Sick of biting my tongue
My boyfriend and I have been together 10yrs and we have three daughters (3,5 & 7). He has a son (14) from his past relationship.
My SS is not a bad kid but he's lazy and lacks ambition. I have to tell him to shower, change his clothes, brush his teeth ect. All he's interested in is video games. My SS stays with us every weekend but during the summer he stays longer than supposed to and these extra overnights are not documented with the court. My boyfriend never monitors what SS is doing when he's here, unless I'm nagging at him which causes fights. Why should I be the one to always parent him? I have three small children that I already feel as if I'm getting no help with.
So my boyfriend's ex has no job, in ten years she's had three jobs and has been fired from them all. She lives off of her child support, her dad and current boyfriends. She has no car because she's afraid to drive and relies on family/friends to pick up SS every weekend. She's constantly out drinking and living it up. We get phone calls about the things SS needs and no matter how upset I am my boyfriend will jump and get whatever it is she's calling about. We're constantly getting late afternoon calls on the days she's picking SS up from our house that she can't because of no ride, anxiety, no AC in the car and it's too hot, not feeling good ect.
I feel alone and overwhelmed... if my boyfriend isn't at work he's playing video games or nose deep in his phone. Why is it that while my boyfriend and his ex are able to live freely and enjoy life, I'm miserable and on the verge of a mental breakdown. For ten years I've never given this girl a piece of my mind because my boyfriend doesn't want any conflict. Am I overreacting? Maybe I'm just envious...
An EWE schedule would be an
An EWE schedule would be an absolute no for me if I were married the the NCP. Not only no, but no F'n way.
Why should the CP get every weekend kid free and the NCP household be cursed with not having a Skid free weekend... ever?
I am the CP household SParent in our blended family adventure. Having the Skid all of the time was our normal except during SS's SpermLand visitation time. (5wks summer, 1wk winter, 1wk spring). However, had we been the NCP household in a close proximity visitation situaion there is not a snoballs chance in hell I would tolerate an EWE visitation schedule. Even if it was COd. EOWE that visitation would be refused. Regardless of the impact in CS that might result.
Nope. It should not happen IMHO. As you describe this situation, your side owns her ass so quit being her victims and keep her nose firmly rubbed in the stinky spot of her behavioral bullshit.
And enjoy making sure she sniffs every molecule of her behavioral stench.
Unfortunately, you have a
Unfortunately, you have a boyfriend problem. It is him that is dumping all of this on you. Whether his GF drives.. drinks and has fun.. that really has nothing to do with the fact that your BF has saddled you with pulling up his slack.
Honestly, you would be wasting your breath talking to his EX. HE is the one that is making your life miserable. But.. you have seen him in this state for 10 years and he apparently feels he has nothing that he has to change.. he likely won't change.
So.. you can disengage and not be available to do things extra for your SS.. or you take your three kids and go live a life without the extra work.
Does your BF know you are so
Does your BF know you are so unhappy? I mean, have you actually discussed it with him? I'm sure on some level he does know, but the current situation works just fine for him, so he's not going to make any changes. Sounds like you are all but a single parent to three of your own plus his older child.
You have to decide your own boundaries and bottom line. What do you want and need? Are you willing to end (or somehow change) the relationship if he won't meet your needs and at least some of your wants? And remember that YOU are just as important as he is. It is not your job to sacrifice yourself for his comfort.
I think I'd insist on couple's counseling to start so that you can figure out equitable roles in your household. I hope your BF steps up and acts like an adult with responsibilities toward ALL his kids.