why is my cat so annoying and your kid is not?
Last night BF and I were having an argument about something stupid (not about BM for a change) and the cat was going kind of crazy outside the door.
He has been acting crazy, wailing and warbling all the time for the last few weeks. I think there is a cat outside that has been marking the walls and every time we open the window, the cat freaks out.
I do my best trying to calm the cat, play with him, and hold him. He loves to be held and if he could he would be held all day. But you cannot scream at a cat and make them do things really. You can shoo them off of the couch or counter, but there is not much you can do when they are vocal. And I am not sure if I can do much about the neighbor cat marking things. I am not unsymphatetic to the annoyance factor; it annoys me too, but it's limited as to how much I can do about it.
So last night during this argument the cat started wailing and BF says "I swear to god, i am going to kill your cat". I feel really weird about this statement. I dunno, he always gets really upset if the cat cries or does something he does not like. He yells at the cat all the time. I realize that the cat can be super annoying at times, but skid is starting to get the idea that it's okay to yell at my cats for everything. I am tired of them constantly yelling at the cat.
Especially that I put up with SO MUCH horseshit from the dynamics between BF and BM, skids weird behavior, whining and baby-talk. When she does that, I need to be in control and be the adult, the bigger person. Do I tell BF what I am going to do to the skid if she does not stop? I think BF would be very upset if I said something similar he said about my cat.
When it comes to my cat, then it's free for all. I wish that the constant drama with BM, BF and skid would be as much as the cat wailing, yet somehow the cat gets the brunt. Like the cat is my baby and it's getting blamed for everything, but when it comes to my BF looking at his own kids behavior, he is denial. He gets really defensive and nasty when I bring up issues about his daughter.
Sorry, thanks for letting me vent. I just feel like I would have such better life living on my own. My OWN life is totally sorted, I have no crazy baggage that I have brought into this relationship except a cat who is emotionally needy and vocal (bit like a puppy-dog). Then all of the sudden it's the BIG DEAL that bothers everyone. Grhrhrhhhhhhh. 
good question.. how come
good question.. how come when your cat "cries" it gets yelled at and threatened.. but skid dont get yelled at and threatened when it whines and is annoying..
at least the cats mother is not driving him nuts..
if he wants you to treat his kids a certain way and put up with bullshit ..the LEAST he can do is put up with a cat that is .. well .. being a cat..
Cat is fixed, he is 14 years
Cat is fixed, he is 14 years old. He has been fixed since he was old enough to be fixed, few months old or something, can't remember. Maybe it's springtime and his body remembers having balls a long time ago, ha-ha!
Funny, this is a household with males lacking balls. Just kiddin'
Anyways, I have even taken him to the vet to see if he is sick or something, but the vet said that he is part siamese and he is just vocal. It seems more so in springtime though. Oh, well...
I do not have kids, being around the SD makes me think it's probably not such a bad thing. Although, I suspect that if I had kids, I would raise them very differently from the skid. Limited tv, video games, read a lot, we would go outdoors, camping, observing and respecting animals.
Sounds good! Yeah, today
Sounds good!
Yeah, today is definitely one of those days that I think back of my single days FONDLY.
My nice, neat, comfy apartment with my cats and books. I had space for myself and things stayed where I left them. I could listen to music for hours; instead of TV and video games blaring all the time.
No distractions and BM freak-outs, no whiny skid picking through the pasta for the vegetables she does not like. No sticky spots where the skid dripped juice. No smear marks or hand prints on the bathroom (the day after I cleaned the bathroom) No skid hairs stuck on the side of the tub because BM never bathes her and she is extra oily when she is bathed by BF. No stepping on McDonald's toys, or finding the paper-wrapping of straws under the table, no tripping over kid size crocks. God damn it, I just really hate the whole thing today.
Greenfig, my cat did this.
Greenfig, my cat did this. She was 19. It was out of control...she sounded scared and was howling and making all sorts of noises. I think she had dementia. The vet gave me a sedative but it was difficult to give it to a cat. I got something called Rescue Remedy...it is this herbal stuff, you can get it at the supermarket...I gave it to her and she stopped that night. My stepsister gives it to her dog, who also cried, and it has helped her dog.
Btw, BF was all worried about whether SD was able to sleep through it and worried BM would give him hell...sigh.
Get the Rescue Remedy and let me know how it works!
I remember out siamese cat..
I remember out siamese cat.. she had more to say than most people I know..haha
Steperg is probably
Steperg is probably right...BF is the first one to criticize my son when he does wrong or call him weird when my son does the same exact thing as his daughter. She gets nothing said to her and my son gets yelled at...which is what should happen when he does wrong but imagine how unfair life looks to him.
My dh made one comment, one
My dh made one comment, one time about my mother. And while it is a fact that she tends to create tension, my very calm response was "I put up with your baggage every day, a day long, you can deal with mine once in awhile". I suggest you tell your bf in a nice way that unless he'd appreciate you behaving that way to his children, humans who actually understand when you tell them to be quiet or to quit doing something, he better back off the cat. Yes, you are older than his kids, but they still understand "being annoying" and "cut it out". Clearly, the cat does not. Is he suggesting your cat is / should be smarter than his kids?
