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Why do we try to help?

SecondGeneration's picture

Learnt the lessons you guy preach here, dont bother offering to help out!

Within the CO it is worded that upon the event of SD being ill, or the school being closed, it is the responsibility of the parent that would be dropping SD off at school to provide the childcare until the normal end of school day.
This is also how the BM and my fiance have handled things in the past, with the odd exception of BM offering my fiance to have SD as of the morning.

Last week my fiance received an email, informing him that the following day (his day to collect SD) the school was going to be closed and told him to meet her in the morning to collect SD. No question, just plain expectation for him to be there. Baring in mind it was a working day, now, how much BM knows about my fiances job I do not know. He works shifts, and generally they fall so he can collect SD straight from school so whether BM thinks he works nights and would be free we honestly dont know.
My fiance was a bit annoyed, and debated calling his boss to try to get the day off.

However, I had the day off anyway. So I offered to my fiance to collect SD for him so SD could stay with me for a few hours between then and when my fiance would finish (about midday) as then it would save him and BM having to take extra time off work.

BMs reply? Her first reply was quite reasonable, she replied to say that she would allow me to collect SD on this occassion but that she didnt want it to become regular. My fiance replied that he also has no intention of having this become a regular occurence and was simply offering it as an option and that if BM is not comfortable with it then she is welcome to arrange alternate childcare and he would just collect SD at 3.30pm as normal.

Collection and everything went fine, BM is one of those that will argue via email but face to face wont say a word.
I dont have any relationship with BM, we dont know one another and have only crossed paths a few times in the past few years.

This week? BM is blowing up my fiances email inbox about how he had plenty of notice of the closure and should have arranged to collect SD. My fiance has so far ignored her emails.

So next time, I probably wont bother offering!

simifan's picture

He should have told BM how he arranges for care on his time is none of her business. He needs to shut her down. He should tell her if she continues he will file harassment charges. Then do it. If BM wanted a say in DH's parenting, she should have stayed married.

SecondGeneration's picture

Thankfully they were never married. They were dating when BM got pregnant, they moved in to try to make it work, and BM moved out (leaving SD behind) after my fiance caught her in bed with someone else.

I dont really mind her having an issue in me collecting SD all the time, because ultimately the time is for him not for me, but it was offered in attempt to avoid either of them having to take time off work and loose money. I dont appreciate having the bitchiness after it.

Stepped in what momma's picture

IMHO it is his responsibility to keep up with school closings if part of the CO states the responsibility of the parent that would be dropping SD off at school to provide the childcare until the normal end of school day.

SecondGeneration's picture

From the wording of the CO, on this occassions its BMs responsibility to provide child care as my fiance is only responsible for SD as of 3.30pm that day. However if everyone is THAT picky with COs then they will have to have very long COs!
My fiance is more than happy to take SD earlier and help out when hes able, but unfortunately repeated requests directly from SDs school he doesnt get informed until too late. Ironically we received a letter from the school a few days later (so after the day itself) to inform him the school would be shut. The letter had been sent second class the day before the school was going to be closed. So his first knowledge of this school closure was BMs email.

twoviewpoints's picture

Then he simply replies to BM to review that section in the CO. No need for BM to continue ranting at Dad, the CO is specific in how/what the situation is handled.

It was very kind of you to go pick-up SD and tend to her. But don't expect BM to show you one ounce of gratitude. She doesn't like how the CO didn't suit her needs this morning so of course it's all Dad's fault.... some BMs just work that way.

Rags's picture

BF needs to highlight the part of the CO that says "upon the event of SD being ill, or the school being closed, it is the responsibility of the parent that would be dropping SD off at school to provide the childcare" roll up the CO so that line shows and beat BM over the head with the rolled up CO until the message sinks in to her thick skull.

Most of all he needs to have fun doing it. }:)