Why am I doing this?
Forums:
Have you ever sat back in a situation where you feel like you've put in so much effort, for so little in return, and it just becomes monotonous? Like, it doesn't even matter what I do, nothing I do can or will make a difference, so why am I killing myself for this? That's how I feel about helping DH fight for custody of his kids. It's expensive, tiresome, constant source of negativity and hard work. I hate this. I hate BM for doing this to our family.
If DH wins, it will
If DH wins, it will absolutely be a good things for the kids. They are happier here, even if they won't outright say that so as to not betray their mom....we have more structure, and more resources to help them with school. Mom lives out of the district, and makes friend making very difficult. She takes SS12 to neurology appointments, behavioral therapists never gives one professional the others' findings, and got SS12 loosely diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. I say loosely, because the doc's words were "based on mom's evaluation, and I don't have more time to test him, I'll say he has this so we can get the ball rolling on some therapy for him." Meanwhile, she does it all behind DH's back, and the neurology report states there is nothing wrong with him. so she justifies SS12 doing poorly in school because he has this disorder, (which he doesn't have) and blames DH for not acknowledging it and helping him through it. She has done NOTHING to pursue help for him with this disorder btw. Just sits back and blames DH for it. Argh. The real clincher is that SS12 is very smart. He is quite capable of doing his work, and doing it well. He knows DH and BM don't talk. So he can refuse, and no punishment will come. He can lie, and say he'll do it later at the other's house. He can do lots of things to get out of it, and he certainly has been given the leeway to do so from her end. Even when DH and I sat on him to get his work done the last quarter, he got some B's, and still failed 3 classes. We can't control what goes on while he's with his mom. She won't check the quality of his work, and she hoards big projects, so we can't help. The one time he was able to bring a huge project over, we helped him, and he got a B, when he surely would have failed with her "help".
It's just frustrating, because SS12 is approaching teenage years, and even if we are granted custody of him as a means for him to consistently get his work done, he could still up and run to her house and say he doesn't want to live under our rules, and back to court we go. It's just so frustrating.
The issue is the parenting
The issue is the parenting schedule changed. DH used to have skids from 5pm-7am every day (still alternating weekends) and BM decided she needed to take care of the homework, and things got flipped upside down. And now, SS12 is mostly suffering for is. SS8 is doing fine in school, but he battles this more emotionally. If it went back to DH having a more consistent routine, I'm sure we could get SS12 in line, because when we have him for a 5 day stretch, or for a week of vacation, the kid we know always comes back. It's just difficult with the constant back and forth.
That is a great
That is a great question...and when you dig deep for the truth...you will find your answer...
I know exactly how you feel.
I know exactly how you feel. I am also a SM to two boys teenage boys and I feel like that most days out of the year.
Alll I know is that if it is something your DH feels passionate about then you should do your best to support him.
I get where you are coming from. There is nothing simple or straight forward about our lives and it is terrible that someone else seems to always affect our day (BM).