When should we start showing affection in front of SD
I first want to start by saying my BF is a great dad to his 8 year old daughter and does whatever he has to do to give his daughter the life he did not have so I respect him and the father he is.
One of my frustrations in our relationship is that he does not allow us to do show any affection in front of his daughter. She comes over his house every weekend. So while we are spending time or out on the weekends he and I can’t, hold hands, kiss, sit beside each other, barely hug each other and sometimes can’t even stand outside and talk without SD throwing a fit or trying to interfere with our interaction. He pretty much acts as if he doesn’t notice her doing it unless she is totally disrespectful to me which has only happened a few times. She is overall a good kid but really thinks she is her dads GF and doesn’t want his attention on any but her.
When is an appropriate time for us to start showing affection in front of her. I don’t want to push the issue too much since it is his daughter and his rules for the most part. But I feel like I’m not important or his GF when she is around and we have hide the fact that we are together just so she doesn’t act out.
I avoided physical contact in
I avoided physical contact in front of my SD when dating my husband. I didn't want her to be uncomfortable. I thought it was the right thing to do.
SD was in her late teens/early 20s when she started seeing us together. In hindsight, it was a mistake to not show my husband affection around her. It gave her the illusion that I was just there, like the maid or the waitress, rather than someone invited into his life.
I believe SD would have been jealous and nasty even if we had shown affection in those early years. But by not showing her our affection for each other, it made it easier for her to cast me aside as an interloper. It's nearly 20 years later, and SD still believes she should hold the primo spot with her father. She is the dark cloud over our relationship always.
It's normal for adults to show affection when they're dating or married. If you and he are committed for a year or more, it's time to lift the veil and let SD know what that means. If you don't show her your position now, she will only be worse later. However, if you've only been dating six or nine months, wait until you know you're solid with him before you shake her world.
Apparently, no matter the age, a SD seeing her father with "another woman" really shakes them and makes them ugly. Don't bring that trouble onto yourself unless your relationship has stood the test of some time to make it worth the trouble.
Thank you for your advice and
Thank you for your advice and opinion. You are right, He and I will start slowly showing affection around her soon. I believe it is time. I’m sure she sees it at BM house since she is married so we should not be any different.
Lol you sound like me, I have
Lol you sound like me, I have definitely thought about just kissing him when I feel like it but I don’t want to deal with his daughter acting out and giving me attitude the rest of the day or weekend. I try my best to keep the peace and be the adult, I don’t want to be her enemy but soon things will have to start changing or he and I will be having other conversations.
Thanks for your opinion and advice !
I disagree that he is a great
I disagree that he is a great dad. He is allowing a child to control adult relationships, encouraging her jealousy, and her attitude that she is his main squeeze. She is his miniwife. This is emotional incest. You are there to further kiss her arse or she will throw tantrums without any fear of discipline. She is an entitled princess with too much power. Run.
Just remember
There are many ways, where SO can get his DD full time. Death of BM, BM going to jail, in hospital, just gives up So you can’t not count on this only happening EOW. You are not taking SD on a vacations, if you do you can not sleep with SO, or get a babysitter ??? This issue has to be solved before you go on. It’s only going to get worst at time go on
I'd find someone without a
I'd find someone without a little mini wife--- it's disgusting and weird these relationships some of these guys have with their daughters.