Child support for Step-Children
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How often does this get granted??
My ex and i recetly split and are going through divorce, he had a child from a mprevious relation and I had 2 from a relation in which my parenter passed away. I met my now ex husband shortly after his passing and he took my kids on right away, knowing I was a full package.
We ended up having our on child during our marriage. My ex wants nothing to do with my older kids and I am going after support as he was standing in place of a parent, especially becasue they do not have a living bio Dad.
I am in British Columbia CA. Any info on this and what my chances are of succedding ?.
Here in the states, unless
Here in the states, unless your husband adopted your children from your pervious marriage there is no support nor does he have an obligation to support them. (sorry dont want to offend)... You should qualify for support for your bio child you had with your soon to be ex, depending on your local laws.
Also, here in the states, your children born of your deceased husband would receive survivor benefits until they turn 18 years old from our Social Security Department. Is there something like that in your country?
There are a few posters here from Canada..I hope they chime in to help.
Sorry about this, you have been through a lot.
Yes I receive a small amount
Yes I receive a small amount each month for them (survivors benefits). My ex husband makes a large amount of money each year.
My lawyer thinks he will have to pay but his lawyer tells him he wont have to pay.
Why would your ex be
Why would your ex be financially responsible for your kids from a different man?? He may have been kind enough to support them as his when you were together but he has ZERO obligation to them. Here in the states, you'd have zero chance of getting child support for his non-kids (and rightfully so).
because it is the law here in
because it is the law here in BC, so you are very wrong and rude at that
Good news and bad news. The
Good news and bad news. The good news is that technically yeah you could pursue him for CS on your older kids, under the proxy parent clauses.
Bad news is, it's likely to get thrown out.
1) kind of a douche move to expect him to pay for kids that are not his. While he agreed to act as a family while you were married, it doesn't mean he acted as parent...which is what you'd have to prove beyond a reasonable doubt.
2) proving he acted as parent doesn't mean he paid a share if bills, gave rides, made supper and helped with homework... it means proving he made parental decisions related to healthcare, education, religion... actual decisions, without you, as if he was the "only" parent. Discussing something with you does not count. Him talking to teachers after discussing with you doesn't count. If he made stand-alone decisions on important topics, life or lifestyle affecting decision, without you, you may have a shot but again... it's REGULARLY and not every now and then to help out.
It's not enough that he was just helping you to parent for a few years as your husband and partner.
Also...what's good for the goose is good for the gander... if you're going after him for your older 2, he can make the play to go after you for his older 2.
Cs is based on equalization of incomes....and if he has 50/50 of your common child, counter balancing your 2 and his 2 could mean he owes you nothing at all...and to be honest since you get survivor benefits, you could end up owing HIM.
Just because your kids dad is dead and some guy agreed to be your husband and play family, does not mean he acted in place of a parent and should continue to pay for kids that are not his, even if he shared in household ruling for a time.
Not trying to be rude or anything...just realistic. Keeping your hopes up like that is just a tactic used to get more fees...because those clauses in family law gave been used only a handful of timed...and in most of those cases, it's been due to things like the stepparent having acted as parent because the actual parent was away, for extended periods of time ( not as neaningless as week long business trip), over ling periods of time.
Think deployed military for 8 months, 3 years in a row.
I'm in Ontario...and my mom's a family lawyer.
Sorry for the typos...New
Sorry for the typos...New acrylic nails.
Thank you for this,OP - just
Thank you for this. OP - just because you can doesn't mean you should do it. It's not his job to support your kids - and I'm guessing you acted as a mother to his two just as much or more than he acted as a father to yours, so hopefully he will go after you for helping to support his two as well. Would you be okay with that? Or is just men that should pay for kids that aren't theirs?
Save and invest your money instead of giving it to an attorney. And please don't rope some other guy into being their father without explaining to him what will happen if you two break up (ie, that you expect him to be the father forever, financially at least).
i understad this is a site to
i understad this is a site to go after the crazy BM, but there is a whole lot to this story and the douche is him.
It might seem spiteful but he was very clearly their parent, disicplined, trips, buying things for them, buying groceries, paying mortgage, school clothes etc. My kids were always invloved in his family as well.
He only has 1 daugher in which he rarely sees, and he is only seeing his son with me every couple weeks so we do not have 50/50
I am so grateful the U.S.
I am so grateful the U.S. wouldn't allow this BS.
Canada doesn't really either.
Canada doesn't really either.... it's very very rare.
Step-parents discipline step
Step-parents discipline step-children. Thu go on trips too...buy groceries..pay bills...school clothes...and visit the spouses family.
These things don't make him a parent...they make him co-head of household. He'd have taken the trips regardless of whether you had kids or not...same with groceries and paying bills... they are normal household things.
Parent things are not the same as providing care for someone else's child...which is what he did for yours....
