Sad how difficult it is for Disney Dads
So yesterday DH phone's YSD as he does every single weekend, and as is sometimes the case, no answer. Sometimes she goes weeks before she actually returns DH's call, and other times she will pick up. DH hung up, but surprise, a little bit later in the evening YSD calls back
So DH picks up all happy, and is just a grovelling butt-kissing over the top 'I'm so grateful you chose to talk to me' idiot that I had to fight from cringing
Every minute of the conversation is "I'm so proud of you YSD" "that is so great YSD" "you are so great YSD" etc.. etc..
From my perspective, I think how sad there is no real relationship. No real discussion. No real father/daughter closeness. Just this grovelling 'I'm so grateful you haven't walked out of my life and choose to talk with me every once in a while" tone
It is all-consuming for DH
I'm not saying I don't understand it from DH's perspective because quite honestly that is exactly how my own father treated me after my parents divorce and it always left me feeling sad and guilty
For her part, YSD being the sweetheart this kid actually is, wanted to talk to me about my sister - who she really does like - and how her eye injury was going.
YSD also wanted to thank me and my sister for the set of books my sister made sure she had - a series both my sister and I had read when we were in our teens and then again as adults LOL. YSD is really getting into it and wanted me to know how much she was enjoying the books
I told her sincerely and warmly that my sister has always adored her, and wanted to give her this book series so much that we were actually arguing over which of us would give them to her until I had to say "hey it's not a competition here, go ahead and you give them to YSD if it means so much"
YSD just loved this and we were having a good laugh, when DH comes back on the phone grovelling that is so cool YSD, good for you, I am so proud of you, you are the best etc... etc...
At the end of the call, I felt sad thinking that I actually have more relaxed and easy-going relationship with YSD than DH has
If DH could just be a parent, and stop living in over the top gratitude for any crumbs his kids throw him, they just might respect him more
One sided ass kissing and
One sided ass kissing and groveling is boring and shallow. That's how my H is with his oldest daughter, 23. She will every few weeks return his many calls, and this is exactly how it goes.
wow hatemyhusband, your
wow hatemyhusband, your situation does sound exactly my mine with your DH and SD. Sure it would go easier for both our DH's if they stopped the grovelling already!
Yes, I do sympathize with
Yes, I do sympathize with Disney Dads to some extent as like you, my dad was very much like this after my parents divorced, and it just made me feel sad for him
Then again, no one really blamed him for my parents divorce (my mom was the cheater, the one doing the PASing, making us believe he was a loser, etc...) so it is somewhat different for my DH as he has a lot of guilt over the break-up of his marriage, as a result of an affair that he had. He is blamed by BM for it, and his daughters have that typical "I'm a victim and the world owes me so I'm entitled" attitude and this is something I never had, just sadness that my dad was such a broken man post-divorce
What breaks my heart are the adult skids who use that to their advantage to manipulate their fathers and even step-parents
As hard as it is, if the Disney Dads could understand it just may not be helping their situations at all, things would be better and easier for all in the long run