This is so NOT fair
I haven't posted in a while, just lurked. I've sort of turned into a zombie just marching along through this punishment, oh I mean my life.
Roughly six weeks ago my husband and his ex had a judge order them to have 50/50 shared parenting time with the kids. He had been paying $800 a month in CS prior to this. Him and his ex make within a few thousand dollars a year of each other so obviously we expected the CS order to change and our attorney requested this. It is taking forever and nothing has changed yet. His two giant, fat kids are here half of the time leaching off of our resources while that theif mother of theirs is getting $800 a month still. We can't afford to feed them, cloth them, pay for everything they need and such and support my children. This is so unfair. I am so bitter that I cant' stand the sight of his kids. They are here, and all I can think about is how they are taking from my kids so they can benefit at their moms. My DH doesn't understand my feelings at all. He thinks because it is out of our control that I should just get over it and smile. If I hear "It's not their fault" one more time I swear to God I will actually scream my head off. It is taking forever, and these kids aren't cheap. I can't even stand them being here as it is, and this makes it that much worse.
The other part is their idiot mother and grandmother (she lives with them) smoke like a couple of chimneys around them, and they come over and stink to high heaven. I hate it. My kids complain about it. It is so strong that it smells up entire rooms here. It is court ordered in the parenting plan that they can't smoke around the kids, but they do it anyway. The only thing we can do is haul her off to court again and spend more money on attorney fees. For a first offense she'll get a warning. The second time, she would possibly get a few days in jail. This would be of course after retaining an expensive attorney again. I don't honestly care enough about them, but I care about my house and my things getting stunk up.
Thank the Lord I have this place to vent and not have to feel like an awful person.
If the smoking doesn't stop,
If the smoking doesn't stop, I would make them take off their clothes in the garage and they have to wash them and take showers immediately. Fair is fair....Maybe if they complain to BM about what they have to do due to the smoke, she may take the hint and smoke outside.
Our BM is a money grubber,
Our BM is a money grubber, too. She gets about $1600 a month CS for three nearly grown kids (SD17, SD15, SS12) that live with us half the time, and we pay for all of their "extras" on top of that.
Still, it's not enough, and she was just texting my husband last night demanding that he buy SS12 new soccer cleats for the upcoming season.
What this woman does with her CS is anybody's guess, but I guess it's one of the factors that allow her to work only about 20 hours per week, while I usually work about 50 and my husband has a second job two nights a week.
Sorry I don't have any words of wisdom, but I feel for you, let me tell you that.
They have. Grandma refuses
They have. Grandma refuses to listen. It is still mom's responsibility to make sure the rules are followed and if grandma can't follow them, well then she needs to find a new place to live!
I haven't been in your
I haven't been in your situation before, but I've been through something similar. My DH pays a hefty amount of CS for SD15 and her BM makes just as much money as our household does (she gets a $3,000.00 SS check for her other Daughter every MONTH alone and barely spends a dime on those kids). Yet, BM's house is bought & paid for along with her car etc. We have a large mortage payment and higher bills YET we are held responsible for and expected to do extra for SD15 as well because BM is totally irresponsible. Now SD19 lives with us and we're about to put her through college and I haven't even had my own kid yet.....and beginning to think I can't afford to have one in this situation.
I'm so sorry you're going through this as I feel your pain and can only imagine how you feel as a BM with your Bio kids. It isn't fair, not at all and it's unfortunate you have to deal with this. *hugs*
sorry to hijack, but Jillian,
sorry to hijack, but Jillian, why are you paying for your grown sd's college when your family isn't even started yet? why is this grown woman living in your home, taking over your role? did you get married to help support your dh's kids, or did you get married to build a future with your dh? i think you have some very fundamental questions about the direction your life is going. are you going to allow it to continue in this direction?
I think that instead of
I think that instead of taking her to court on this, go to cvs, buy some shower gels and shampoos for kids/teens, and have them hop in the shower when they come over. They can change into clothes they have at your house and their smelly ones can air out outside. It's a lot cheaper than going to court.
I am not sure this is a fight worth fighting. What people do in their own home is their choice and business and nobody else's. Even if it's smoking. Many of us (including me) grew up with smoking parents and lived to tell the tale. Nobody would dare tell anyone they couldn't smoke in their own home or around their own kids.
I am not saying this to be mean or make you scream. I don't think you're an awful person It genuinely is not their fault about the cs. Everyone has their breaking point though. All I can suggest is keep coming here to vent so hopefully you can come to a place where you don't feel resentment, and there won't be any resentment for dh and skids to pick up on. Because I can guarantee that they (especially the kids) pick up on it, no matter how you nicely act towards them.
I know how you feel.......you
I know how you feel.......you and yours going without so that some fat hog can sit on her ass and collect your man's money every month! I also heard "it's not their fault" alot. I, too, was supposed to be a good sport. :sick: I so badly wanted to say, "no dh it's not their fault, it's yours.....you fvcked that nasty b!tch BM and now MY life sucks!"
((((( hugs )))))
It does eventually get better. My DH has been done with giving his ex wife money for 3 years and it is AWESOME! Now we can buy stuff for OUR kids.
The OP's kids are not here
The OP's kids are not here husband's children. The amount of CS he pays should have zero impact on her being able to provide for her kids.
God please don't humiliate
God please don't humiliate and punish the kids because they live with smokers, I agree with the shower and change find a way to make it about getting comfey clothes on to enjoy the evening or something. My SM used to hose us down head to toe with air freshener cause our mom smoked telling us how we stunk and reaked and how gross we smelled it was humiliating. But he's right the kids didn't u do this he and BM and the courts did so instead of you and your kids going without seperate your finances.
Omg! I would explain to them
Omg! I would explain to them how the smokey clothes make you feel and have them change right away. I know how you feel my husbands BM puts his 6 year old in the dirtiest sox, jacket and oldest ugly clothes possible. I can't tell if she does it so we will send her home in nice clothes or if she really does not care??? You would think if you had only one daughter that you would want her to look cute. I bring clothes with me if I have to pick her up and I have her change right away, so I can wash her clothes and send her home in them! And I don't like people thinking she's my daughter and I would ever let me know kid look like a complete train wreck.
Feel your pain!
Did you go after custody just
Did you go after custody just to reduce child support? Why have custody if you cannot afford the kids? And they are NOT "taking away" from your children. They existed before you came along as did that financial obligation.
BTW, I'm writing that as a SM whose XH paid CS when NCP, then got full time custody and STILL PAID CS to BM. She saw SD *maybe* 36 hours a month, and WE PAID HER.
Plus the plane tickets.
You don't complain about the
You don't complain about the kids except apparently they eat a lot and smell.
For a small fee you can have Daddy's attorney write a letter to her threatening contempt of court charges if the smoking continues. It doesn't matter who's doing it.
Make sure Daddy does the grocery shopping so he knows and shower them as suggested. Have Daddy build a shower in the corner of the garage so they can go directly there.