Why do birth parents think their kids are perfect?
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I've noticed a trend. Even when their kids are being rude, disrespectful, throwing tantrums, throwing things, eye rolling, being cruel, saying cruel things, interrupting, being lazy, acting like slobs, acting entitled, etc. bio parents will say their kids are just being kids. Why do they fail to see reality? Do they see other children this way?
They don't all think that.
They don't all think that. Good parents don't think that at all.
They dont. I know my ODS isn
They dont. I know my ODS isn't anywhere near perfect and I love him despite that. I do however see my YDS as perfect at the moment because he is a baby, but I know he will grow up to have personality flaws the same as everyone else.
It seems like the parents with narcissistic tendencies who view the kids as extensions of themself OR who have low self esteem and view criticism of the kids as criticism of their parenting are more insistent that their kids are perfect.
My SO doesn't think his kids
My SO doesn't think his kids are perfect even when they're at their best. God knows my parents didn't think I was perfect (and they were right).
Parents who are personality
Parents who are personality disordered see their kids as extensions of themselves. They absolutely must see their kids as perfect. If they see flaws in their kids, then in their minds, that means they themselves have flaws.
(stepping off my social worky soapbox now- LOL!)
That’s true
I noticed that with people who have lots of narcissistic traits (they set their kids up for failure too )
Very helpful. When I was
Very helpful. When I was still trying to be friendly to BM I told her how her older son had made a card (which I supplied stuff for and made him do for xmas gifts to relatives) that I felt was at professional level. I was so impressed I thought she'd want to know. She got all huffy and upset and said "He's a very talented kid."
....errrr....
DNA goggles?Self-delusion?
DNA goggles?
Self-delusion?
Parents who see their children as perfect usually have the worst children because they lack the ability to correct and displine bad behaviour.
It does the kids a huge disservice.
Parents know. They may
Parents know. They may defend their kids against "outsiders" but they know. Like they can say their kid is a wreck.. but dare someone else.. nope.
Yeah...my DH can certainly
Yeah...my DH can certainly see his kids' faults and it really frustrates him.
I've seen the behavior you're talking about though. One of the weirdest was probably when I was in my 20s working at a high-end restaurant in the evenings. This group of 8 came in...2 parents with two little kids (probably about 7 and 5 or 6 and 4...) and then two other couples.
On the elevator on the way down to the table, the litle boy started squealing and whining that he was getting squished (he had just as much room as everyone else) and his parents said: "Ethan's getting squished!!!" and all these adults dutifully backed away and gave him a radius of personal space while everyone else was cramped.
After I took this family and their friends to their table...the parents said: "Emily...Ethan...where do you want to sit?" and then made their couple friends wait while their kids ran around the table to pick out their seats. This seemed to take forever...perhaps because our menus were made of wood and leather and were very heavy...and I was standing there holding 6 of them until everyone sat down.
As soon as they sat down, Ethan picked up a knife and began cutting his kid's menu in half. Emily giggled: "Mom. Dad. Look at Ethan!"
His mom turned to look and, instead of being horrified, said: "Oh Ethan! You're so creative!!!"
My jaw was on the floor.
I don't know how those people keep any friends. I wouldn't go out with them.
Active parents dont
I think parents who fall under one of these categories think their kids are perfect: Lazy and Ignorant, Marshmallows who coddel their children, and Parents who feel guilty for a divorced family. Generally I see those types say their kids are perfect. I think one of the posts above nailed it, good parents dont think that. Parents who are truly active in parenting and active in rasing their kids to know the differnce between right and wrong (and having values) dont think their kids are perfect.
For bio parents to admit their kids have issues
means admitting they failed at parenting and raising their kids with basic manners and get them towards independence.
i remember when ss started college and was 18-19 hubby said he’s so independent and getting better. I’m like “really? Which part? Because he still has daddy giving him an allowance of $1000 per month, daddy still pays his phone bills and treats him for lunch dinner and buying uni supplies, he has to be constantly reminded and re-reminded of what needs to be done. Is that independence?”
its embarassing for some parents to admit their kids have flaws
with narcissistic parents, when things are wrong or bad, they’re viewed as good or great, there is no false for them, they’re perfect when not so often if people criticised their kids they’d justify its nothing even if you laid down the facts