Have you actually sought legal counsel?  Are your stepkids you mention adults or minors living in the home.. (or if adults.. are they in the home also?)

I hope that the authorities were involved in the SA situation with the skids... and the reality is that your husband's behavior sounds abusive if he is throwing things at his children.

Do you think he really wants any custody? or do you think he would do it to be mean.. or to avoid paying CS.

I wonder if he was approached with the possibility of his son's and his own behavior issues seeing the bright light of day that he might be willing to agree to more limited visitation with your daughter?

Or..   if it comes down to it.. would you be willing to forego getting support from him if it meant he didn't exercise any visitation?  

You are in a tough spot.. and you need to get a lawyer.. and a very good one.. it will not be pretty.. but it seems like staying in this relationship for another 14 years is not going to be a great option and in the end... you may need to pay now to get out of a bad decision.

of the time is not you harming your DD. It is far better to keep his time and influence to 50% rather than the 100% that both you and the DD are suffering now.

Distance is a benefit. A CO is a benefit and tool for managing the situation.  If his kids are near adult age, odds are he will not want a ton of time with a young child and may just remain mostly in the background.

That is how it worked with my SS's Spermidiot.  Our cross to bear was SpermGrandHag. DW had full physical legal from birth.  She filed for paternity and CS a couple of months before her son turned 1yo.  The Judge ruled on paternity, confirmed full physical and legal custody for my wife, and ordered a pittance in CS.

A couple of months later she moved out of State for college.  That is where we met. When the small town grapevine informed SpermGrandHag that she was seeing someone, the Hag forged her idiot son's signature and initiated a custody suit.  My then not yet bride's first response was to get a lawyer of her own and highlight the fraudulent custody suit and forgery on the filing documents.  In typical small town bullshit, rather than having her ass arrested, the Judge allowed them to re-file new paperwork under the Spermidiot's actual signature.

9mos after she had gotten the notification of the custody attempt by the SpermClan we were in court.  The Judge reconfirmed full physical and legal custody for my wife (we married 5days prior to the hearing), raised CS from $110/mo to $133/mo, and ordered 7wks/yr of long distance visitation.   One day after the hearing our son turned 2yo.

The Spermidiot took almost none of his visitation over the 16 years we lived under that CO.  Though the SpermGrandHag did.  As detestable as the Hag is, SS spending time with her was far better than him being exposed to his serial statutory rapist POS sperm source.

Play the long game, do not be kind to your STBX and do not let emotion get in the way of protecting your child. No child should have to be forced to spend more time than necessary with a substandard adult.  That is never in the best interests of the child even with the delusions of the family law court system.

IMHO of course.

Play to win, play to protect the best interests of your little one and of yourself.

Don't forget to take care of  you.  You cannot take care of your LO if you do not care for yourself.

Our son will turn 33 fairly shortly.  6 days before that my bride and I will celebrate our 31itt wedding anniversary.   Since that court date approaching 31 years ago our son has proven himself to be a man of honor, character, and standing in his life, profession, and community.  As a juxtaposition, he has three younger also out of wedlock Spermidiot spawned half sibs by two other baby mamas that include one who is on the dole, one who is in prison on a long sentence for felony armed burglary, and one who is not far behind the inmate.

We never intended to, attempted, or prevented our son from having a relationship with his BioDad.  The Spermidiot rarely if ever engaged. There were multiple periods of a year or more where they refused all visitation and several more periods of a year or more where SpermGrandHag took the visitation and our son never saw his BioDad.  When it became apparent that the Spermidiot was not engaging in his visitation and dumping the kid on his Hag of a mother or even the baby's GGPs, we attempted to get the CO updated requiring him to be present for all of his COd visitation. Nope, the Judge ruled that what the Spermidiot did with his visitation was up to him and if he wanted to give it to his Hag of a mother, etc, so be it.

Take care of your DD.  Take care of yourself.

OP if you are in danger, if your child is in danger physically or mentally, do not pass go, get OUT.

Finding a good lawyer can be difficult.  It was for difficult to find a qualified one for my problems recently so I know.  You need to find one that has YOUR interest at heart and not one that wants to settle easily so the case is over and he can move on.

A woman's shelter in your area may be a contact.  They would know which lawyers are worth their salt and which ones are not for situations such as yours.

Like others have said, find a good lawyer--one who gets your situation and who is a champion of children. On local Facebook pages, I have seen people post anonymously asking for info on finding a pit bull attorney. The responses came from people with firsthand experience and appeared to be extremely helpful. 
Do you live in a state where recording another person without their knowledge is legal? 
You think your husband will only want 50-50,to save money? Maybe, through your attorney, you can negotiate with him.

Best of luck to you in what sounds like a very difficult situation. Keep us posted. 

My ex husband fought like crazy for custody he really did not want.  At that time I did not have a job, basically was a mess from the long divorce etc.  Looking at the situation HE had the stable income, he could give her more etc. and I wanted liberal visitation so I said OKAY, you can have custody and I will take visitation.

