Fleeing state?
My mother and I were talking and she brought up a question that has me somewhat concerned.
We haven't heard from BM, she has been very elusive not only with us but with DCS too, and since she hasn't appeared in the last three legal events, two of which were court hearings, our case has been pushed back to March 5th. Currently, we have full temporary custody (on paper) of SD, if she does not appear on March 5th, we get full physical custody. Now, we know that this is an attempt to get her attention, but when speaking to my mother about this she asked me, 'Do you think she's still in the state?' I never really thought about that and honestly, I won't put it past her to flea.
My mother brought this up because when my uncle, who is now remarried to my (what do you call her... a step aunt? LOL... I just say aunt so-n-so) but apparently, during her custody battle and divorce years ago, I guess her ex fled the state with her kids. I don't know much about the story, and this was a first I had heard it.
I just wanted to know if anyone has experienced this sort of thing. Did the other parent flee with your child/ren and what happened. How did you find them and bring the kid/s back? etc.
Step Mom, are you saying
Step Mom, are you saying that you guys haven't seen the child? I thought when you said before that you guys have full temp custody that she was physically with you 100% of the time since you got full temp custody. Is SD not physically with you? When was the last time you saw her?
If he has full custody and if BM has taken her out-of-state, it could be considered kidnapping. By crossing state lines, this could be felony kidnapping which might require the FBI be involved. And if he tells BM that he has full custody and wants the child returned and she refuses, that's also kidnapping whether she's left the state or not.
To get her back if he is granted full permanent physical custody and mom refuses to bring her, you'd have to report her as having been kidnapped. This could result in an Amber alert, local and state law enforcement looking for her, possibly even the FBI if she crossed state lines... it can get really messy. Federal law requires that all states respect one another's custody orders, so she wouldn't be able to cross state lines, set up residency and file for custody in another jurisdiction.
Just hope she didn't go to the Bahamas!
~ Anne ~
Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -M*A*S*H (Sidney Freedman to the OR staff on dealing with stress)
Well, I know she can't afford the Bahamas... but...
No, DH hasn't seen the child since last October. The last time he talked to BM was Thanksgiving when he was trying to arrange for SD to come here for visitation but BM wouldn't have it. It's her way or no way.
Yes, you heard right, right now, technically ON PAPER we have temp. full physical custody, but it doesn't mean that we HAVE SD. The judge did this to get BM's attention since she has been absent for the Mediation, Custody Hearing, and the Support Hearing. She's eluding the system. We haven't heard from her since- even to this day. The judge granted us temp custody on paper knowing that we don't have SD and told DH that technically, he's got custody, but let's wait to see if this gets BM's attention and if she appears. If she doesn't appear, he will finalize it officially that day and we will go from there to physically get SD in our possession with authorities if need be.
BM hasn't returned our calls, we don't have a physical address for her, just a po box, and she's eluding the courts too. So, we have to wait until March 5th for finalization of the papers, then we can go for a full fledge 'dog hunt'. (Maybe I can get my Dog the Bounty Hunter outfit on! LOL Everyone says that I look like 'Baby Lisa'.)
I am just sooo nervous about this. I have this feeling that she's jumping state. My Mom thought so too because of her 'disappearance'. She has been showing very erratic behavior for the past year.
My heart is really hoping that she doesn't show up because she literally has abandoned this little girl to her grandmother. Grandmother lives in the worst area of our county, and SD is going to school in the worst school and it's an ELEMENTARY school. We are just on pins and needles because this little girl deserves so much better than what she's been given. She's got TWO entire families she doesn't even know. But the logic side of me knows that it's not right either.
