I DON't Want Us To End Up With Custody
DH is filing paperwork for a child support ajustment since BM never bothered to notify anyone about moving in and out of the state and he also is attempting to get Joint Legal custody back, because he says he didn't realize how powerless he is and how irresponsable she has been with the kids regarding their education and health. And he doesn't want them moved one more time and being told they live in a house or with a relative and come to find out they lived in a leaky camper one winter and some hotel another time after she gave us an address to a house. I am afraid if he sites all the reasons he wants Joint legal we'll end up with custody....these laws are usually in favor of mothers right? I shouldn't be worried? If it was a matter of them being abused or their mom being an addict then I certainly wouldn't mind having them, but their mom is just retarded and in turn they are sort of retarded and I don't want them here all year round. I'm horrid I know....but so are they.
Wow. It sounds like you
Wow. It sounds like you shouldn't have gotten married until you discussed the possibility of having those kids live with you. You know if she had passed away, you'd get them, too. The situation you've described IS abuse. Living in a leaky camper unfit for habitation? Get ready for stepkids or get out now.
When their divorce finalized
When their divorce finalized she had sole legal and physical custody, he paid CS, he talked to them every week, they stayed with us in the summer,It was almost perfect. They are sweet to me but very clingy and immature I think, They are horrible to DH. They moved from AZ to WA near us just 3 hours away and now that they are older and Facebook has made snooping so easy we have found out all these things that are sadly neglected. I don't want to traumatize them, I don't want BM to lose her kids, I feel bad she's a single mom trying to do what she can, (I don't feel bad she seems to let other people make her decisions for her and it blows up in her face) Mostly DH just wants her to be held accountable and have SD's see a dentist regularly, not lie, and get SD9's kidney problems checked out, not put on the backburner because she up and moves them again.
Like instantfamily mentioned,
Like instantfamily mentioned, if BM dies DH would have sole custody. If you know you could not possible deal with this situation if it occurs, get out now for your's, DH's sake and for his kids sake.
Also, no, the laws are not in favor of mothers. They are in favor of the child's best interest. Our BM was not physically abusive, nor was she an addict but we were still awarded full custody and I love it. You know why? Because now, our life is dictated by DH and Me and NOT BM. It has been a very, very, very nice Silver Lining. But then again, I don't have one of those wimp DH's who don't parent their kids the way they are supposed to. Also, take into consideration that not all things stay the same. Life happens to everyone, BMs included. She may not be a drug addict now, but how about in 2 years? Sometimes custody changes many times during the children's life.
If you absolutely know that you don't want to EVER deal with this, do everyone a favor and get out now.
If BM is dead then it
If BM is dead then it certainly would be totally different as He and I would be raising them as we see fit, as it stands now, I get no say in anything, but have to deal with all their problems. For instance she dropped them off indefinity last summer and the SD9 was peeing herself constantly, we had a hell of a time getting her seen BM had an appointment with a kidney specialist set up in AZ and then moved and never had her seen about it, and now a year later we had her and she couldn't bend, and as it turns out she has intestinal blockage and they are just going to treat her 1 thing at a time so the kidneys aren't even being addressed. If she was with us, I'd be homeschooling her and having her medical problems looked at, as it stands now she is sick is hell and failing 4th grade. SD9 doesnt want to be with us, it would be horrible to rip her away from her mother on top of everything else going on with her. They seem to have stablized themselves, living with their aunt right now so DH just wants to have that legal say to sort of motivate BM to take this seriously. I can deal with it, I don't want the drama of a custody battle.
In our situation BF was given
In our situation BF was given primary medical decision making, because BM was not acknowledging that the children have issues that needed to be addressed. BM refused to see the skids had reflux disease, aspergers syndrome and the SD12 has serious mental issues.
He currently has 50/50 custody, which may be changing to full custody because of all the alienation that is occurring with BM.
It sounds like your skids need a stable adult in their lives who will see to their medical needs and even though BM may be trying, she not quite cutt'in it.