Boy did he change his tune fast.  He did not want a 6 year old girl to muck up his new love life.  For years it was always touch and go to see if he would show for every other weekend visitation.  I clearly recall her waiting outside on a summer day, by the car.  Her friend came over and wanted to play but she proudly responded she was waiting for Her Dad to pick her up.   Forty-five minutes latter he did not show, no call, nadda.  When I called her in for lunch she was very angry - AT ME!   For some reason she was blaming me for his not showing.  I had nothing to do with it, never talked to him or about him.

Same when she needed braces.  The court had ordered, during divorce proceedings that he was responsible and he had the insurance.  I took her to local dentist and he started process but stopped when bills not paid or insurance not submitted.  I paid the amount and took X to court to get it straightened out.  The AH judge REFUSED me relief for the recoup of the dental $$ as "I had already paid it".  He also refused to enforce the court order about X having to pay for the braces, etc.  Strange?  Yep, but my X was a big shot in a pharma co. in the county - you get the drift.

How I got the braces for my daugahter was to have My Mom call his Sister and tell her about the court order and that I had tried to get the  braces done but HER brother refused to pay or submit the insurance.  That worked, but the thing there was that I had to take her to a certain dentist near him that was about 2 hours from where I lived then.  You can see what he was trying to do because I worked and couldn't keep taking off.  Luckily my parents were retired and they drove her up there for the apts and I paid them for their gas.

He was a real piece of work.  He would take his honey and her kids to Disney World and sent my daughter a postcard about how much fun they were having, etc. while not letting her know he wasn't going to show up for visitation.

Sad thing?  Here some 40 years later she sees him as great and me as abusive towards her, which is not true.  That started after she was in a school play.   Told me she was going to be late, but when it got to about 10:30 and I hadn't heard from her I got concernd.  Called her friend and was told that last they saw her was still at the school with the Music Teacher.  Drove by school, a few cars out there but I could not get in.  So I went home and called police department.  They were very nice, told me that they couldl contact the janitor and would have someone check it out.

Well, by this time it is midnight, I get a call back from Police saying yes, she is there and I would be getting a call from her to come pict her up.  The janitor found them in the music room.  That never happened.   I can't say or prove what I think, but I can say that a squad car dropped her off and watched her come into the house plus waited a few minutes (probably to see if she would back out).

Oh was she hot and not talking to me.  Next day she comes home and is screaming at me that I got her music teacher in trouble, yadda, yadda, yadda.  I told her, no, I did not get him in trouble, he got himself in trouble by having you there so late on a school nite, alone.  I talked to school, but couldn't say if anything had happened other that her being there unchaperoned with an adult male teacher so late.

What did happen is that about 3 weeks later my daughter came home yelling at me again because the Music Teacher had informed her that he was just notifoied that his teaching contract was not going to be renewed.  Daughter was a junior at that time.

IMHO, I believe there must have been a lot more going on about this teacher than I was told and maybe there where even other such problems.   The guy had been at the school some 6 years, and was single.

After that she totally changed against me.  I was the BAD GUY.   Interestingly when she went to college, I was the one that still supported her, clothes, medical, etc. as chld support ended when she graduated from high school.  I got her her first car (it was mine) and she was pizzed because it was a stick shift and only had an AM radio, but that was all I could afford when I first bought it.  She was also pizzed that she had to live in the dorm at college and I would not pop for her to get an apartment.  Note folks, her Father never popped for that either.

Some 40 years later she is still angry with me.  I've given up.  Her loss.  I know that someday she is going to regret her actions towards me and will require a lot of therapy to face what she did.

Today she accuses me of things that never happened.  

...I truly feel for you. I have been in your shoes. This reminds me of when my kids were very young and I wanted out. I booked a consultation with the biggest shark, she had quite the reputation. I left her office in despair after she told me that I would lose my kids because their dad was their primary caregiver (I worked full time and he didn't, other than a 'hobby' job that was seasonal. Any money he earned did not go to the family, it went in his pocket. I paid for EVERYTHING!) and would get custody while I would pay child support and alimony. I argued that I only worked 3 days a week and I cared for them on my days off, plus taught at their Sunday school and volunteered at their pre-school (and later in the school system). She told me it didn't matter, because he was the stay at home parent. (I still do not understand that to this day. He was abusive, didn't work, etc.) My parents offered to pay for the custody battle. I opted not to go that route and I stayed. It was not ideal, but it made sense to me. I was not about to gamble on the welfare of my children. I knew I could lose in court. (His parents are worth millions.) I felt staying was better for my children because I would be there, as opposed to having visitation. I also knew that he would have his parents watch the kids. (The same parents who knew he was abusive, but just pretended it wasn't happening. And blamed me for saying something.)

I understand the dilemma of what you are facing. Please speak to another attorney. Arm yourself with the legalities, examine them closely, then carefully choose your path. Sometimes we make concessions if the good outweighs the bad. Only you will know what is right for your situation and for the health and safety of your daughter. Blessings to you; I care and wish you the very best.