Well the weekend is here!

Andddd that means my future DW and stepson are on their way home. She works an hour away and comes home on the weekends for the next two months. Anywho....

I'm super excited to see her, and thinking of how much I've missed her and I'm looking forward to spending time with her but when I think of her child thats coming with her...that excitement dies down some. That makes me a bad person, right? He's 3 and most of the very annoying. I guess that's what 3 years old are supposed to be.

I just spent some time cleaning and organizing getting the house ready for them to come and I ran across some pictures of her ultra sound... I just felt so "out of place" and it made me feel a little down. I mean, I've expressed that I do love him and that I do wish that I could've been first but I don't know. I've only started this thread with assistance in thinking my thoughts through or trying to find a positive way to look at things. I just feel like an outsider I guess.... I didnt have anything to do with his creation but yet he's in my space. I have to tolerate communication with her ex because of this reason and sometimes it just irritates me. I know it's a lot of insecurity surrounding it and I heard that if worked through it can change in time. But i just want to feel unity....and maybe I never will because he isn't my child. I love his mother very much and I have chosen to be with her for the rest of my life, I dont doubt nor regret that... i guess this particular aspect of her past is very hard to deal with. I'm a woman....I can't compare to man. Well anyways this is probably running all together now so i'll just end it here. Have a great weekend, guys.