Ok, opinions please!! My husband, Mom, Aunt, an ex gf, a police officer, and myself along with our 2 lawyers sat in court all day long yesterday over a custody battle between my husband and the mother of his little girl! I have neverhad to go through anything like this and those of you that have been there before God bless you! Let me begin with, my husband and I have his daughter about 60% of the time (now). I say now as in the last year. The first year we together we had her about 70% of the time except for about a month or so when my husband and the childs mother were fighting and we weren't allowed to get her until she was over her little mad spell!! mention, that we also kept her other child quite frequently. Most of the time we kept him because we wanted to and he wanted to go with us. There was also several times she had ask us to keep him so we did. We treated him as if he were our own. We bought Christmas and Birthday for him, he was so involved in our lives he was even in our family Christmas pictures. We bought plenty of clothes and toys and sent them home with him. During ths whole tie we have payed child support to her.(I keep referring to "we" instead of my husband because the Lord says when you are married you are no longer 2 but you are 1.) We have her the majority, she gets child support and draws all the benefits on her (foodstamps, etc.).In court yesterday we submitted a calendar of all the times we have kept her from dec. of 09. That is when we were told we should be recording everything since we had her soo much. On this calendar it clearly shows along with some of the times we knew someoone else had her instead of the Mother. Ok, back to I think Feb of 2010 we were awarded emergency custody due to the domestic violence in the Mothers home. Black eyes, bloody nose, busted mouth, windows busted out of the car, etc. On the next court date the child was sent back with the Mother with us having joint custody. We were to have the child Thurs.-Sunday every week and the child was to be exchanged at the police station and no further acts of domestic violence in front of the child. For the first month I would say we followed by the court order because there was alot of anger towards each other after all the stuff that came out in court. After about a month it went back to the same situation,we had her the majority of the time. We found out yesterday in court from a police officer that since the order in Feb. of 09 there were 14 calls to the residence of the Mother. One time the childs mother and grandmother had gotten into an altercation. Several call were made about the boyfriend and mother fighting. One call was made that the mother was suicidal and ws thinking of running her car into a tree and requested help. She was then sent on to Eastern State Mental hospital. All of this plus the childs mother was best friends and stayed at a persons house that got busted with a methlab. Was a methlab going on when the child was there? I have no idea but we got an email from a sheriff that told us that it had been going on in the home for months so it was something that just hadn't all of a sudden started. After the methlab bust we were encouraged to take the child to the dr to have her tested and checked out so we did. At that time she came back with a bruise on her head and a spot on her chest. We asked what happened. She told us that the mothers bf burned her with a cigarette. Did he? We don't know but the look of it resembled thatof what she said. The dr. called social services for alleged abuse. Social services told usto keep her safe and in our custody until they investigated. We asked for a drug test to be given. And requested it be a hair sample and not a urine test. Well they did a urine test and it was passed so the child was back in the Mthers custody. Everyone knows anyone can pass a urine test!(This aggervates me) After family members of hers told us about drugs and a text messages recieved that said they saw the Mothers bf smoking dope in front of the child..We asked the mother and her bf to submit to a drug test if nothing were going on. They agreed if we payed for it. We met at a drug testing place. They walked in and told the lady they were there to do a drug test for us. The lady gave them some papers to fill out and told them she would lke to see a DL because they would be doing a hair sample drug test. The mother said she didnt have hers and would be right back. Upon returning, she said she was not taking no hair drug test and wouldn't allow her bf to take one either. I dont know but if I didnt have somthing to hide and someone else was paying for it, I would have more than gladlytaken the test to prove my innocense. As far as the well being of the childs health. We have been the one to take her to the majority of her dr appointments. We have took her to the only dentist appointment she has had. We have been the ones to enroll her into Speech Therapy and take her EVERY single time she has went. H as the mother taken her? No! Has she talked to the therapist? No! We have asked her to take her and her excuse is always "I dont have the gas". We do the majority of the transporting as well because either her back hurts or she dont have gas!! In the court room she lies and cries! I feel as if people feel sorry for her because she always wants to throw up that She is poor and lives in a junky trailer and we have money and we are using it against her! Money isn't the case here at all! We are very fortunate to have a job and be able to work and make money and very fortunate for a family that helps out!! How can someone feel sorry for you when you won't lift a hand to get out and get a job and work so you can better your kids lives so they don't have to live in unhealthy situations? The home where the Mother lives is literally falling apart. There are windows busted out and some windows have duct tape on them along with trash piled up so high outside the back door its ridiculous.(Yes, pictures were submitted to this) I know some people aren’t as fortunate as others but when you are able to get out and get a job and choose not to, that is a different story. Ok, so that is plenty of that. Let's talk about us! She gets on stand yesterday and says that the child cries when she has to go with us and it breaks her heart she has to let her go to her dads! Not one time have I ever seen the child cry because we picked her up. There was one time I can remember her screaming and crying because she didn't want to leave her little brother and as soon as we pulled out she was fine! There have been a few times the child wanted her mother and her mother was too busy to come and get her or let us bring her home! There has been times the child wanted to stay with us and not go back to her moms but once we went to drop her off she was fine with going.Don't let me make this look like she is the only one that has problems and we are perfect because we aren't and don't claim to be perfect.(We just feel along with the majority that its in the best interest of the child to reside with us. That is what she is accustomed to anyways so its not like we are asking for so much. Just in writing from the courts really.)
My husband and I have had some problems ourselves. As far as we go, we have never done drugs but were accused of it. We were accused of physically fighting all the time. Yes, we have fought and argued since we been together. We have pushed and shoved a few times but as far as any visible injuries and beating the crap out of each other there has been none!! Yes, I called the law once because we were arguing and I wanted him to leave and he wouldn't. Yes, one time we were arguing and ask the child mother to pick up the child so she didn't have to be around it. There is very few relationships that don't consist of fighting.(Im not meaning physically fighting.)My husband and I got together in Jan. of 2009. I think the first time I met the child we had been together a few weeks, maybe a month and ever since she has been with us consistently. Those of you that know us and see us around, we always have her with us. The mother told in court yesterday this wasn't the case. That the first time I was ever around her was in July! LOL!! Im going to have to find some evidence to prove that wrong and I will, just give me some time. So the 1st year of the childs life, I was not around and cannot tell you anything about the relationship with father and child or family. I do know my husbands ex was with him when the child wasw born and up to when the child was close to 1. She also testified in court yesterday that he has always been a part of her life and they had the child for weeks at a time when the child was a newborn. She also said there were a few times when the child was sick and the mother was not reachable for hours up to days to get the child to the dr. Was there any objection to the exes statement? NO!! Although, when it was break time and we had to exit the court room-the mother was cussing and going off saying the ex was lying and someone better get the b++++ far away from her before something happened but she did not deny it or have any objection in the court room.There is soo much more but my brain is twisted!! Im a nervous wreck from worrying!! Oh yea, court took so long it is to be continued in March. So until then, all we can do is pray!