SD gone AWOL after we found out
So last thursday I found out that SD16 who lives with us full time, is sending and receiving inmoral pictures and talking dirty,no, filthy, to her(we had no idea she had one) BF...Of course I tell DH and today is what...Tuesday. Nothing has been done, no talk, no confrontation, no nothing...he gives me the excuse that he is working long hours and wants to resolve this with BM present, and since she doesn't have a car she depends on him to pick her up and so the list of excuses go on...anyway, apparently after I told DH about the messages and pictures, he decides to give BM a call to let her know what's going on...so my guess is she calls SD to talk about this, so SD locks herself in her room, doesn't come out for NOTHING, I didn't even try to talk to her or even knock on her door, because she is usually locked in there anyway, so on friday night I take my BD4 to a birthday party, when I come home she is still in there, according to my parents (who live w/ me) she came out because they asked her to come get dinner, then Saturday DH and I went to a wedding reception, so again all day she's locked in there, DH won't even attempt to talk to her...UUUGHHH so comes Sunday, father's day, no sign of her coming out of her room...UNTIL, DH gets a phone call form ex-MIL telling him that she got picked up at 2:30 am by her brother (SS19) and went to her mom's because she felt "uncomfortable" here...go figure. Now EVERYONE there, BM,GM, aunts blame me for her not being comfortable here, and saying crap like: "when SS19 was her age he felt the same way, that's why he left and never went back to live there, and now it's happening again"...now, now, He left because he wanted to go...nobody told him to, I have NEVER had an argument w/ him...he lives with his GF and left the house when he was almost 18 by his own choice. Now back to SD, she knew we found out about her wrongdoing and decided to become a hermit, told he grandma and BM that I didn't "invite her" to dinner for the past two days. HELLO?! you are 16! do I have to put a plate under your nose EVERY night or you will starve??? apparently so. she did eat the friday that I went to the B-day party, and the next night she decided to stay in her room pretending to be asleep when my mom knocked on her door... I hate that she manipulates her BM and the rest of her family into thinking that I am doing wrong, when she is. She always does this, makes herself a victim, and everyone buys into it. I can't believe DH still hasn't talked to her and is just letting this pass as so many times before, I told him that the day he wakes up and see things as they really are it'll be too late, if it's not already...I am at wits end, I have no rights over his kids, so I shouldn't feel responsible, but I do, and it makes me mad that he is not doing anything.
If she's sexting photos of
If she's sexting photos of herself send a tip to the police. They'll take her off your hands. Or let her move to bms.
If she's sexting photos of
If she's sexting photos of herself send a tip to the police. They'll take her off your hands. Or let her move to bms.
no don't send her family or
no don't send her family or anybody else the photos that she's been sending of herself then they could try and get YOU for kiddy porn! Notify the police or take them her phone with the messages and they will take care of it for you
I wasn't planning on doing
I wasn't planning on doing that, but thanks for the heads up. I think DH should be the one going o the police, honestly I feel like I've lost this battle the day I got married...DH is a robot that only does what I ask him to do for the sake of our relationship, he doesn't want to believe that his little princess is in fact an ugly monster, so he doesn't do jack about it.
I don't mind what two
I don't mind what two consenting ADULTS do behind their OWN doors, just the need to share it on the Internet !!! SD was Skyping live shows to bf, and keeping a lot of photos of herself, pornographic ones that I guess she sent to him !!
Was this sexting or done on a p.c ??? My dumb SD's personal weapon of choice !!! I DID tell DH but never showed him the photos, no Father wants to see THAT !!!!
Maybe it is time for your SD to move out, believe me I think it saved our sanity and our marriage when my SD went !!! Also, you can tell family memebers until you are blue in the face about these incidents, but I don't think they believe you!!!!
My SD moved in with relatives and just continued her disrespectful behaviour, her room was a pit, slept all day, up all night on the Internet, not doing chores, etc, etc.....I think that finally opened THEIR eyes about her!!! Her living there cost DH a fortune at the time, no help from BM and she lived ten minutes away from where she was!!!! NICE !!!
Can't believe your SD said SHE felt uncomfortable in your home, hmmmm, right, not SO uncomfortable that she couldn't pose for her delightful photos !!! Yuk !!!
