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Is there ANYTHING I can say to prevent this Disaster???! Need help please

Bettysmith00's picture

First SS13 is the most disrespectful spoiled brat ever. I can't stand being around him. Now SS13 has "Decided" he wants to go full remote learning for the rest of the school year. The school allows this due to Covid. Now up till now SS13 only came over during the week in the evenings after school and only for two evenings. Well DH decided since SS13 is learning from home and DH is working from home SS13 can stay with us two days a week and do his online learning from our house. Holy mother [email protected]! I flipped out. Why because one of those days is my day off from work. And SS13 will no way want to come over in the AM but will want to come over the night before so basically we will go from having SS13 two evenings a week to four evenings a week and two full days! 
 

Now DH did not take lightly when I told him I was not happy he decided this without me and now pissed off. Now I will NOT have to help SS13 but that's not the issue. The issue is SS13 is this disrespectful spoiled brat. I will have to tip toe around the house because SS13 will refuse to attend class in his room and want to be up DH ass in the main part of the house and need me to be quiet. I will basically be a Prisoner in my room or face SS13 disrespectful behavior. 
 

Is there ANYTHING I can do to make this situation better? Anything I can do to change DH mind?

ndc's picture

Well, if your husband is the type to just decide without consulting you that his kid will be coming over for extra days, I doubt there's much you can do to change his mind.  What you might try, though, is telling him that you'd like to be able to vacuum, watch TV, sing, dance and otherwise do whatever you wanted and make as much noise as you pleased in the common area of the home on your day off, and ask him if he could change the day SS came over for his remote schooling to one when you're not off from work.  Let him know right up front that you're NOT going to be quiet or tiptoe through your own home to accommodate SS, and that you expect that SS will be doing his work in his own room so that you never need to worry about whether you're disturbing him.  Also let him know that you will not tolerate SS being disrespectful to you, and you will be pointing it out to him every time it happens and will expect him to deal with it.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

I vote for walking around the house naked, leaving adult "toys" out in plain sight, asking your H if he's giving up sex, and how he plans to explain to his son the sounds coming from your bedroom as you take care of your own business.

And I'm only joking a little. You need to make your H more afraid of ticking you off than of angering BM or SS. He's made a unilateral decision, and you need to teach him that was a HUUGE mistake. 

Kes's picture

SS13 does not have the option to "refuse" to do his online classes in his room.  It is your house, you can insist he does so.  There is no way you should have to tiptoe around your own house or stay in your room. 

Bettysmith00's picture

Meltdown if he can't be in the same room as daddy. It's quite repulsive. Not sure if SS13 is just super controlling/needy  or afraid he's going to miss something. DH will not have the balls to tell the brat to get up in his room. I already can here DH Excuse. DH will say he needs to watch SS13 to make sure he's doing his classes or if SS13 needs help. Total BS but that's what DH will say

ESMOD's picture

This may not be totally obvious.. but DH could spend the day in SS room!  That is the compromise.. you get the run of the house... they stay in SS room.. if SS won't stay in without DH.. DH>.... can spend the day in there with him.

Rags's picture

IMHO avoiding the melt down is counter productive.  Set the rules, enforce the rules, and when the SKid goes into meltdown march him to his room by an ear and leave him there until he knocks his shit off and does his homework.

Lather, rinse, repeat any time he pulls the manipulative baby behavioral shit. THis kid is not a baby. He is 13.  He should have zero choice but to behave as a 13yo should behave.

He learns that if he melts down he is isolated and separated from daddy and everyone else and does not participate in any family activities. If he behaves, he participates.  The same applies to his homework.  He does it or... he remains isolated and his interface with daddy or anyone else is decreased.

Behavioral choice is followed by appropriate reward or consequence.

Keep it simple.

tog redux's picture

I could not stand being married to a man who didn't care about my needs and feelings.

relationshipguru's picture

Once people start getting the vaccine and the numbers go down remote learning will no longer be an option thankfully. The scary thing is a lot of people will refuse the vaccine when offered!

Rags's picture

IMHO, no vaccine, the kid does not attend school with the children of responsible parents.

You know... science over stupidity.  Quality adult parenting over infantile self delusional moronic bullshit.

To me, it is simple.

1st3rd5thWEInHell's picture

Get ready to spend lots of time in your room or out of the house. Your partner already decided and you dont matter in these decisions, only SS and BMs convenience matters.

I have been there, done that....it will be a long hibernation while they enjoy their time together lol

 

frostedminiwheats's picture

That is tough. My husband also always gets angry and super defensive when I confront him about changes in SD's visitation schedule that I was not allowed a say in. His argument of course is, "I should be able to have my daughter over whenever I want." So I started giving him the cold shoulder, which he absolutely cannot stand so he's been getting better at taking into account my preferences. But who knows - maybe one day he just won't care anymore how I react. But I still stick to the fact that it's your house too and you should get a say in who comes and goes, especially if it's someone who is disrespectful towards you. Your SS's bad behavior is mostly because DH is allowing it - that is on him.