Stepkids sleeping in bed
My 6 year old stepdaughter has nightmares occasionally and is afraid of rain/thunder. She will wake up during the night occasionally and want to sleep with us. Since I am not her father and I need my sleep as I work very long hours at a physical job I don't want her sleeping in the same bed as me so I will get up and go attempt to sleep on the hard couch in the living room. To be honest I do not like that my wife does this and wish she wouldn't allow her kids in our bed but when I bring this up she gets angry and says I only think about myself. I understand her wanting to comfort her child but wish she would take her back into her own room and encourage her to sleep there, not in our bed. However her daughter has gotten used to this lately and I've been spending many nights on the couch not sleeping because of this.
Beds
You are trying to set a boundary with your wife and her daughter and neither of them like or respect this. Telling your wife directly, without anger, “I like children but I do not sleep with children” is accurate, reasonable and for a step parent very sensible. There is no reason your wife cannot take this child back to the child’s room and comfort her there. I fought this battle with my 3 skids when they were much younger and closer in age to your stepdaughter, and the sooner she is out of your bedroom, the better for everyone.
There is no reason she cannot
There is no reason she cannot comfort her child in her own bedroom then quietly leave once she falls back to sleep in her own bed. Better yet encourage the child to go back to her roon and undermine the storms and nightmares and not feed into the fear. You are being a very smart step parent here. It is also not good for the child for her to be sleeping with her mom. Studies have show that children who sleep with their parents develop more slowly as they get age in several ways, mainly psychologically. This is a very good age for her to learn to sleep in her own bed and feel safe in it by herself, nightmares, storms, or otherwise.
This is interesting to me. I
This is interesting to me. I will google these studies. My stepson always sleeps in his mother's bed at her home, and in his own bed at ours. He does well with this only when he knows he will go back to his mother and sleep in her bed. When she had a boyfriend and he moved into her flat, the kid was terrified because he could not sleep in his mother's bed anymore, and then he was scared to sleep in his own bed at our home also. I give these details only to show the point that he is quite dependent on sleeping in his mother's bed even if he sleeps on his own at our home. He is a very immature child. Two of mine are close in age to him, and no one who meets them believes this. They think my children are many years older than stepson. They are taller than he is, yes, but it is not mostly that. It is mostly that he appears like a baby compared to my kids, who are mostly the same as other kids of this age. I have wondered many times if stepson has some disability or delay in development, but his teacher never asked for evaluation, so I think maybe it is that he is immature because he sleeps in his mother's bed.
Nope. The only time that my
Nope. The only time that my bio has been in my bed since hitting school age was after his ear surgery. He spent one night and a half day there as we needed to watch over him and our bathroom is 3 steps from the bed.
I live in FL. We get serious thunderstorms. We'd wake up and there would be a kid on the couch in the den.
Aside from anything else...
An unrelated male adult sharing a bed with a girl is just inviting trouble of a kind which I don't even want to think about. (Marriage goes south, you get hit with allegations of inappropriate behavior towards the girl, she tells the court that you shared a bed with her...noooooooooo.....)
"DW, I am not leaving my bed
"DW, I am not leaving my bed again. SD is not welcome to sleep here with me as I am not related to her. You can go to her room or you 2 can take the couch."
Say this firmly and infront of SD next time she comes into your room. Then roll over and go back to sleep. IF SD still tries to get in your bed- "SD- get out of my bedroom!"
I agree with everyone else & especially love this one!
Very simple and stern enough to make your point. You may lose a few night's sleep holding your ground, but better than the alternative.
This seems to be a lazy way out of dealing with children's nightmares on the part of mom.
When my SO moved in with me, his daughter tried to sleep in our bed with us. That was a big nope from me. It was a big nope from her mom too- when she heard about it.
You certainly don’t want SD
You certainly don’t want SD to tell at school that she sleeps with stepdad. Put a stop to it. Refuse to leave marital bed and refuse to allow SD there. If your wife wants to share a bed with SD they can do it on The couch or kids bedroom
Tell your wife all of this
Tell your wife all of this above ^^^^, but also how it could be interpreted by others as negative for you if SD mentions that she's sleeping with her stepdad. And trust me, it can. Hell when I was 10 I had to meet with our Social worker about sleeping in bed with my biodad. They questioned me on what happened, if it was inappropriate, etc. Granted, we were already in the Social services system, and my sister and I were left home alone for a week at a time, so when my dad was home for a night at a time I went and crawled into bed with him maybe 3 times ever, but they latched onto that and investigated it. It's not as if she can't go into bed with SD to comfort her, like most parents do!
You end up with what you put
You end up with what you put up with.
There is absolutely zero reason you should be sleeping on the couch.
Im willing to bet you're paying all the bills too- don't do it anymore.
It's actually kinda gross she
It's actually kinda gross she's bringing the kid into bed- don't let her do it anymore
Geez, some women...
As I always say, make it all about her kid's welfare: "Honey, if we keep bringing her into our bed, what will happen when she goes to camp, college, sleepovers? She has to learn the thunder won't hurt her, even if she's alone."
When that doesn't work, set the ultimatum and stick by it. Tell her she doesn't want to lose custody of her kids because they're sleeping in the bed with a grown man who is not their father.
My ss was 4 when I stopped the cosleeping
My Ss6 is nonverbal( normal in other ways but speech delayed). He has not coslept with us since he was 4. First we moved him into a bed in our room then into a bedroom shared woth ss12. Soon Ss12 is getting his own room so ss6 will be sleeping alone. He still cosleeps with BM. The nonverbal aspect has not stopped him from sleeping on hos own. Ss12 is scared of storms and has noghtmares he also sleep s like a rock in his own bed.
I used to have to wake up really early for work. Ss6( then 3) did not have a bedtime or a bedtime routine. This was STOPPED immediately on account of my job. He got his own bed in our room then his own bed in his room. Bedtime is now 9pm.
I also agree with the idea that it is inappropriate for a girl child to sleep in bed with a grown man. Maybe your wife doesn't think about this aspect so it is imperative that you at least make her aware of your concerns about this aspect.( and how many of us brought it up...better believe a court can and will bring it up also).
Edit: i just read your other blog" odd behavior..." Coupled with this behavior I would say that you have a definite red flag on your hands. I would watch out! Have a SERIOUS conversation with your wife about boundaries and ENFORCE those boundaries.
As your wife what her
As your wife what her daughter's father would say if he knew that his daughter was sharing your bed...
I had this issue with my SS
I had this issue with my SS who is 5. I told my husband that the bedroom is our space. We have our most intimate moments there and it's no place for his child.
Whenever his son comes in he has to either send him back to his room or get up and go sleep in SS's bed.
I made a clear boundary and told him I wasn't comfortable with SS in my bed with us. It seems to be working and I haven't had issues since.