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BF's lawyer and XW..Doing the right thing?

Cookieboom's picture
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I am new to this board.  I have been with my BF for about 2 years.  He and XW divorced 5 years ago as she left him for a MM, they share a 13-year-old child.   XW was due to move out of state with MM in March of 2019 and relinquished all parenting rights (Through email, told BF she didn’t want to get the courts involved).  I told him to get an emergency full custody order when she was gone, which he did not.  BF moved into a large house with a larger monetary rent in order to have a better living arrangement for his child. 

MM dumped XW and she came back the fall of 2019, wanting primary custody back and $15,000 in back child support.  BF obtained an attorney (one I didn’t like) who told him he owes $15,000 and they are now trying to figure out custody, which has been dragging out. 

I never met his XW and met his child about 3-4x (Briefly) after she left with MM.  When she came back and began demanding primary custody we decided that It would not be wise if I was around the child.   

BF and XW live in a small town, I live in the city.  XW only knows my first name and nothing else, as she had people telling her they saw us here and there.  Due to this we now do not hang out in town.  She tells child that “So and so saw your FATHER with Sunshinelady” and how there is rumors that I am dating other men.  She told child that we have been spotted in public by her friends and I am going to give everyone coronavirus and she and his maternal grandmother are going to die. 

She now has child FaceTime BF on her custodial days to talk nonsense.  She stands behind child and BF is asked, “Where are you?” “At beach,” “R u with Sunshinelady?” “No,” “Prove it,” (He has to panoramic the area) XW gets on FaceTime, announces son is staying an extra day/extra week, and “What do you care you are with your GF and our child hates her anyway.”

BF has attorney who has done nothing.  The paralegal told BF a week ago that they could hire a GAL but the attorney said that is not true and he can’t do anything about XW’s actions.  Attorney then said he wants to meet me and I may be subpoenaed!!!!!  I told BF, “For what? I’ve met your child 4x over a year ago.” 

Attorney also told BF they he should have family therapy with his child and his XW, to which BF’s therapist highly disagrees.  I told BF to get the custody order/CS modified, stick by it and get rid of this attorney ASAP.  Any advice?   Thank you!
 

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Your boyfriend needs a new attorney. He also needs to quit interacting with BM (birth mother) so much - no need to facetime with her in the background.

Cookieboom's picture

Thank you!  I do not like this attorney at all.  There is no need for me to be involved in this case as We do not live together and I do not impact the child’s life.  I have nothing to do with the care of the child.   I have told him to stop the FaceTime so hopefully he will listen!

Thumper's picture

You wrote:

XW was due to move out of state with MM in March of 2019 and relinquished all parenting rights.

Since you claim bio mom TPR'd.

Everything you wrote it moot. because she doesn't not have any rights.

Cant flip flop TPR

BUT since what bio mom and boyfriend did, which is not legal anyway. Now you have what you have.

Best of luck to you all.

What is MM

Maggot male, MAIL man,  Michael Moore? lol

 

Cookieboom's picture

 Sorry MM=Married Man

I know whats done is done.   BF and XW need to deal with this through the courts.  I was confused when his lawyer said they should get all get therapy together and I may be subpoenaed when I am not around his child. It makes me think her lawyer is fueling this. 

Survivingstephell's picture

This one hot mess!!!   This lawyer sounds like a conman just taking money. Find a new one. The ex left her kid and moved to another state.  

Rags's picture

Your BF really does have to fire his POS attorney and find one that is agressive and experienced in destruction of the blended family opposition in divorce or unwed breeder cases.

Never forget that an attorney, like a doctor, therapist, etc... works for you and if they are not delivering to  your expectations you can find one who will. I suspect that your SO's attorney has a deal with a therapist to forward clients.  I have always had trepedation over a lawyer that recommends therapy in a contentious family law case.  

Our first attorney was like this, which is why we fired her and hired a killer go for blood attorney who clearly understood the situatation, our expectations and abided no bullshit from the SpermClan or their parade of lawyers.

Good luck.

 

 

tog redux's picture

Wait, this is crazy - why does he owe HER child support for a time when he had full custody? 

He really, really needs a new attorney. And he really, really needs to tell his ex-wife to pound sand and quit entertaining her nonsense. He doesn't owe her or his child any explanation of his whereabouts and whether he's with you or not, why does he think he has to do that?

If he can't see that he's not obligated to jump every time she says to do so, this is going to be a long, long road for you.