"That's how women are, aren't they? We want to know that others have been where we've been, who understand our fragile places, and who see our sunsets in the same shades of blue" - Beth Moore
"I put up with your baggage
"I put up with your baggage every day, a day long, you can deal with mine once in awhile"
Exactly! You are right about not being able to reason with a cat; it's not a human being. You cannot explain a cat that there will be consequences to his warbling.
i use the baggage card once
i use the baggage card once in a while, too..... i only use it when i am MAD MAD MAD -- so it comes out a little nastier then the above comment...... but really comparing my baggage "a cat" and his baggage "2 PIA skids, screwy BM, extremely controlling, overbearing MIL and bm's parents on occasion" ~~~ he knows it's a losing battle when i start the baggage talk.
i would beat the shit out of
i would beat the shit out of either of the skids if they looked at either of my cats the wrong way...in the beginning, i told them if either were to be scratched or bitten by my cat (only one angel at the time) that it ould be their fault and they would be in BIG TIME SERIOUS trouble for messing with the kitty... and there was a time the skids would scream at our dogs...... well, that stopped in a hurry... i'm not saying that telling skids to not fucking scream at the dogs is the best way to communicate but it worked......
The thing is that the skid
The thing is that the skid goes from being nice to the cat to yelling at the cat. Sometimes she holds it like a doll (he loves that type of attention) but then next thing you know, she is yelling at him because he is meowing. She is just basically teaming up with BF since BF yells at the cats all the time.
I have asked BF number of times to tone it down, but he has not. He says okay, he understands, then goes back yelling at the cat.
It's like he never wants to discuss the BM or the skid, whenever I bring it up he gets reluctant or tries to change the subject. When it comes to the cat he complains and yells all the time. Like the cat was the biggest problem we have. We have a 300 ton pink BM sitting in our living room, but he is in denial about it; it's just easier to take it out on the cat.
I am just a bit worried about the remark of "killing the cat". Is this some kind of threat? Is BF threatening me through the cat? You know how some people say that no threats should be taken lightly?
how long have you been with
how long have you been with BF?
i don't know about you, but it would be a huge big ass fight everytime dh or skids yelled at my cat --- and the yelling would stop or the opportunity to yell would stop. i'm thinking bf is a douche bag at this time......a grown man yelling at a cat --- dumb fuck!
4 years
4 years
I completely sympathize
I completely sympathize w/you. I love Siamese, but they are VERY vocal cats and they don't always adapt to change well. I somehow miraculously ended up with quiet Siamese believe it or not. The senior one did not adapt well to the skid though. She started marking his bedroom door. It's annoying to me as well as everyone else, but if I have to deal w/egg donor, MIL and skid then DH and skid can deal w/cats bad behavior too. We have had her checked by the vet. Some of it is a medical problem that is being treated and part of it is just bad behavior. MIL decided to tell skid to leave the door open to let the cats out because she hates pets and is terrified of them. I hope she was joking, but I'm really not sure if she was or not. That of course did not go over well w/me and thank goodness skid never tried it. The day he lets my pets out is the day I move out.
Greenfig, your DH is totally
Greenfig, your DH is totally wrong for constantly yelling at your cat - especially if all the cat is doing is whining (not physically destroying anything or hurting his kids or anything).
Sounds to me like the only way he knows he can "hurt" you or "get back" at you when you're fighting is to direct his anger at your cat. What a man - so big, so strong.
I agree with you completely. Between the skids, the BM and all that goes with them, you "put up" with A HELL OF A LOT MORE with his "baggage" on a daily basis than he puts up with in yours.
With that said, what really pisses me off about your post is that your skids are starting to "mirror" how your DH treats your cat. Oh HELL NO! I would make sure they know the rules about that - there is to be NO negative contact (yelling at, hitting, kicking) with your cat or they will be PUNISHED and will be in BIG TROUBLE.
Honestly, how a human being treats an animal is very symbolic of how they are as a person. No human being with compassion would sit there and abuse an animal, for any reason. There is no excuse for them bullying your cat - NO EXCUSE.
I'm a cat lover, so this post really hit close to home for me. My beloved cat (Milo) just passed away in January and he was 11 years old (I had him since he was a cute little 6 mo. old kitten). When I moved in with BF, it was made CRYSTAL CLEAR to skids that Milo was to be treated with kindness - and that any nastiness or poor treatment would NEVER, EVER be tolerated.
I agree with someone above when they suggested that DH & skids likely see your cat as your "baby", especially if you don't have any biokids (as Milo was like a son to me & I have no biokids). All the MORE reason why they should be treating your cat like a member of the family - with LOVE, not with disdain and abuse.
I have 3 cats one is very
I have 3 cats one is very vocal and I find it cute. H doesn't think so. He yelled at her once. I told him don't make me choose between him and the cat and laughed. He hasn't challenged me again. His youngest son used to pick on her. I actually told him if I even think he is picking on her again he will be escorted out by a police officer only psycho serial killer types pick on animals in my opinion and I'm not living with a psycho serial killer. SS continued and that was the straw that broke the camels back and the final nail in his coffin to kick him out. He has boomeranged back home but this time he knows that if my cat isn't happy I'm not happy and the cat lives here he's just a short term guest.