I mean I watch my niece and nephews a few weeks a year... I feed them..bathe them...buy them stuff... cuddle them... I treat them like my own... does not make me their parent.
Proxy parent does not mean he took on the dad role in your home during the short few years you were married. It means acted as a parent. You're saying things that are normal spousal things.
If he wants nothing to do with your kids...that's probably because he didn't care much for them before... that's the basis for the claim... as much as you think he was playing dad... he was probably just tolerating your kids..and based on your response and past posts, it also seems that maybe, just maybe, he was tired of you getting on him all the time about the ex, money, and custody.
If he just took care of them in the head-on household way like is normal to do but never talked about your kids as if they were his own, or had that super close emotional lovey-dovey bond, then no...he wasn't playing dad. If he wasnt going out of his way to give them the best of the best... if they werent his number 1 priority... then no... he wasnt playing dad. He was tolerating them, as your husband and despite the fact you claim he's the douche... which he may very well be... what you're doing...is just plain wrong.
Add to that you were barely married 3 years, so obviously it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows... you're going to have a hell of a time trying to show, in court, that your ex husband had a social and emotional bond strong enough to replace that of their deceased father, while simultaneously trying to explain why things got so bad between the 2 of you that you barely made it 3 years.
One of your past posts mentioned the BM was trying to get YOUR income so that the child support she received was based on both your income not just your ex... you laughed at the idiocy, stating the girl wasn't yours and why would you have to pay when she's not your child... get it??
This isnt me going after the crazy BM... it's telling you that just like HE was the stepparent to YIUR kids... YOU were the stepparent to HIS.... and it sounds like you won't be able to prove he gave a crap about your kids other than basic care, while it sounds like he might be able to prove that you certainly did for his. It goes both ways... I'm just trying to save you the hassle of losing in court... I'm trying to help you... ultimately it's your call... I'm hoping you're on legal aid because I'd wager the ex would also try and have the claim for lawyer fees on that crap.
I get that you don't like that answer...and that's ok.
Check out www2.gov.bc.ca/gov/content/life-events/divorce/family-justice/family-law/child-support/step-parents and then click on step-parents right and responsibilities.
It's a really tough topic...and I'm TELLING you... your chances are VERY SLIM. You want to go broke trying...knock yourself out.
I could be really wrong, but
I could be really wrong, but the intent of that law/rule, to me, seems to be when someone joins a family when kids are young, parents for a decade or longer, and acts 100% as "Dad". And the kids see him as "Dad". And he plans on having joint parental custody as "Dad".
Also, every single one of your posts is related to BM being money-hungry or CS in some way. You seems to hate that BM asked for more and more, yet you're asking an unrelated man to support your kids. That's HCBM-levels of crazy, just FYI.
Stop focusing on the money piece and focus on the parenting piece in this. If he REALLY acted as their father, then your kids must be reeling right now after suffering two losses in less than 10 years (I am going to assume less than 8 years since SK is only 6-7 years old).
Also, not sure if it works in Canada the same as the US, but subsequent children get less CS. The first to file for CS gets first dibs on top amount. Subsequent kids get half to 1/3 of that amount. If he is ordered to pay CS, I would assume (though I'm no lawyer) that you'd lose survivorship payments, and the CS might actually be less than that.
Not to mention Canada has a
Not to mention Canada has a much better safety net for everyone than the US does, including a child benefit and free health care, as well as the survivor benefits from their father's death.
Maybe im just a crazy BM now
Maybe im just a crazy BM now but law is the law and if i am entitled to it i will go for it. FYI
Also that child support doesnt work like that in canada, they are all entitled to the same amount of support regardless of first family.
Yep, entitlement is what
Yep, entitlement is what drives the BMs we deal with as well.
While i do agree that birth
While i do agree that birth order should not have any bearing on support amount, i have to agree that this guy has no financial obligation to your children by another man, if he didn't adopt them.
It sounds from your posts like your STBX's ex made your life hell and may be part of why you are divorcing. From reading this site i've seen several instances of women who marry a guy with kids, deal with a lot of BS from the BM, have kids with their husband, and split up. Due to the anger and bitterness, they react by trying to become the "biggest baddest BM on the block."
I'm sure you have learned from the best/worst. But, you can be better than her. Sure, go after him for max CS on your joint kid and maybe max alimony. But this is wrong.
I see above that in some very
I see above that in some very "rare air" circumstances this could happen in Canada.. but it doesn't seem like your circumstances are going to meet that extreme test. It sounds like it is not a common occurance. What is most likely going to happen is that you are going to spend a lot of money with your lawyer.. and I don't know if it is the case in CA.. but you may also be liable for some of your soon to be Ex's costs as well for pressing an unsuccessful bid to separate him from his hard earned money.
I'm going to be a bit blunt. You say that when he took you on.. he took on the "whole package".. but when you married, you promised you would stay with him "for better or worse" really too? You have broken promise to him as well... And while he may have been a stand up guy to treat your kids as his own.. they are NOT his children. They are yours and just because he was a kind person for a few years doesn't mean that he should be obligated to raise your kids in a financial way.