Rags's picture

He didn't have full custody. He never filed to get it even after BM abandoned the kids with him.  He just stopped paying CS.  The OP advised him to get to court.

He does need a new attorney. A good one.

tog redux's picture

That doesn't matter, he had the child with him.

Women aren't entitled to child support just because they are female. She ran off, she sent the email saying he could have the child - SHE should owe child support.

Rags's picture

I agree.  The BM should owe CS. However far too many in the blended family world choose to not take assertive official action.  Courts don't care who actually has the kid, if there is a CS order the NCP must pay.  Since the dad in this case did not take the advice of his wife and take court action, he owes.  Right or wrong... he owes.

Interestingly the SpermClan kept paying CS to baby mama #2 though her daughter lived full time with SpermGrandHag and SpermGrandPa.  The deal was, keep paying or BM takes the kid back.  They did the same with baby mama #3.  They raised their three youngest Spermidiot spawned GKs in their home while paying CS to the wormb donors.  Spermidiot didn't pay a dime in CS on any of his 4 all out of wedlock children that he nor anyone in the SpermClan had legal or physical custody of.  Our son is the only one of the 4 who was actualy raised by the CP. 

Sadly, many NCPs seem to be intimidated into the pay to play CP model while the CP takes CS and has little to do with their children.   

Which, is just wrong on many levels.

 

Sandybeaches's picture

Something is not right here.  If she relinquished all rights and moved she also relinquished all rights to any child support starting from the day that order was signed.  Is this child support from before when the child was still with her?  If so that could possibly still be owed but I wouldn't think there would be any from after she gave up her rights.  

As far as you dating him or being around the child one thing has nothing to do with the other.  She can not run off with a married man and then try to dictate her ex's life or act like they are married.  She has no right to say who can be with him or around her child unless she could prove you had some type of a criminal record or something that could be harmful to the child and that is even a stretch.  He needs a new attorney I can't believe anyone would even entertain her crazy notions!! He needs a back bone and to stand up to this. 

You need to really watch how he plays this situation.  You are getting a front row seat to what your future will be like if you stay in this relationship!! 

Good luck!!

Cookieboom's picture

 

 

Hello,

Thanks for the replies.  I’m not disputing the fact he owes CS.

There was no order when she left!!! She convinced him “Not to go through the courts so we can save money” (She knows he grew up wealthy and his family lost everything, he went from riches to rags and has an issue with spending money)

I advised advised advised him to get emergency custody when she left but he didn’t.  He said, “She won’t do that,” when I said she could come back and take the child away…Because nothing was settled with the court, he owes her money…..

I know he has sent emails to his attorney with information about what has been happening.  Not sure what is happening when he meets the attorney as I have trying to stay out of it. I still do not know why his attorney wants to meet me due to the fact that we do not live together, I don’t impact the child’s life and I have nothing to do with the upbringing.   I told BF that I AM NOT MEETING HIS ATTORNEY as his custody agreement and CS modification has nothing to do with me. 

All I can do is stay out of the drama.  I told him that I can help with research and brainstorming, but he has to take care of this on his own.  

To answer on of the questions posted:  She has not claimed or unclaimed anything....When she came back she demanded child back and back child support.  When BF told her no she yelled, "You'll be hearing from my lawyer!!' He was then served with papers for the custody to go back to what it was in February of 2019 and CS.  He has been meeting with his attorney....He has been talking to the paralegal about her PAS (Parental alientation syndrome) and paralegal suggested he hire a GAL, to which his attorney disagreed to  the other day. 

tog redux's picture

I'm confused. How can he owe HER money if he had the kid alone for 6 months? Doesn't she owe HIM money for this time period?

He really, really needs a different and better attorney. One who can show that this mother will abandon her child when the child is not convenient for her.

Cookieboom's picture

Yes I agree!!!  BF has to call attorney next week to tell him that I have zero interest in speaking with him.  I will keep you all posted.  Thank you!

MelanieButler's picture

Well, this situation sounds really... shitty actually. I am sure about one thing. I am really sure that your boyfriend should actually get a new lawyer, as this one is really terrible, I actually consider that this kind of lawyers should not be even given the opportunity to work in this domain. Moreover, he has to fill for full custody, and I actually think that he has all th chances to get it. In case you won't be able to find a proper lawyer, I can recommend you this lawyers firm https://jamesonlaw.com.au/  they are really awesome.

Cookieboom's picture

The lawyer actually stepped up and is doing a great job.  I will take a look at the website just in case!