Why am I questioned at every step?
Does anyone else have the problem that DH can talk to his children any way he wants, but I'm always questioned about my actions and tone?
For example, I'm getting ready for work and about to hop in the shower when SD bangs on the door and (albeit politely) says she has to use the bathroom. I tell her she'll have to wait until I'm finished with my shower -- I'm quick, maybe 5 minutes. (Perhaps I should have wrapped a towel around myself and waited in the hallway? That would have been nicer, but I'm getting ready for work like I do every morning, and she's not even supposed to be up yet.) Anyway, DH demands: Why did you tell her she couldn't use the bathroom? He will tell them to leave him alone when he's in the bathroom.
Another example: SS wakes up very early and I'm again getting ready for work. DH invites him to rest in our room until it's time for him to get up. I get PO'd as I have to get ready in our room, and say as much. DH again says I'm just being b*****, and SS will leave when I have to get ready. Luckily, I have a lovely SS who really did leave, no complaints. But really, why am I the bad guy when I use common sense?
I also often get questioned about the "tone" I use with the children. I'm sorry, but they're children -- and sometimes that tone is necessary. I do not, ever, yell at any children so my tone is all he can complain about.
My DH and I get along really well for the most part and we make it a point to talk together in front of the children, 8 and 10, to come to decisions affecting them, so they see me as an authority figure, not a friend (thank gosh).
But does anyone have any advice on how to tell my husband that I can't be a perfect angel every day, much like he isn't?! And any advice to get him off my back?
I have determined to work on my "tone" until I hear some suggestions from all of you ...
You work on that tone.
Hone it. Perfect it. Get it down pat. Then use it on your husband.
I mean, when you're a stepparent, what else do you have? My BS9 mouthed off to me a few months ago in the worst way and I smacked his cheek. Not hard. No mark or anything, but it sure got his attention. I told him I would not tolerate him speaking to me that way. He hasn't done it since. Could I do that with my skids? No way. Which kids do you think speak to their parents in a respectful tone, my kids or my skids? My kids do, of course, because they've learned that lesson. Point is, I wouldn't change a thing. If he wants to have looser boundaries between himself and his children, then that's fine. That's his call. But he doesn't get to set YOUR boundaries for YOU. That's YOUR call. And if you don't want your skids in your bedroom while you're getting ready for work, then he should respect that. If he doesn't like the way you keep them in check, then HE needs to keep them in check. Thank him for having such a high opinion of you that allows him to think you are perfect, but remind him that mere mortals don't always want their privacy invaded upon by someone else's children. Record him in the act. I did this with my husband once for a different reason and he was surprised at what he heard. Turns out we human beings, although we have both ears and mouths, can't listen while we are speaking and hear while we are talking.
~ Anne ~
"Adjust on the fly, or you're going to cry."
Steve Doocy, The Mr. and Mrs. Happy Handbook
You're Just Plain Brilliant!
You need to write an i-cast so we can download an episode of "What would Anne do..." when we need it.
"Bitter? Table for ONE..."
My biokids would never be
My biokids would never be allowed to talk back or have a tone in their voice. My skids on the other hand always were allowed to get away with it and still do to this day! I hate it!