They sound a lot like my inlaws. Similar to you, my parents would do anything for me and my kids. The other day, for example, I mentioned that I'd like to put a home office in my backyard but don't have the space. My mom didn't miss a beat and said I could buuld one in their yard. On the other hand, when DH's first marriage broke down and he didn't know where he was going to live, his parents didn't offer their spare bedroom, and his mother later complained to me that DH left the marital home without so much as a pillow to sleep on but never offered him a spare pillow from her own house. So weird. Trust your gut. Your inlaws are going to expect support from you but not give it. 

Take them as they are. You are not going to have the same relationship as with your parents, that is unrealistic. But that doesn't mean you can't have a pleasant relationship. 

They clearly have priorities and are not afraid to offer reasonable compromises that work around them. That is a good thing. They are going to store some boxes for you (just not in the house), you are staying with them (just not the first night), and they are going to meet up with you the next day, (just after their workout and lunch). If they bent over backwards to accommodate you and sacrificed their priorities and comfort to do that then they would end up resenting being put out by you. Clear boundaries will help to keep the relationship healthy. 

It is also great that they prioritize their health and social activities which will mean they will live longer and, as they age, will require less help from your husband and you. 

If you haven't seen them in 5 years it will take time to develop a closer relationship, and it may not get closer. But it does sound like you could all get along well. 

Are you moving their JUST for them?? I hope that there are other reasons you've chosen this area to live in as they could decide to move away themselves or the relationship could not be what you thought it would be. 

They have boundaries, nothing wrong with that.  Good fences make goid neighbors.  

I'm 79, DH is 86.  We love all 5 kids, inlaws and GKs and Lord knows, we've done plenty for them all.  But, we don't change many plans for any of them.. I can tactfully lay down boundaries but if somebody doesn't get it, DH can make it crystal clear.

With 5 kids, we've seen varying modes from the inlaws on the other side.  Sometimes, I've felt guilty when I've seen extremely kind,  generous folks on the other side but we are who we are.

I agree with BethAnne, take them as you find them.  Good luck!

I find their behavior odd as well. Not only would my parents not treat me like that, they wouldn't treat friends in the same situation that way either. As to storing valuables, I would hesitate to put them in a shed because of mice and the effect of weather. Does your DH also find their behavor concerning?

My mom and dad are the "our home is your home" people. Period. Dot. No limits, The expectation is that we come whenever we want for as long as we want. We are very sensitive to not taking advantage of that.

But, your IL's lives are structured and their dedication to their routine is not unusual even when family is visiting.

My ILs make very little effort to see us when we visit. No matter how much notice we give that we will be there. We stay in a local hotel when we visit them. I refuse to stay with any of them.  Home cleanliness and sanitation is not their thing.

Our key learning is that family members who are not resident locally and who are not an integrated part of the lives of other family members often feel that the local members do not appreciate or participate in a visit.

My mom experienced this with her family when we were living overseas.  She would prepare for visiting her family.  Well thought out gifts, activities, prior invitations, etc...  The effort from her family was usually limited to a single gift collection get together. After that... any interface or effort from mom's family was intermittent and minimal at most.

We have experienced the same thing with my DW's family.  She left her home town and State for University right after HS and never returned to live there.  She visits regularly and I accompany her when my work schedule allows.   She and my mom share this experience with their families and not living near them.  

No judgement. Just life experience when it comes to family relationships when the family is broadly distributed geographically.  

In addition to the interferance that a visiting family member from far far away represents to the local family members and their daily lives including work, kid's school and activities, Church, budget constraints, been there done that before stuff, etc, etc, etc.... the "local" family seems to make little to no effort to visit or engage with the far far away family members.  If the far far away family is international, that makes sense and may not be unreasonable.  If the far far away family is not international, the apparent lack of effort by the local family can be hurtful to the far far away family.

My family, who has been Expats for part of our careers for 3 generations does not have this issue. When whoever lives away visits, we get together as much as we can when the visiting family element is present.

My grandparens were Expats (on both sides), my mom and dad were Expats and my brothers and I were raised as 3CKs (3rd culture kids), our home and my brothers home was home base for mom and dad for the last decade of so of their Expat life, mom and dads home was home base for my brother and his family and for my family when we were all Expats.  We make it work because we understand it and we value remaining close as a family though we may not live geographically close for many years.  My IL clan does not have the same level of experience with this.  My 2 BILs insisted on surprising their family when they were serving in the US Army and would get decidedly upset when they would make surprise visits and the rest of the family had work, school, etc.. and did not spend every second with my BILs.  One of my BILs is the worst at seemingly avoiding my DW/us when we visit. The other BIL makes a notable effort.

It has taken a very long time for my DW to not let herself get hurt and to tell them when she will be there, what she will be doing, and letting them know that they are welcome to join. She does not chase them. We do what we do and if they play ball, great. If not, great.

All of this is just to say, your ILs may be critters of routine/creatures of habit and very well may be far more engaged once you and DH move to Fla.

Just some thoughts and experiences for reference.

