What care arrangements do you think is best for the kids?
I'd run a poll if it were possible! I'm just curious what the majority here think. Obviously location plays a big part in care arrangements, so if distance is an issue, I understand parents 'taking what they can get' kinda deal, but for those who live close enough to be able to get kids to and from school ect... what care arrangements do you think is best FOR THE KIDS?
Personally for me, I think 50/50 is best for kids.
I've done everything from FT, EOWE, kids not seeing dad for months at a time when he lived on an island, and I've don't 50/50 for 4 years. (right now I have the my boys FT, my ex has BD FT and we do EOWE with all 3 kids)
For my kids, they were the most stable and content when they were week on week off with both me and their Dad. My ex and I were also high-conflict during 2 years of 50/50, the kids could sense the tension, we also didn't have the same rules and routines, but for whatever reason, (my guess is, that spending equal time with two loving and attentive parents made up for the differences in parenting styles) my kids were still extremely happy and accepting of the 50/50 situation.
I find on other forums, MOST mothers (either single or intact) are absolutely against 50/50, I'm interested to know what kind of opinions 'steps' have...
I agree with this. I also
I agree with this.
I also think it is important for children to have a home. With 50/50 they are either at "mom's" or at "dad's". Not really ideal in my opinion
(my ex and I have 60/40-ish) but what I think would be best is that they lived with me full time, did EOWe with their dad along with two nights a week.
Scratch that.
What I actually wanted us to do was or he kids to remain in our family home, us to each move out and us rotate in and out of the home. That way the kids got the utmost consistency and "home" was home. They wouldn't have to deal with bringing cleats back and forth to mom's or dad's but me And exH would have to deal with that.
We / he ultimately didn't set it up that way because it was not convenient/ was uncomfortable/ was too stressfull.
I realize I couldn't have the life I have now if I'd have agreed to That, but it rould have been easier on the kids.
I think.
I also think both parents
I also think both parents should be required to provide financially for their children. It should not be an option in this society to have a kid and not take financial responsibility. Collecting CS is not taking financial responsibility. And I disagree that CS should be determined by the income difference between BM and dad. Dad shouldn't be handing money over to BM just b/c he earns more than she does. His salary may factor into what he pays for vs. what she pays for, but forget about "evening the playing field".
LOL
Loving this.
As a BM.
My ex WAS paying $250 a week CS PLUS half of all Health, education, ec's and contact travel expenses. That is written in our CO.
At the beginning of this year he told me he was quitting his job and re-training. 3 months max before he would be working again and so he would stop all payments for that 3 month period. He was hoping to earn more and thus be able to pay more (his words) He did still cough up half to send the dd's over to him for his week and a half at Easter.
At 5 months I asked what was going on, we had been struggling to meet all the costs without any contribution from him but it was getting tough. Oh, he was having trouble with his course and all the stuff going on in his life (his mother passed away in June - I sound harsh but my dad passed away last November, I am still doing what needs doing to support my family) Anyway.
Here we are 10 months later. CS has officially been reduced to $60 a month, he is paying this and NOTHING else. He still expects ME to fork out half the travel costs to send them to visit him over the Christmas holidays - $250 minimum.....
It's not just BM's sitting around resting on their GU's who rort the freaking system and don't do anything to support their children while expecting others to step up and do it.
Sorry - sore point today as he is threatening to take me to court if I don't pay up, I've just spent $2000 getting my car fixed (on credit card) and I am reaching breaking point.
yes - the integrity - that's
yes - the integrity - that's what I keep saying to him - it's all very well to say "well the CSA only require me to pay $60 a week - where is your integrity, where is your moral compass that you would think this is ok?"
I am just at my wits end today, financially we have been wearing this all year now and it is breaking us, and I am just really depressed about it.
Sorry
When both parents are equally
When both parents are equally capable of supporting and parenting the kids then 50/50 is the way to go. However, because true equality in support and parenting capability is extremely rare I think the way to go is to filter out the emotion of the situation and award custody to the parent best able to support and parent and some regular visitation to the less capable parent.
For too long the courts have defaulted custody to the emotion of the maternal parent child bond and ignored actual capability to support and parent. Certainly that capability will often reside with the mother but just as often it will be the father and occassionally neither will be capable just occassionally both will be equally capable.
In our case my DW was the CP. That is what tends to happen in single teen mom situations. In our case it was the right thing. The SpermIdiot has always been volutarily intermittently employed and has spawned 4 out of wedlock kids with three different women. He also perpectrated statutory rape on my wife and other 16yo-ish girls. DW was 16 when SS was born. Dickhead was 23. Our son is his eldest and our only.
After having SS at 16 the summer between her Jr. and Sr. years of HS DW completed HS with her class with honors, completed a dual major BS with honors, an MBA with honors and is a CPA. DickHead, he went on to a stellar breeding career and to be a licensed plumger who avoids working full time because he fels it will decrease his CS liability to his 4 out of wedlock spawn.
Our case is an easy one to judge. Most are not. But, best interest of the child must be to default custody to the parent most capable of supporting and parenting the kid and to defaul visitation and a CS obligation to the parent less capable of supporting and parenting the child. Best interest of the child must also isolate any interface between toxic and abusive moron parents and the child.
At least in my dreams that would be the case. But, our family courts are presided over by far too many bottom 10%er morons of the legal profession and the emotion of the situations far to often trumps logic and fact. IMHO it is not always in the best interest of the child to have a relationship with both parents. The courts operate on the flawed premise that it is in the best interest of the child to have a relationship with both parents.
Until we establish intellgent rules and analysis systems to govern the blended family custody/visitation situation we are stuck with the screwed up system that we have.
IMHO of course.
Wow great topic. I've read
Wow great topic.
I've read mixed reviews on 50/50, so I'm not sure its the best for the very young kids, but definitely so for kids that understand they have 2 houses and that their parents don't live together etc..
Because Ive dealt with DH and his CS issues and bull* with BM, I probably think about it all different that some others might as well.
I do agree with others that CS is stupid in 50.50 the parent that makes less, does just that, they make less. Sorry but too bad, you aren't with the spouse anymore, they don't have to support you!
If we ever split, DH would absolutely have to stay in the school district for me to agree to 5050 though, because the more distance, the more complicated things get, and I wouldn't put up with that.
I would be more for the kid having 'their stuff' at both homes and not what is DHs and what is mine, the way that BM and DH act. BM thinks all those clothes are hers but truth is the amount of CS that DH is sending is supposed to be for those clothes!
I think whoever can best
I think whoever can best provide for them and raise them should have them most of the time with visitation going to the other parent. I don't agree with courts awarding majority custody to a BM who refuses to work and then the father ends up sending enormous amounts of CS.
The best plan i ever heard of
The best plan i ever heard of was 50/50 with the PARENTS moving instead of the children. One of my friends had this situation growing up. Mom/Dad owned the house & an apartment & they switched off... Gotta admit it was weird & neither dated while the kids were growing up but i truly believe it was best for the children and that was both BM & BD's priority.