I need advice
My ss is 13. His mom is...how do I put this nicely...I can't, she is a bad mom. My ss is failing school. He's getting in trouble. He's never home at night. He's wherever his mom is dragging him.
My dh set up an afterschool program with the school that would help him to get caught up and hopefully pass. She now refuses to let him attend. They want her to sign off on his daily planner every evening, test for learning disabilities, and do a behavior card each week. She says she doesn't have time and won't do it.
My dh told her to then let him come live with us full-time. He'll make the time to look after him. That, of course, made her mad.
When my ss does not do his assignments, skips school, or gets in trouble, his mother does not hold him accountable. She actually blames the school!! She's even talked of suing the school!
I'm very worried about my ss. He's on a bad road. There is a train wreck coming and I have to sit by and watch it happen.
Social services has been involoved with my ss before (due to his behavior). Can we call them and ask them to get involved? Will they help?
My husband wants to fight for custody. In this state, I don't think we have much of a chance, unless social services requests it. We can not afford an attorney and we do not qualify for legal aid.
Any thoughts, advice, etc. is appreciated.
The only advice I have
I don't know where you live, but do you have TRUANCY POLICE? Here in TEXAS we have truancy police, so when a child skips school, they not only arrest the child but the Guardian, if she sat in jail I bet she would be a little more concerned about him skipping school.
"Be there for the joy. Be there for the tears. Be there for each other."
(Step-Mom the Movie 1998)
truancy
I've never heard of that here. ss has served suspensions for his truancies (maybe they're just considered unexcused absenses with his bm's intervening), tardies, and behavior.
Is there such a thing
as requesting a lawyer for you ss. I know here in Canada you can request a lawyer represent your ss at his age. We have a friend that ran out of money for lawyers, but found out (here atleast) you can request it and it is paid for by social services I think. This way it is not you going against bm, and someone is standing up for what is best for ss. Sounds like someone needs to step in before he is in more trouble. Would you get support from his school/teachers? It really sucks when money has to stand in the way! Good Luck
lawyer for ss
I've never heard of such a thing here. I am hoping that if we involve social serives, they will step in to do this. I've never heard of that happening either except in cases of abuse and there's no abuse (legally that I know of) in this situation. Yes, I think his school would support it. When dh last met with the principal, he told my dh that bm was uncooperative and hoped that dh could help for ss's sake. Now that bm put up the roadblock (again), I think he would vocally support dh.
Guardian ad litem
http://www.guardianadlitem.org/
You can get someone - many attorneys do this - to represent ONLY the child's best interests. Sometimes a judge will order one to be made available to the child, but it can also be requested by parents. Check the link above for general info, check your local court for more specific details.
~ Anne ~
P.S. While it may not qualify as abuse, it certainly qualifies as neglect.
Thanks!
I'll check it out now.
I don't know what state you
I don't know what state you live in - this is a Florida website - but it's basically the same in all states. Some attorneys will do it pro bono, so it could be an option. GOOD LUCK!
~ Anne ~
it's sooo hard
It is terrible to think that you would have to bring in social services, the courts, the school etc. but I am assuming your ss is still in public school, maybe starting something now will help him before he hits highschool, especially if you have the principal "on your side" when all else fails...google it...your state ,lawyers for children, etc...I know here for a fight in courts it costs a fortune, and basically unless you catch bm with a crack pipe on tape they get most of the respect.too bad protecting your ss and yourself from future hardships is the main goal. It would be just as easy if there is serious trouble for bm to claim bd responsible as well I would think.
reply
That's what she'll try to do too, I'm sure. It really sucks! ss is the one who ends up hurting most.
Social services said he needed to see a counselor. Bm brought him twice and decided he didn't need it. I'm thinking she may be afraid what he'd say. If nothing else, getting social services involved, may get ss the help that he needs. I think it would be best for him to live with us, but if he can get the help (mental and educational) that he needs, that's what matters most.
It's going to be one of our biggest battles
I feel for you. We will be crossing the same bridge soon. The 14 yr. old is a train wreck. First we are going to bat for the 16yr. old. She failed 9th grade once. Was failing it twice until she just stopped going to school this past Dec. She had family and school couselors and was in the PINS program. Who knows what happened or how she fell through the cracks. It's not like BM will tell us the truth.
This Friday we are taking the 16 year old to check out JOB CORP.
The BM created so problems for HER girls it's sickening.
Yet, we are the ones who have to fight and worry about them.
I wish I had some answers for you, but this is all new to me too.
Best wishes. Jo
Jo
Sounds like I'm heading down the same road you've been on. I'm scared and I'm not looking forward to it. We wonder if what we're doing is really best for the kid. It's getting so bad now though, that we don't see how it could get much worse for him. I worry about depression and I think a lot of his behavior is acting out to get someone to help him. If we start this, we can't stop. We have to follow through with it.
Good luck in your battle. I'm new here, but I'll watch to see your posts of how it is going.
kids Lawyers
I know in Canada we have the same thing Truancy Police and the child and the guardian are arressted after the third offence. The guardian could get jail time for this. As for the lawyer you could ask your ss if he wants to live with you and if he is twelve or older the courts will provide free legal counsil for him. Like I said I know that it is done this way in Canada.
Good Luck
Make sure your husband really wants his son full time before taking him away from his mother.
Guardian Ad Litems
I saw where someone had told you about Guardian Ad litems. We went to court and requested one in our case for the 3 children involved. In the state of PA we found out after the guardian was court ordered, that it is not a free service. But the cost is court ordered to be split 50/50 between both parents. That really pissed off the BM in our case. Neither parent is allowed to have contact with the Guardian unless the Guardian contacts them, he does a complete investigation for the children and any concerns brought up by either parent. We had to fill out a 30 page question list about everything imaginable. From our relationships with the children to how we get along with our own parents to our medical history both physically and mentally. After we provided this along with the visitation journal and log of concerns we had the guardian met with my Boy friend and then with his boys alone. I go next monday to speak with him. This is really the only time I get to speak or state my thought and concerns. Even if we were married I would have no more say as the lawyers and judges have all said custody issues are between the BIO parents only. The guardian works to report to the judge on concerns brought up by both parents and to report on what he feels would be the best interest for the children in regards to custody. Both homes where given a home study, and they looked at everything, even in the fridge and closets and kitchen cabinets and under the kitchen sink. They check it all, and take pictures. They also look at school and medical records of each child.
This was what we wanted and even having to pay for it is more than worth it. So far the cost has been small with us having to pay $365. $300 for the guardian fee and $65 for the home study. There could be more cost down the road though. But if it will help us protect the kids it is so worth it.