She was using e-mails, and
She was using e-mails, and apparently skyping as well, all the dirty talking was done thru private messages on FB, and No, I didn't show DH the pics, maybe I should, that would get him worked up. As of right now, nothing has happened...
Time for DH to get wise, I
Time for DH to get wise, I agree don't show him the photos, I almost thought I would have to blank out some of the photos if I had to, to get the message through to my DH. Luckily the shock factor was enough. It is very hard when you are not a united front....this has been my case for a very long time too. Every discussion about the SD becomes a blown up battle, and I sometimes wonder if my DH prefers it that way!!! We have the same fight over and over again.
With younger children in the house I would say it is time to think about her leaving, have you tried taking away ALL the toys??? I'm guessing you probably bought them for the Skid, like we did? Well, DH did.....
These skids take all these toys sooo much for granted , that taking them away is sometimes SUCH a shock.
We did this, SD was grounded for a month, (this disrupted her plans for a break with sadly deluded bf at the time and his family, and also a break from School, when she would be on these toys 24/ 7 !!! No p.c, no Laptop, no cell too.Any homework etc, which needed Internet research was done with either DH or I sitting at her elbow, monitoring every little keystroke. This was very HARD to do, and she played the poor little me card through out all of this, OF COURSE !!!
By then though I really think DH was doing too little too late, and because we did not nip such behaviour in the bud, it began to escalate like these things do......
DH took her laptop only
DH took her laptop only because I told him to...she still ahs her cell phone, remember that she is at BM house, but I (again it's just me doing everything)limited her texts to 0 mins. so she can no longer text, and blocked chunks of her unlimited minutes down to 9am-9pm...and told DH about it mentioning that this is only until we talk to her, then, her phone is gone as well...guess what? It's been a week and no words have been exchanged...I sure hope she stays with BM and doesn't come back here.
I disagree here. Show him
I disagree here. Show him the photos. That may be the only thing that wakes his ass up. His daughter is out of control. I would also email them to the mom. Then stay out of it....
But, first they need to know what they are dealing with. Stop protecting DAD and show him everything that you have seen, maybe he will actually do something before it escalates and she is pregnant or worse...
I really believe she will end
I really believe she will end up like that or worse...I don't know if showing him will change anything...I hate the fact that I seem to be the only one that is concerned about this. About a year and a half ago something similar happened...we found out she was seeing a senior in HS when she was only 14...I heard them talking on the phone and was shocked to the point where I was shaking and cold. I couldn't believe what they where saying. So I went to the police and filed for child sexual abuse...BM and entourage(her family) raised hell and said that I was crazy, and how dare I go to the police, that the "poor kid" was going to pay all his life for this by being marked as sexual offender...O M G...can you believe that? So there is no point in talking to this people...they are all CRAZY!
Believe me I showed DH
Believe me I showed DH everything else, that was happening, and SD was given like a hundred chances, tons of punishments, etc, and I was trying to get her into therapy for the lying and the behaviour. She saw a school therapist a few times but then didn't go as she just told him she was fine and lied!!! DH didn't want to force it any further, you know how they can be about their little perfect girl. BM didn't care, we did tell her about most of this and as she was in another country, and hardly interested there really was no point. I was not as strong as I am and AM becoming now!!! SD is now too old legally for us to do anything about it, and you can tell someone they need help u til you are blue in the face AND they still don't hear it.
I hope you find a way through it..... We've been through hell and back for that SD.....
I hate it!!! It's always a
I hate it!!! It's always a losing battle for us...I wish she stays with her BM, I honestly do not want her back here, and IF she comes back, she better be prepared for it, cause I will not treat her the same EVER again. I have my own kids to worry about, she can go back where she came from.
We've made it very clear to
We've made it very clear to SS15 and SS10 that there is no such thing as privacy for you if I'm paying the bills or/and you're under 18. We have a no tolerance policy for drugs or porn of any kind. BM doesn't do anything about it at her place, but they have not tested us here. They know I follow through when I threaten punishment. DH backs me up when I do, but rarely does the punishing. I told him that if he wants to enact any punishment on what happens at BM's place, I will help him, but he never does. Only once have they done anything about leud or sexual behavior. Since then, they've been mute. I have had plenty of talks with SS15 because he is showing signs of sexual activity, but he's never done it here... he doesn't have the privacy to do that.