Second marriage ready to throw in the towel again. Is it me or the nature of the beast??
First Marriage- Husband had controlling in your face ex-wife with needy clingy stepson. Classic Disney dad and could never say no to ex wife. Overbearing Exwife And husband who could not tell her to back off the reason we divorced. He openly lied to her for over a year about our relationship due to the fact she was still in love with him. He was legally separated from her at the time and the only reason they weren’t divorce she would not sign the papers. I met him AFTER he left her.
Second and current Marriage- Same scenario but WAY worse. ex wife hates my husband this time. Step son is a TOTAL monster who at only 11 hits adults Without consequences and will routinely tell me to shut up and tells me he DOES not need to Respect me. My husband bends over Backwards for this little bastard and he just expects more and more. The ex makes Unreasonable demands both financially and physically which my husband caters to. This effects our life Considerably.
So again I am ready to Throw in the towel But thinking are all divorced men with children like this? It seems like each time it’s getting worse for me! Why are the two men I married So similar is it’s something I’m doing or not doing? Both for whatever reason they put Their ex-wife’s feelings/wants before mine. Why??? Both were “Disney dads” and had needy Clingy kids that they Worshipped. The second marriage the kid was a rude little bastard who treated me like crap and my husband did nothing.
Is this just bad luck,am I doing something wrong or is this just how it is being married to someone with kids from another Marriage???
Quite honestly after this second disaster I’m thinking of just getting a couple dogs and calling it quits!
It sounds like you're
It sounds like you're attracted to the wrong kind of man. Lots of us on here are. Why are we willing to accept so little?
How long did you know husband #2 before you married him? Were you around his beast much?
I dated “second husband” for
Six years before I married him. He wanted to get married after knowing me just two years but I was the one dragging my feet due to his situation. Honestly I was hoping as the brat got older the situation will get better but it only got worse after we got married and he got older.
The ex makes Unreasonable
The ex makes Unreasonable demands both financially and physically which my husband caters to. This effects our life Considerably.
Of course it affects your life and it is unreasonable to expect you to put up with it. If he is still going to cater to his ex, and his kid, he should have stayed single (or married to her).
Allowing his kid to disrespect you like that just shows that HE has no respect for you, either.
No, not ALL divorced men are like this but there are a lot of them out there and it can take some time to figure it out, as a lot of them hide it, at first.
My DH was separated when I
My DH was separated when I met him and it's worked out fine for us in the end - in retrospect it probably set BM off more which didn't help, but IMO, DH was well over his marriage and we've been going strong for 10 years almost now.
I think it has very little to do with whether or not he's separated or divorced, and more to do with how he parents and how he deals with BM. You acknowledge yourself that you knew he wasn't a great parent but you hoped it would get better as SS got older. After 6 years, you must have had a sense of how he managed BM and how he parented, so yes - I think for whatever reason, you ignore red flags.
This could happen if he'd been divorced for 7 years - it's about his boundaries and his willingness to do the hard work of parenting instead of being his kid's friend. Seems like a lot of women on here ignore those red flags and plow forward with getting married, and then find themselves in your situation.
Might help to find a good therapist who can help you sort that out.
Marrying someone with an ex
Marrying someone with an ex and kids is nothing but drama. The kids and the ex (or both) are always stirring up some kind of drama. The kids usually have some form of emotional issues along with already being entitled and spoiled (they are used to having their parents to themselves and don't want to share). Anyone else poses a threat to them and the attention they get from having their parents all to themselves and getting what they want. Their parents over compensate which does not help matters. You are seen as the disposable person by both the kids and the parent. Then there's the ex and their weird unhealthy issues. And the ex is constantly hoovering because of the kids. I say try and find someone child free.
I vote for getting a couple
I vote for getting a couple of dogs. Yes, a good portion of them are like this. If DH and I don't work out I'm sticking to dogs. Trust me, there are TONS of new hobbies you can take up with them. I've got 2 versatile dogs and do hunt tests and learning to upland bird hunt -something I NEVER considered before and I'm loving every second of it. You can do agility too which is fun. Get you a good sporting dog and find your life forever changed. The communities in the breed clubs or clubs like Navhda are amazing. A whole new life I found.
So, what is it about you that
Q`1: So, what is it about you that finds this model of men appealing?
There are two common denominators in your repeat relationship equation and two quesions that you should answer.
CD 1. Formerly bonded breeder men with no balls who cannot put you and your marriage first.
CD 2. Your attaction to these non man wastes of skin.
Q2: So, what is it about them that you find so appealing?
The number of people who marry these types and enter into a blended family relationship with them is mind boggling to me. A turd is a turd no matter how much you polish it. Any turd from the same pile of crap is never going to be a diamond.
My XW was a cavern crotched adulterous whore. I avoided any chance of a long term relationship with those types after the fortunate demise of that marriage. Insanity is doing the same things repeatedly while expecting a different result.
Why are you repeating the same relationship model while expecting a different result?
That is the $Mil question.
Sounds like torture
What's wrong with his 11 year old? I don't care whose kid it is he'd be in his room after that, or he'd get a smack. How does the dad feel about you disaplining him? I'm with the others, if your DH isn't open to being a partner I'd probably leave especially if you've tried counseling etc. Why is he involving himself with the ex, or giving her so much axcess into your lives? I never get that especially if the kid is already 11. There shouldn't be that much contact, and just follow the court orders for child exchanges until the kid can drive himself.
If I could go back in time I would never get involved with a guy with kids, or a crazy family. Then again I think that was a lot of the dating pool at that age...so there's that. Or the creeps that want a booty gf without a commitment. Yes it's easy for many of us to give advice, but many of us need that extra income or the DH carries the insurance. It's hard not knowing all the specifics. I could seriously be happy with just a couple of dogs and hobbies. Only downside is my dog can't earn a paycheck! Maybe until you figure out what you want to do you can avoid his kid. Take off when he's there, or go into your room. Get some new hobbies?