The sad thing is that we know uprooting SD from her present living arrangements (basically one that she's only ever known) is not healthy for her either. But truthfully, we can provide her with a much better existence, one that DOES NOT HAVE DRUGS INVOLVED, since we know that BM is living with a drug addict, and socializes with drug addicts and alcoholics etc, and my experience is that when you cohort with a certain crowd, chances are you dabble in it too. If we are given full custody, then the monies we have saved up thus far for the arrears we anticipate paying, we can use to put SD in therapy if necessary. Otherwise, we of course hope to be able to pay all of the arrears, at least most of it, right then and there at the support hearing. (We've consolidated some assets and our tax refunds.)
We don't want to uproot SD from her mother either. We just want to get BM's attention that she has to grow up. SD isn't JUST hers, SD is ALSO DH's daughter. This is a wake up call. BM went to the county for aid, the county went after DH, and guess what honey... we ain't holding back now. The ball is rolling and it's in the courts hands right now.
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...
Hmm
In my state the parents are not allowed to take the children outside a 100 mile radius from the other parent without their permission. It could be considered kidnapping if she did flee. I would assume that if you are granted full physical custody, there would be some sort of pick-up scheduled. If she is nowhere to be found, the authorities would probably be called. I'm sure your DH could press charges if she fled. This is all just speculation though, I have no experience with this at all (and hope I never do...the parenting plan is up for modification as we speak so we'll see...).
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
Thanks ladies!
This is good information. I'll keep this in mind. I just have a bad feeling about this. I hope that it doesn't turn out this way, but I'll keep you in formed.
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...
Here's what I would do...
If you know what school she goes to, then have hubby go pick her up and bring her home. Take the order and the cell in case you have to get police back-up, but if you know where she is, just go get her, whether at school or at grandma's house. Worry about clothing, possessions and all of that later. If you want her to keep going to that same school, give the school a copy of the order and let them know that NO ONE other than you and DH are to pick her up or take her out of school. It sounds like you guys getting permanent custody is the best thing for her. She may not be thrilled with that, but we don't always like to do what's good for us, do we? She will adjust. Keep us posted, Step Mom.
~ Anne ~
Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -M*A*S*H (Sidney Freedman to the OR staff on dealing with stress)
Truthfully, it's not that easy...
We are going to wait 'til March 5th to see if this scare tactic works. If she does appear, then great, we'll push hard for visitation time and because of her nonappearance I'll be surprised if we don't get anytime due to the judge's response. It doesn't look good for her right now. Second, we want to show that we are trying to work with the system. Even though right now, we have legal grounds to bring SD home with us right now, I don't want to start drama with her only to have to return her in a week or so, you know. Plus, it would tip BM off and I'm afraid that she will try something more drastic, right now, we're playing with a full deck of cards. So our best bet is to be patient. I really think that she doesn't fully understand the ramifications of her not appearing yet. If we get the custody, it will be hard for her to change it in the future.
If she doesn't appear, YOU BETCHA we'll be at the doorstep of the school, the grandmother's house, the police station, you name it, if it's in ear shot, we're there! Our background check on BM has come up pretty scat since she bunks in with her friends all the time, and right now, she's hiding in another county (well, we know she was hiding in another county at the start of all this... now, I wonder. The state lines aren't very far from where she was hiding out.)
She can't hide forever, I will find her- I used to work for a PI, so if I have to call up a friend or two... so be it! We haven't so far because we figured to give her the benefit of the doubt. Let the court system handle it, but so far, she hasn't been playing with the court either... she took her ball and went home! It just doesn't look good for her right now, so we want it to stay that way! LOL.
Oh, and we just found out what school she was going to, because BM won't provide us that. We got that info from the court paperwork, because the Mediator wasn't really sure if it was correct or not. DH found out during the Mediation from the Mediator, but it wasn't sure if the info was correct. At the hearing, it was confirmed that the school was correct because records were pulled. We don't have any vital record information on SD, so that is why pulling info on her has been very difficult. We don't have a SSN, Birth Certificate, physical home address, only a birth date and name. And even her name was constantly spelled different to us. So, that's why it's been hard to find records- too many variables such as... is this really her? OR someone else?
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...