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Uncooperative BM

jaz442000's picture

Submitted by jaz442000 on Wed, 04/25/2007 - 5:56pm

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This is my 1st time...so Hi. I am going nuts with our court system and the lack of support that SM's get. My fiance & I share custody with his ex (1st, 3rd & 5th Thursday & every Friday to Monday morning). I quit my job to be a stay at home mom so we could blend our families together (I have 2 children from my 1st marriage). My fiance has told her numerous times to communicate with me when it comes to SD's schedule and she refused to do so, yet she has no problem using us when its going to work out good for her and her schedule. I called her yesterday to discuss my SD's swimming lesson schedule and location so we could go and support her. She refused to answer the call, I called again no answer, I left a message later with her boyfriend and still nothing, finally I texted her and noted that I had left a message with boyfriend to discuss SD's schedule. She blew up at me sent me a text and called. In the text she told me not to call her phone again, she would only communicate with my fiance in regards to HER daughter. I am furious...I am the one taking my SD to church, birthday parties, sports activities, piano, etc. I volunteer at her school and set up play dates for her. Yet I have no rights apparently to discuss SD's schedule. How is this possible!!!

laughterandtears's picture

Submitted by laughterandtears on Wed, 04/25/2007 - 6:29pm

But I did not let that stop me. My DH also has a different schedule than what the courts deem common. The BM also refused to speak with me on matter concerning the SS's, even going as far as telling me to stay out of it altogether and not even answer my own phone in my own house. Okay, no problem, I stopped answering the phone. No one answered it b/c no one else was home during the times she would call back then. One day I answered the phone w/o paying attention and it was her. She immediately started at me and yelled at me to put DH on the phone, I politely told her I oculd not do that as I am supposed to stay out of it, that means I also cannot relay messages, have a wonderful day and then I hung up.
She changed her tune not long after that b/c she realized that if she wanted to discuss the SS's, it would moslty HAVE to be with me.

Sometimes you just have to be a brick wall, but always do it with a smile. Nothing pisses them off more.
IF IT WAS EASY, EVERYONE WOULD DO IT.

Chocoholic's picture

Submitted by Chocoholic on Wed, 04/25/2007 - 6:35pm

You can't force this woman to talk to you.... same as you can't force this woman to stop acting like a petty brat and think of her kids best interests.
I know for myself, I would never contact my SKs mom.... been there, tried that.... and now I want nothing to do with her.
Have your fiance deal with her.... but if you do have to contact her in the case of an emergency, try to contact her in a way that there is verifiable proof that you attempted contact (such as e-mail). Better yet, (with your fiance's approval of course) can you set up an e-mail account in your fiance's name so that you can work the scheduling issues out with the her and all the while she thinks she is talking to your fiance' (which makes her happy I'm sure)....
Sometimes you have to outsmart these ones!!