Tired of feeling upset
The relationship with BM has always been terrible. I went through YEARS of trying the "kill them with kindness" method, only to be terribly dissappointed over and over again. After a million texts and phone calls that were completely unnnessecary and intented only to ruin our days, I put my foot down and DH agreed, we will only communicate with BM via email, in an attempt to have less constant disruptions in our days. She would text non-sense (nothing to do with the kids, or completely made up emergencies) for one of two reasons: 1) because she wanted to speak with my husband 2) because she was mad about something and wanted to try to ruin our days. For the most part, #2 always worked. I know that we are the only ones who can control how we feel, but it got to the point where anytime I would hear my husbands phone ding, I would feel stick to my stomach.
Now, she's emailing. All of the time. Still equally as insane as before with the same intentions. The kids are plenty old enough to communicate for themselves, but she won't allow it because she wants to keep the interaction with my husband.
He does a good job of only responding when nessecary, but I just feel like I want to cry. This is never going to end. This psycho has constant access to my husband and tugs on his heartstrings (pretending the kids are sick when they aren't, just so he has to respond.) She removes me from any communication, even though I'm the one that gets them to where they need to be.
I don't know how or even if I should say something to my husband. I feel like a broken record and I don't have a solution. I just feel so helpless.
How old are the kids?
How old are the kids?
Why look at the emails ?
You are letting BM control your life. She is winning. Only look at BM E mails at 9 pm if you want
"He does a good job of only
"He does a good job of only responding when nessecary"
If BM is crying wolf a lot, maybe DH should ignore anything not involving imminent death.
Agree with the others - he
Agree with the others - he needs to look at his emails infrequently, not even every day. She wants his attention and she's getting it. In general, they shouldn't need to talk at all when the kids are at the other's house, or at least infrequently. He doesn't "have to" respond because a kid is sick. He doesn't have to respond to anything that isn't a question that needs an immediate answer.
He is the key to stopping this issue. Ignoring really does work, though things will get worse before they get better.
Quit giving her space in your
Quit giving her space in your head. Stop the email and sign up for OFW and use that exclusively. Have your lawyer petition the court to make OFW a court ordered requirement for BM to communicate with your DH. That puts her bullshit under the hairy eyeball of the courts and that may just get her to extricate her head from her own ass.
Hopefully.
Ignore ignore ignore
As someone who also has an "attention-seeking" BM, I reiterate the comments above about it rowing.
When I met DH, BM was calling him multiple times a day, not to talk about the kids, to talk about herself or to use DH as an emotional punching bag because something was going bad in her life. She was already remarried at that point, so theoretically, not single and lonely.
Then - after I pointed out to him that he wasn't required to take her abusive phone calls - he stopped answering the phone. This made her more angry and mean (as if that strategy would ever work to make someone want to talk to you). At a mediation four years ago, DH successfully got it added to their agreement that they only speak on the phone during an emergency. All other correspondence must be by text or email. BM agreed and then railed against it, accusing DH of committing child neglect if he didn't take her calls and on and on and on.
Then she moved to texting. Some days she would text for *hours*, usually to ask DH "why do you hate me?!" Or accuse him of hating her. She rarely reached out about anything related to the children and rarely shared any useful information with him. She then told the children, "your dad doesn't reply to my texts!" Leading them to ask, "why don't you text mom back?!" at every visit. DH would text her back if an answer was required, but if she asked the same question five times, she only got an answer one time.
Last year, at another mediation, they moved to Our Family Wizard. BM uses that to send extended messages to DH telling him what a terrible father she is and how she has to use the children to communicate with him because he refuses to respond. She regularly accuses him of violating their agreement if he doesn't respond immediately and tells him that she will have no choice but to use other means of communication if he doesn't respond. The thing is, their agreement does not require DH to respond at all. It says that in the instance where a decision is required, the parent receiving the email has 72 hours to respond. If they don't respond, the parent sending the email can do whatever they choose. So, really, BM is just cage-rattling to get attention. She makes everything about herself and she still sends crazy, insulting emails even through OFW.
DH, at my urging, has adopted the BIFF method in most cases, although sometimes he is not overly friendly. It doesn't make her go away, but it does make it easier on us to know we can ignore most of her messages.