Just a few casual observations.

1.  What about your DH's son?  how will this impact his father's ability to be in his life?  I know your ss appears to have some issues.. and you probably would love to walk away from those.. (understandably).. but your husband is his father.. and he doesn't really have that luxury does he?  it's his son.. is moving a good idea for his relationship with HIM? (not BM).

2.  Please note the red flags you are seeing from your inlaws on your move down there.  They have made every effort to show you that they are fine and independant.. that they are likely NOT interested in having a more enmeshed relationship with you and their son.  I don't know anything about the relationship they had prior.. but they don't seem to be rolling out the red carpet for your house hunting trip.. so do you think maybe they secretly hope you won't move to their area and create obligations to spend time with you both that they would not be interested in doing? that may not mean they don't love their son.. but may not want a more socially active relationship.

3.  Their boundaries are fairly reasonable imho.  You land at 11.. even if they are close to the airport. it would be after midnight.. and I don't care how quiet you are.. you are going into a somewhat unfamiliar home.. they will be woken up.. they will be disturbed if you come in that late.  AND.. they have standing plans on Tuesdays.. perhaps there is a pickleball clinic they take that morning and it's one of the most cherished activities in their weekly schedule.  I know it's been some time since they have seen him.. but if you do move.. won't they have a lot of opportunities in the future.. won't you be there for 5 day.. so plenty of time to catch up?  they may also not have a ton of space.. or don't want to clutter their home up for some undetermined period of time with a lot of your stuff.

Honestly.. based on what they have said.  Rent a small storage unit.  it will likely be more secure than their shed.  Rent your hotel for your 5 day stay.. fish and guests stink after 3 days.. they are already indicating they have commitments and that your being there will be somewhat inconvenient at times.. don't put that burden on them and your relationship.. get your own space.

4.  Moving to FL in general.  are you aware of the job market there?  and the housing market.. houses are high.. wages are low  it has gotten very crowded.. some things are a lot higher than other states.. like my insurance was higher on my vehicle.. and on homes.. also while there is no income tax.. there IS hefty property tax on your home.  It can be hot.. hurricanes.. tourists.. a lot of inconveniences.. some of that is personal preference. other is cautionary.

5.  Some people just ARE private.. my husband and I don't really like to travel with others.. cramps our style.. we enjoy each other's company.. don't have a wide circle of friends we do things with.. just a few people.. very occasionally.  quick story.. we once went to FL (ironically).. to stay with an old friend of my DH's for a few days before I had a work trip.. we spent one day with them.. ended up in the "twin bed room" because they had another couple in the queen en suite.. and we just cut out after the first night to go find a place to stay in the Keys vs staying through the full stay we planned.  we don't need to be with other people to have fun.. and honestly.. sometimes it is uncomfortable to be with others when we have to consider everyone else's preferences too.. and I'm a bit hermitty naturally.. haha.

again.. they may not even be thrilled with the prospect of you coming.. even if they love their son... some people are super close as family.. some just are not.. doesn't mean they don't love each other.. but don't have close ties and connections to be constantly in contact.

After reading all the responses, it seems that however our parents were, that's what we consider the standard.  When other families have a different mode, it seems off to us.

I do not have a problem with their decision. Nor should you. It's their home. Not to sound mean, ok? They do not owe you an explanation. 

As grown adults, you should,

Rent a hotel room for how ever long you need to. AND don't ask to put your 'stuff' at their place. Pay for a storage unit or don't bring your stuff. You should have done that first then allow THEM to invite you to stay. See how that works....allow people to invite you, do not assume they should or want to. 

I have a funny feeling they are concerned you may not leave or potentially can't leave if,  they open their home to you. .  Those concerns are not unreasonable especially the way things are today. Families are squatting, and also over staying their welcome in various ways. "ohhh , can you watch the chilllldrennnn so we can go look at a home, go to a job interview"...or "Ohhhh, John and I want to go out to eat, can you sit with your Grandchildren". "OHHHH, sorry we need to stay another month because we cant find a home'...and it goes on and on. 

JMO

I don't think OP seems entitled. They're just asking for an opinion about an experience with their SO's family. I think it possible to share an alternate opinion without passing undeserved judgement. IMO. 

Some people have responded in this thread presenting their opinion on how the OP's in laws might be feeling, and they have done so politely and respectfully.

But other posters have lectured and ear bashed the OP, and also made a lot of assumptions about her.

No wonder she hasn't been back.

You know what, people? It's possible to present an alternative viewpoint without being mean and harsh.

Exactly. She got a good variation of opinions.....sadly some of those opinions were presented in a very unkind and judgmental way.

As to her original question: personally I am happy to store some of my son's boxes of possessions while he's on his OE.  It's fine by me.

And, family arriving late at night...I'm fine with that. I'll leave a key out and tell them to tiptoe around so they don't wake me up.

It sounds as though the OP's in laws have their own habits and routines though which is also fine. 

At least they have been honest and spelled it out so everyone knows where they stand.

OP, good luck with the move to Florida! I hope it all goes well for you.