I, too, think four hours for each child at every visit seems a bit much. Also, having it written in the CO does seem very strange. And why would they suggest that he see each son separately? But, like allgirls, I think having some one-on-one time is good for the kids and I would totally welcome it. I have to practically beg to get my SO to take skids somewhere without me!

I do get where you're coming from with not wanting to give it based solely on skids demands, though. Are they asking for that because you don't let your husband spend time with them alone, or are they specifically trying to exclude you and your children?

Just remember what you all agree to will have to be lived up to - so remind your DH that he will have those boys by himself all that time - if you let the skids dictate that happens I see a very very long road ahead for you - if you DH says no then that would be the answer no!!

Yeah, like what if he doesn't feel like going to do something one on one on a weekend or you guys are dead broke with no money to spend on a four hour outing?

Beyond that, since when can a CO dictate what you do on your parenting time??

I would absolutely not agree to anything like this. Why do these kids et to dictate when and how they are going to see their dad? What other kids get to do that? It's almost like getting a court order saying "I solemnly promise to be a disney dad. I will shun my wife every other weekend for at least 4 hours each day so I can take my spoilt rotten sons fun places" I think it is nuts to even consider this as an option. My ss13 asked my dh this summer if he would move out of our home and the two of them could get a house together in the country. OMG! Your dh can't allow these children to dictate how he runs his family and his home.

What if next month they decide they want YOU to move and that way they can come to the family home and stay with daddykins whenever they like? Is your dh going to be ok with that? Are they going to dictate what he places he can take them on the 4 hr visits? Can he take them to a soup kitchen and church services? Or can he only take them "fun" places?

This is sorta the place we ended at. My ss13 wanted me out of the pic. He never came up with a two page list of complaints as he isnt that creative of a liar. He just wants me out of the pic just because. Is that what the world is coming to? COD's get the option of whether they want to participate in their father's family life? They get to dictate and demand how and when and who can be included in their visits? If that is so-of course all of the little farts are going to start demanding one on one time with daddy with visits to fun places and activities. That isnt even a parenting relationship. Not even close-so what is the point?

I dont believe a judge would ever order this-it would have to be something that you all agreed on. So tell your dh to just not agree. I would be all for the family counseling but not with BM for goodness sake-with YOU-if these kids have such an issue with you perhaps they need to face you directly with their concerns so that you all can hash it all out.

Yikes I just saw that YOU have kids too? Is dh their dad too? So dh is going to give up eow for 4 hours each day ( I am assuming the 4 hours would be in the middle of the day at a time that would be convenient for these spoilt teens-couldnt be too early in the morning and they wouldnt likely want to give up their friday and saturday evenings)-are these kids unwilling to have a relationship with their sibs-step or half? Again, I dont think a judge is going to order such an exclusionary visitaion arrangement on his own without some sort of significant evidence signaling some serious sort of abuse issue.

I would not give into it, it is wrong to teach these kids that they can rule the roost and dictate not only when they will see their dad, how long they will see their dad, and a specific time frame for l on l time. I agree this is not how a marriage works.

If dad wanted to take the kids to a football game, or fishing okay, but to have a strict schedule of demands created by the kids no way.

If he has 1 on 1 time with them now because they demand it, this will I can assure you get far, far worse.

If this was happening to your DH's sister, would she be so willing to be shuffed aside for 8 hours every weekend because she had step kids that wanted it, and may I ask when one is away on 1 on 1 time with dad, who is going to look after the one that is left at home - YOU. If that is the case, then you get fair input into this too, oops, sorry I forgot you are the step nothing, the second wife, sorry, I was thinking you were a real wife.

Most people work, weekends is the only time we get to spend with family and HUSBANDS it is not fair to expect you to give up time with your husband because they want one on one with their dad, anyway how many 16 year olds want to hang out with dad.

If push comes to shove here and you have to give something, then perhaps he could take both his boys out to lunch on a Saturday for a couple of hours - but I bet that won't be good enough for the kids either. Don't know who is winding them up, but I suspect this is coming from somewhere else and your husband needs to consider you as well.

How about this. Kids are in therapy without their mother around. Their father spends 2 hrs per EOW weekend with BOTH of them. Their father is given an allowance by YOU of what he can spend on his sons.

I think this is VERY fair. And if they want a cent they better kiss your hard working unappreciated arse.

We are not talking about traumatised 3 yr olds whose father has has run off and married into a Monglian tribe and they are FORCED to live on a frozen tundra and eat yak yoghurt. They just don't like that their lives have had to change so much.

That being said, how many men actually DISCUSS with their kids before marrying or moving in a new partner how things will change and what he expects from them? Not many from what I read here.

I'd tell my dh that if he wanted to stay married he better say HELL NO! We are married and a FAMILY not divided! He should have them and him in therapy and the 2 of you on therapy as well. If he is considering this I would have tell him he needs to remember WHO will be by side for the rest of his life!

You guys are supposed to be a team and everything should be agreed upon between the 2 of you period. If you can;t come to an agreement then you guys should keep discussing it til you do and remember that compromising is your best friend. BUT both have to give not just one. good luck

Maybe I am a bad one to give advice but look at this way...you don't have to deal with their crap and have some time to yourself. I wouldn't want to be around kids that felt that way about me. I know that it is not the best way but maybe the solution for the present.

I'd take them places...like the LIBRARY. A MUSEUM.

Any place where cell phones have to be turned OFF.

They will bitch, of course. But he is doing SOMETHING with them, as they requested! }:)

Last I checked, extortion is still illegal in the US. (Assuming that's where you are.)

I'll anxiously await the report after the mediation. I'll send positive energy that your DH does the right thing by you and his kids. Geez, if they get away with leading him around like he's a bull with a ring in his nose, I can only imagine what they'll think they can get away with in the real world with people who they supposively don't love. This is simply nuts.

What a tough situation; I don't think dividing anything is good; a united front is key and giving in is letting them know - "they got you!" What the hell is wrong with the world today that these kids think what they say goes......If I had ever talked like that I would have gotten a slap in the mouth!! and for good reason.......DH and BM aloud SD to dictate her whole life and Look what happened. BM kicked her A* out and DH lost control of her; now I am left picking up the pieces!