Seriously what gives?
Forums:
Why do Bio parents expect you to love their child as your own but if you pass a comment that makes 'little bundle of joy' seem bad in any way they jump down your throat. Knowing full well if I actually was their biological parent the comment would have been taken on board and would have been fine? Not to add that you have wasted your entire weekend renovating the little bundle of joys new room.
I think I am starting to
I think I am starting to learn a little bit about parents and skids from my own situation. A parent looks at his or her child as a piece of them, and in some cases even a mini version of them. Some people are about as willing to accept criticism about their children as they are about theirself. I noticed this lately with my fiancee, he does not take criticism well at all. He thinks he is perfect and to be fair, besides his parenting skills and having a jolly tummy, he kind of is. Unfortunately, his kids were raised totally differently, and they are lazy, selfish, spoiled, dense and messy. But if I try and point anything out to him about them, like...."hey, they never clean up after themselves ever and its starting to bother me". He gets all bent out of shape and defending them, denying it, making excuses for them etc.
If you are new to step parenting...then get used to it. Some parents WILL NOT see their kids for who they are. Will not. Are not mature enough to accept who they have raised/ and or are raising. At some point you will stop trying to get them to see the truth. Until they see it for themselves, its a lost cause. You will be seen as mean and jealous and trying to be hurtful of the child. I know, it doesn't make sense.
So we are expected to give
So we are expected to give our all and receive second class treatment by the parent of the child...
My comment was so innocent it was about our new puppy, I do not advocate feeding a dog at the table because it leads to them running around your feet and jumping around every time you are going to eat. My comment was keep an eye on SOers child because if she drops something while eating the puppy will think its normal (I have seen her do it by accident, didn't say anything tho hoping SO would notice the few times it happened) this turned into SO trying to find ways to blame me on it happening. All I said was 'if she' not I seen her doing it as she is a child and these things happen. I also passed comment that we all should be aware of it, so this was not just directed at the SO's daughter
I don't understand why parents can be this way even if they took it as something bad they should accept that a step will never see their kids with rose tainted glasses but when we make a commitment we only have the best in mind for the family and their child as part of that family. If I am to be seen as a major part in this child's life (my SO's words in the past) I should be treated thus and my opinion should be listened to just as the child's bio fathers would.
This has transpired to me sitting in front of the tv for the rest of the day while my SO completes her daughters room, if I'm only a small part in the childs life her mum can do all the hard graft to give her a bigger room (my idea btw...)
Sips tea ....... Ahhhhhhh!
Now you are getting the right
Now you are getting the right idea! They are the parents...let them do the majority of the work for the child. If you start putting yourself out there as far as cooking....you'll be criticized, if you clean, most likely there will be no thanks and then it will become expected of you. I would just let your SO take the responsability for their child. As far as discipline....same thing. Not a good idea to start trying to do that unless you are specifically asked. This is just based on my experiences. I am pretty much disengaged as a step. It's easier that way I have found. And don't try and analyze how you think they will fare when they grow up...my god. My SO has three that are clueless how to put a dish away, laundry, the value of money, flunk their classes, all have I phone 4's and play X BOX all night long....are spoiled brats...age 10,12 and 14 and I cringe to think who will foot the bill for them because I doubt they will even be able to show up for college classes if they can even get it....my god they will all be on welfare. But I have to bite my tongue. Welcome to the club!