What makes a bio parent like this???
Ok I'm on my second marriage and both men were divorced with young children. They BOTH had totally different personalities BUT when it came to their ex and kids exactly the same. My first husband was better about Disciplining his kid or otherwise there would have been no second marriage for me. Both men were total cowards regarding the BM and let her control/call the shots way to much. My first marriage failed totally because of his ex wife and his Inability to stand up to her. Both men would rather fight with me than stand up to the ex. Both men wanted to make a perfect life for their kid and I was always but third. Kid, ex wife then me. Both kids were spoiled and bratty. My second marriage DH tip toes around SS and wants to play Disney dad 24/7.
So is it me or what??? Is my picker broken? What makes Intelligent successful men such spineless Cowards to both their ex-wife and children?
Money and fear of losing
Money and fear of losing their kids.
Yep.
Yep.
Courts are biased towards mothers. They know it. They have been beaten down and have to pay so much money that they become broken.
It isn't until they stop giving a crap about the fallout that anything changes- however, that usually comes at a serious price with either the relationship with their child (HCBM's will play victim to make the child feel like they have to choose sides and protect their mother) or major financial repercussions for lawyers and court.
My DH stopped giving a crap,
My DH stopped giving a crap, but it will come at the price of a relationship with his son. DH went to court for more visitation and joint legal, claiming parental alienation and interference by BM. The courts basically told DH to give up and just pay CS. The courts did not do anything to prevent BM from abusing DH and the system, so DH took a step back. He spent $40k on court to get nowhere and he is financially tapped out. We see SS 6 weeks per year on long distance schedule. The only way he stood up to BM was by taking a step back, setting firm boundaries, and following the CO exactly. He knew he could either let BM control and ruin his whole life or he put a stop to BM through strong boundaries with the risk of losing his son to parental alienation.
You might have a type, could
You might have a type, could be something to look into either with therapy, or some self reflection.
It doesn't sound like their personalities are too far off if they both cave into whatever their ex wives want and they cater to whatever the child wants.
I don't think men see it as being spineless cowards, they view it as conflict avoidance. If they do what the ex wants, and what the kid wants they don't have to do anything other than keep the boat going forward. And yes it is easier to fight with you, because they figure you won't leave.
Lack of character, lack of confidence, and lack of ....
testicular fortitude.
You have a type. You might want to try something a bit different when choosing your next mate.
Good luck.
It’s you but not really!
If I were to ever date another man, one thing is certain. No kids! I do not care how nice he presents himself. It's a dealbreaker. Trick me once!
It doesn't even change after you have a baby with the guy. You THINK he would treat you like a queen the way he did and still does his ex. But he doesn't! What's in front in the present is never a priority because they are always chasing their former life.
Divirce him and next time if there is a kid don't even give him your time. They are ALL the same.