SS11 Still Sleeping w/ Mommy
So my SS11 still sleeps with BM when he is at her house. I know the first rule of step life is you can't control what goes on in the other house.
That said, it seems to be a totally unhealthy practice. I have had to treat him for scabies that he caught from her dirty sheets and Tinder hookups. He seems embarrasssed about the fact he still sleeps with her and says they're 'working on it.' He has never tried to sleep in my DH's bed.
Also, there seems to be some enmeshment and PAS going on. My husband emailed her yesterday and she said they are continuing to work on it, and will continue to. He also said that this maybe something the parenting coordinator (court appointed, btw) could help them agree on, and he would like to make an appointment with her to talk about how it could be affecting SS. She said that is not what the coordinator is there for (even though she is a psychologist with a doctorate), but go ahead and talk to her if he wants to.
Should he talk to the coordinator about it?
Good god, yes, EW. "Working
Good god, yes, EW. "Working on it?" How hard is it to tell the kid to sleep in his own bed? This is almost incestuous. I (DH) might even call CPS for the scabies from her dirty bed. EW.
It does seem very incestuous
It does seem very incestuous to us, too. And when you combine it with the texts they exchange to each other that are almost like love notes, it just seems off. They are always (talking daily here) telling each other how perfect and wonderful and amazing and beautiful the other is. How there is no one else like the other. It goes on and on and seems beyond enmeshed.
As far as 'working on it,' I have said the same thing. Just go to your bed!!
DH might want to call CPS and
DH might want to call CPS and run it by them. A parent sleeping with an opposite sex child who is on the verge of puberty does not look good.
Weird. He has no problem
Weird. He has no problem sleeping in his own bed when at your house but they are working on him not sleeping with her? Can he not sleep unless he is in her bed?
We haven’t been offered any
We haven’t been offered any sort of explanation about why he is in her bed. He sleeps like a log in his own bed at our home.
FormerSS13 was sleeping with
FormerSS13 was sleeping with his dad (my formerSO) when he was 11 AND had to have all the lights on. Plenty of excuses were made; including it was BM's fault. He also slept with BM when he visited her (not often). I immediately put a stop to that when I moved in. FormerSO actually tried to have me let him in our bed a couple times because he was scared and whining about it. WHAT? HELL NO!
Even at 13 he still had to have all the lights on - I'm talking the overhead, 2 lamps, bathroom light and even the closet light on in order to sleep because he was scared. I thought it was abnormal, but formerSO didn't see a problem.
I think there are a lot of parents that try to "keep their children young" for as long as they can. They think they are doing good by their children, but really they are crippling them.
Yes you should immediately
Yes you should immediately notify the child coordinator.
Wait until ss is 15, 16 and still sleeping in moms bed...
Your ss at age 11 is pubescent. That is all I will say about that.
Now...expect some push back IF Parent Cor. knows bm..'awww, he LOVES his mom"..isnt that cute? IF that is the response your given...take it higher..
School guidance counselor...'Please keep an eye on ss11, does he seem ok to you at school. Let counselor know your concerns..would you ask ss11 in for a few visits with you to see if he will talk about 'it'...
Also, Mental health is your ally;
what I would do is talk to a therapist who will tell you BM is acting inappropriately. Taking this one step further, its' fairly easy to assume IF a bio father was sleeping with his 11 year old daughter all hell would break loose, heads would spin and dad would be on supervised visits in a professional setting until he was cleared of any wrong doing. His reputation would be ruined.
Goodluck
Allll of this! That was one
Allll of this! That was one of the first things I said to him was, how would this be seen if you were sleeping with your 11 year old daughter?
That is sick
Far, far too old to be sleeping with his mother at that age. Seriously creepy and concerning especially as others have said he has or is just about to hit puberty.
Last year when SD and SS moved in with us (aged 16 and 17) I noticed that when one of them was showering the other one would go in to the bathroom at the same time to use the toilet/brush teeth or whatever. I thought that was sick and told them it was stopping immediately.
Most siblings are not comfortable with their teenage brother or sister seeing their developing body. I could hear them laughing and joking and it was almost flirty.
Acceptable boundaries need firmly established in this scenario too. Yuk.