Update... to I am leaving him
Had a day from HELL with SD12 yesterday. 6 STRAIGHT hours of her SCREAMING at me. I got smart and downloaded a voice recorder to my phone. Recorded a lot of the interaction and emailed the attachment to BF at work and to his phone and to her mother. When BF got home he yelled at her for hrs. (also in my email i said I am done have her mom come get her or all of them) Soooooo after he yelled at her he blew off the punishment I had set for her. (sitting at the kitchen table reading with no TV, video games, or talking) and told her to.....GO PLAY OUTSIDE!!!! I went to him and said wait a min, what about her punishment. He says, I yelled at her that is enough. (GRRRR) I said well I wasn't even included in the conversation and still have not been able to tell you all that went on today. He says, I don't care it has been handled. I said (FINALLY) Ok well I do not want her her when you are not home. Your kids are here to visit you not me. I get NO respect from SD12 and 3/4 of the time SD10 is a pain too. Well he LOST it. Said that they are a package deal and if he wants his kids here then they will be here! I said no, not if you are not here. I am done being a babysitter. He said tough shit they are staying. I said fine, Then come the end of sept when I get my next Loan check my kids and I will move. This shocked him, but he still didn't change his mind.
We fought for a few hrs, then we both ended up in tears hugging and agreeing to be civil until I leave and that after that we will still do all we can to be great parents to BD3.
So.... that hurdle is over. I am completely emotionally exhausted. Oh..... and I am STILL stuck with the 3 skids till school starts. I have to suck that up, cause he is paying all the bills.
its a shame these guilty
its a shame these guilty daddies would rather throw away a good relationship all because they don't have the backbone to parent their offspring.
Your mistake was trying to be
Your mistake was trying to be a mother and his was his failure to be a good father.
You are absolutely right that you should not be used as a babysitter. It's too bad it got that far before you learned to dis-associate yourself from parenting them. If for some unGodly reason you decide to stay ask for more details.
But frankly I think you're better off gone and by the way right or wrong in his parenting skills he is right in that the kids come first.
Kasey I am sorry it has come
Kasey I am sorry it has come to this but I think you are 100% doing the right thing. If your BF is stupid enough not to see the truth then he deserves to lose you.
I agree with 97% of the
I agree with 97% of the above!!! Take him up on his offer, and be happy you are getting out now before it continues. There is no excuse for him to use you this way, let him find some other sucker.
Good for you. Sometimes there
Good for you. Sometimes there is no other solution. It sounds like this is the best outcome for all of you. I wish you that one day you will just be left with knowing you have gotten a beautiful child out of this. It will be easier to focus on her and time will heal, I hope, some of these painful wounds. My best to you.
Well done. Your doing the
Well done. Your doing the right thing by yourself, twins and daughter. I'm quite sure you will feel so much happier and stressfree when you go. I'm quite envious. And I'm glad you've told him and he's been amicable with you about it. I think its got to be best all round but doesn't it make you cross that because of the actions of these kids that you have to go
if only things were different eh! I think before we enter these relationships we think we can handle it and "it can't be that hard" but theb bottom line is- it is and you've clearly done everything you can and your a million times stronger than I am to be able to leave and take the high road! Well done you xxxxx
Maybe I am paranoid but I
Maybe I am paranoid but I STRONGLY suggest that you start sending packages of your important items to your parents house right away and let your parents and any friends you have where you are now know what is going on. It is my sincere hope that he will honor the agreement to remain civil for the next weeks until you leave. However, you have thrown a major curveball at him and he is going to have to hustle to get child care, arrange his schedule to accommodate getting them there, pay for child care, find someone to cook, clean, grocery shop - plus he will be having yet another child leave his home after a relationship fails .....you see where I am going with this. Once it hits him what your leaving is going to do to his life, he may have a very different reaction. PLEASE be prepared for this possibility!!!!!
Wow, if it hits him that he
Wow, if it hits him that he will be without a babysitter, and support mechanism towards his kids and that it doesnt really affect him when he is not there. He will no doubt start changing his attitude towards it all. But it will slip back into the old routine if you stay. As obviously his kids rule his priorities. Which really sees you as yes 'babysitter' and does this really show you are his 'partner', 'lover' and priority to him. He needs to spend 8 hours a day for a few weeks with them. Of course the kids wont treat him as they do you. But he will see its not easy and that your job is doubly hard when they are not your bios. Good luck.