Do you plan on him maintaining a custody schedule? has he sought that out? I am doubtful that he is asking for that right?
You are already recieving some benefits for your children.. between that and working.. and maybe some spousal support in the short term.. hopefully you will be able to raise your children in a happy home. It seems you are hyper focused on financial issues.. in the past you were upset that your income might be subject to the CS review.. well.. weren't you parenting his kids too? If you didn't want that connection back then.. don't try to make one for him now.
understand but i am not the
understand but i am not the one who left the relationship, he had left because his BM forced it or else she would keep his daughter from him. there were still ongoing problems and some involving CPS. He makes way more money than i so he wouldnt be entitld to pay him that and he only has her every other weeknd and she has 2 living parents.
My children do not and he was planing on adopting them.
I was once a scorned step mother but as a mother we do have rights FYI, must think of it on the other end at times
They aren't his children and
They aren't his children and he didn't adopt them. It doesn't matter who left.
I hope the court doesn't allow this money grab.
Your prior breeding choices
Your prior breeding choices are not your STBXH's problem nor are they his responsibility regardless of his unfulfilled intent to adopt your prior family progeny. There is no justification for your intention to use the legal system to extort money out of your STBX for your prior family progeny. It is just wrong, on any level, for you to even think about it much less do it.
I truly hope that you fail and that all of your children learn a very key lesson on what not to do as an honorable adult of character. Something that you clearly are not.
smh
awh sounds like you are
awh sounds like you are bitter about a BM in your life.
Once i succeed i will be sure to let you all know here.
Thanks for all the scrutiny !! WAs simply asking for experince from someone, not for everyone to tell me what a horrible human i am.
Nope. Rags has no BM. Only a
Nope. Rags has no BM. Only a lovely wife who he adores.
Geez Louise.
Geez Louise.
I'm finding your writing difficult to follow but it sounds like your ex husband left the marriage because his last ex was threatening to withhold his daughter from him? Is that correct?
If so, I'm really, really sorry. What a horrible pill to swallow. Your ex DH should have manned up...gotten the courts involved...called her bluff...anything other than give in to that crazy ultimatum and break up a second family. Again, I'm so sorry...that must really hurt.
Also...if I'm reading this correctly, it now makes more sense why he may have gone from wanting to adopt your kids and be a part of their lives to "wanting nothing to do with them" as you wrote in your OP.
All of this has to really hurt for you and all of your kids. Still - he made his choice, and he picked his daughter. The pain you're feeling about that fact doesn't justify trying to go after him for support...and I think you'll regret doing it once your head clears a bit.
Idk how it would work in
Idk how it would work in Canada but if you try to get him to pay child support what if he decides all of a sudden he wants to have some sort of custody? Are you okay with that?
Yes, infact i want this for
Yes, infact i want this for my kids and him. I want them to maintain that relationship
He may have to pay CS to you
He may have to pay CS to you for your joint child. But... any support that he provides for your prior family progeny should be at his sole discretion.
Saddling an unrelated X with the support of children that are in no way his is just wrong IMHO and does not speak well of your character.
was asking for experince
was asking for experince which you dont have in this scenario.
It will be up to a judge and not my ex to decide this
Never mind.
Never mind.
This is not a site to "go
This is not a site to "go after the BM" it's a site to support stepparents. Big difference.
However, many of us (stepmoms especially) have been tied to husbands saddled by unreasonable child support expectations...so you're not likely to get much sympathy for going after some guy for CS on kids who aren't even his. He didn't adopt them...you now say he "wants nothing to do with them" (did I read that correctly?)
My bigger question here is why would you try to force an unrelated man to pay for your kids? It's such bizarre thinking. I mean...go for it, I guess. The only person it can hurt is your 3 kids. And I totally hope that the resentment and stress you cause in doing so in no way affects the relationship between your joint kid and his ACTUAL dad...hope it doesn't make your two older kids feel hurt and rejected when this man they considered a replacement father resents their existence and counts down the days until they're grown.
Honestly...I have a lot of empathy for you OP. You've been through a lot in less than a decade...I'm sure you're worried for and about your kids...and maybe your ex is the biggest d-bag on the planet. If so...all the more reason to NOT use your kids to extort more money out of someone you should just cut ties with as cleanly as possible.
I'm questioning your thinking on this one...even though your intentions may be really good and even noble...you want to look out for your kids. But surely there's a better way than doing something like this.
Hold up...
Hold up...
So he was so close to them that he was going to adopt them, but then left you and them high and dry when the XW threatened him with his BK?
OP, that's not a man who gave a parental damn about your kids. In 3 years, he went from wanting to be a family to wanting nothing to do with your kids, and barely anything to do with his own.
Why in the hell are you wanting to stay tied to him any more than you have to?