The blended family life is hard. I don't love love my skids. I care about them, and I try to be a good SM to them. But I'm not their mother. I disengage frequently to let my DH take control. DH is very supportive of me and ultimately respects our family system. He includes me in everything and puts our marriage first. Of course, we have disagreements, but with some discussion, we can often come to a compromise or understanding. I am very fortunate and blessed to have this with him. But it didn't come easy. Entirely different story there. Lol

But one of the most amusing things that I am continuously coming across are those who claim to be able to be "friends" with their SO ex. Of course, I support coparenting and being amicable for the sake of the kids. But based on my experience with BM, that will NEVER happen. So here's my story as to why I will never be friends with her. I won't even acknowledge her, let alone let her in my house. Lol.

From the beginning, I believe BM felt threatened by my presence. She had cheated on DH, which ended their relationship, not to mention all of the other flaws in their relationship. DH will admit to not being in love or even really in like with her -- that the only reason he stuck it out was for his kids. SS6 was an accident, a result of a friends with benefits relationship. As a matter of fact, DH had intended on ending everything the day BM admitted to him she had gotten pregnant (idiots). So they apparently tried their best, and had a rocky relationship. They would attempt to mend it, resulting in SD3(...IDIOTS). Anywhoo, she eventually moved out (DH found out after the fact she had cheated). Fast forward 9 months to him meeting me. We began spending time together, becoming exclusive a month or so later (although neither of us had been with anyone else since the beginning anyway). During that time, it was obvious we'd be spending a lot of time together, and DH wanted me to meet his kids. The 2 most important people in his life. They always came first (you can see where our problems got rocky about 3 months in, but that's not what this is about). But, at this time, she could see where we were headed, and all of a sudden became a jealous 3-headed monster. She decided that she would not permit HER children to be exposed to random women in her children's lives (I was the first; never mind, she had already introduced 3 by then). But DH made a point that I wasn't going anywhere.

This was pretty much ongoing, a power struggle with BM. Attempting to withhold visitations (no CO was in place at the time) and her other threats of alienation. Typical. I STILL tried to be civil with her for the sake of my then boyfriend's relationship with his kids. I'd be respectful and speak to her and ask her about things so that she would feel more secure with me. It got better. We did joint parties and such. Until DH proposed. Then it all went back to hell.

A week before DH and I were to be married, BM sent him a text while he was on his way to work (her favorite thing to do still -- contact him when she believes him not to be around me), begging him not to marry me and to give "their family" a chance. Long story short, he denied her, putting her in her place and telling her to NEVER speak to him that way again. I felt be handled it appropriately, so I never mentioned it. Tried to forgive and move past it for the sake of peace.

The final straw occurred 2 months later on SD's 3rd birthday. AGAIN, BM contacted my now husband, begging him to leave me and be with her. A long conversation ensued where she tried to guilt trip and point fingers and "apologize", but again, DH stood firm with his responses and put her in her place. When he told me the next morning after getting off work, I'd had enough. I confronted her. Now, none of us get along, and I had to help DH pursue legal action to maintain his relationship and rights with his kids. The agony that BM put him and the skids through was more than I can tolerate. I know what she really is. And I even acknowledge that if I had met her without knowing anything else, I still wouldn't like her.

So THAT is why I will never be able to have any sort of amicable relationship with her. We don't speak, and I do my best to ignore her. I have zero respect for anyone who would disrespect me or my family like that. So she and her other family can all rot for all I care.

Thanks for listening! Sorry so long, but I just wanted to share and maybe even vent a little. So what's your relationship with the BM (or BD)?