Hi all,

I am pretty much new here - turns out I signed up years back but don't think I ever posted.

Anyway. I just wanted somewhere to rant really.

I have always been in my SS's life. He's almost 6 and his dad and I were together before he was born. That in itself has always put pressure on the situation because everyone automatically assumes that something naughty was going on and my husband was cheating on his ex with me, but in fact she got pregnant, left him and we ended up together. Their relationship was very bad before DH ever even met and he had been wanting to leave when she found out she was pregnant but when he found out he stuck by her and tried to do the right thing, then she left. There is and always has been a lot of animosity between her and us/him because DH has always been convinced that she tricked him into getting her pregnant, but that's all complicated and a whole other story.

Anyway. Fast forward 6 years.

My SS is a lovely kid and for the most part he loves me and I love him and he treats me with respect. We've had a few bumps in the road which have caused tension because DH just wanted to ignore it (like SS following me around the hosue telling me every 3 seconds that I'm naughty) but it got ironed out eventually once I stood up for myself a bit. But sometimes I just can't help with hating the whole situation and wish that i had run a mile when I found out that my new friend had a kid on the way and had packed up my bags and gone home. I feel like I've given up so much for SS's sake, and to the detriment of my own happiness. I am Aussie and I live here purely because of SS. DH and I lived in Australia for a couple of years but in the end I said we were coming back because I couldn't handle DH's depression and massive mood swings about being away from his son (fair enough, I would hate to be away from my daughter). In that 2 years my DD, who is almost 2, was born and we moved back to the UK when she was 14 weeks old. I miss my home and family terribly and we can't afford to visit them much (never been back apart from when we lived there even though DH managed to find the money to come back and visit SS when we were over there) and I can't help but resent it a bit.

Sometimes i feel left out too - like it's 'them' and me - DD, SS and DH and I'm on the sidelines. It's lonely! I feel a bit petty feeling that way but at the same time I can't shake it. And I end up getting upset when plans get changed to fit around SS. I think this is partly because BM demands it and DH doesn't really stand up to her. it has taken him 6 years to get parental responsibility (which she still hasn't signed yet but we've gone through a solicitor because she refused it) because he didn't want to rock the boat. This coming weekend we unexpectedly have SS and I'm stonking mad about it even though I know I shouldn't be. We had planned to go to a Christmas festival and now can't go because instead we have to take DS to his school Christmas festival (when I say we I actually mean DH and DD with SS because I'm not invited it seems) so while they go off and have a lovely time I will be sitting home alone, stewing over the fact I'm alone.

Anyway... sometimes I just wish I'd run a mile. Sorry for the essay!