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SS8 is the king of the house and I am very resentful

Mariana79's picture

SS8 has been staying with us for the summer. It so happens that I am 9 weeks pregnant, very sick and feeling very lonely. We currently live in a one bedroom, one bathroom apartment and SS8 lives in the living room, which makes this place incredibly crowded. Oh, did I mention that we are about to move across the country in a few days?

Needless to say, we are under a lot of stress (at least I am). What I can't stand is how manipulative and needy SS8 has been since we told him I am expecting and how it doesn't seem to bother my husband. SS8 does not let me hug my husband, or get near him. He will literally hug his dad first if I am getting close and say, "dada!"

You would think my husband would have noticed this drastic change of behavior (SS8 used to be standofish and mean to DH), but no. My husband does not even notice. He goes with the flow. Whenever we are having a conversation that lasts for more than 5 minutes, SS8 will interrupt with something stupid he has to say and my husband allows it and reinforces it by stopping everything and hear what the kid has to say or show (usually a new level of his stupid DS games). He never tells the kid to shut up. He also never stops SS8 from keeping us from getting physically close (he even seats between us, or like a scarf around his dad's neck when we are on the couch).

It's fourth of July weekend and I am finally feeling well enough to leave the house and want to go to a barbecue by my friend's lake house. DH says he already made plans to go to a two year old party because SS8 wants to go. My car has been shipped across the country already so I am stuck.

I am SO angry and SO resentful. I wish I could enjoy my pregnancy. I wish I could enjoy the summer. Sometimes I really doubt that this relationship will survive because of SS8.

oneoffour's picture

Offer to drop off your DH and SS and take the car yourself.

What I did with my DH when he would drop everything for his sons was to walk away. I would leave the room and read a book. He would come after me and say "What? What is wrong NOW?" I would ignore the sarcasim and say "We were talking and SSs interrupted with something you found a lot more important than our conversation. So I left you to it."

I am sorry this is all happening right now. You feel so crappy and alone as your omenchild takes over. Just let your DH 'enjoy' all the time he can with his son. Let him spend ALL FREAKING DAY with the boy. I bet in a few days he will be DYING for your cmpany. And THIS is when you lay down the rules. No child ever interrupts an adult conversation without and 'excuse me...". The only exception si fire, blood spurting, broken prtuding bones or someone is a dusky blue colour from lack of breathing. I suppose lying at the bottom of a pool is OK to interrupt with as well.

My DH found out pretty early on that I come first. Always and forever. Your DH needs to remember who will be choosing his hospice in due course.

cnd62107's picture

my SD7 does that too...interrupting, trying to get in the middle when we get close, and when she was small enough to fit in our full size bed with us, she would always try to sleep in the middle. (by the way the sleeping in bed with us was totally a product of BM and something DH and she fought about constantly in their marriage until BM started sleeping in SD's bed with her near the end and leaving my DH alone...NOT something i supported at all, and finally i put a stop to it myself).

lucky for me DH is a man who can't live without his affection and he doesn't let SD pull the crap with getting between us. we're still working on the interruptions...next time it happens i'm going to be sure to talk to him about it in private. i hope you do the same and DH takes you seriously and puts your feelings and needs as a priority. good luck!

Mariana79's picture

Thanks, Echo. You are absolutely right and I did my first speaking up today. We had guests and SS was interrupting and being a complete TURD all day long. Not one second went by without him doing something to irritate his dad and the guests while we were all trying to have a conversation.
It got to the point that people were looking at DH waiting for him to do something, and nothing... SS punched DH really hard in the stomach and nothing. Then SS punched another men on the stomach and that's when I went off. I told him to stop because he was being disrespectful and rude. He did stop.
At the end of the party, he was still acting up and as people left, you can tell everyone was annoyed.
That's when I went off. I told him everything I think he did wrong, that that was not appropriate behavior for any child of any age. I also did some yelling at DH, that he needed to man up and stand up for himself, if not, at least so he doesn't look like a complete wuss in front of other people.
Finally I just left the room. Of course SS8 is now crying but I don't care. I think he needs to cry and he needs some type of punishing too. DH is talking with him. I am losing respect for DH.

SDJennyG's picture

I feel you! My boyfriend's son is similar: Interrupting conversations, physically creating barriers between my boyfriend and me, and my boyfriend reinforces these behaviors by complying with his son's every demand. Very frustrating to have your world dictated by an eight year old! Needless to say, these two examples of co-dependency seep into all other parts of life...