS obligation on my son and on the three other SPermidiot spawn while raising them with zero help from their own idiot serial statutory rapist pervert son.

They just about lost their minds when the Judge ruled to consider our motion.

Ultimately the Judge chose to not include the SpermGP's income in the CS calculation.  And... chose to continue to award the maximum income reduction credit.  While increasing CS by 600%.

That one cent of my income went to their benefit torques my jaw to no end. But.... when CS went up from $133/mo to $785/Mo my frustration over my $50 dollars given to them to reduced CS was quite nicely mitigated.


What got the Judge to consider our motion was that though they claimed he was paying rent, the Spermidiot had no clue what his rent was, and neither did SpermGrandHag.  

So, bare BM's ass, go after her for a CS review and parade her in front of a judge with clear questions about the cash rent she gets from her room tenants.  No need to prove it conclusively. CS review is not a criminal hearing. Go for a preponderance of the evidence in as embarrassing a manner as possible.

Have fun doing it.