I just don't understand why he doesn't understand.
This man! Sooo we have the girls this weekend. I had work today and hubby went in fow a few hours to finish a project, after work we go to my in-laws house (They live like less than a mile away). At their house we hang out with the girls and the rest of the family for an hour or so and then it's time to leave and that little girl (Hubby's ex stepdaughter) asked him to sit in his lap to drive back to our house. Mind you my stepdaughter usually sits in her daddies lap and pretends to drive up to the house with him. I think that's acceptable because his little girl is 4 years old. I think after a certain age a little girl is NOT supposed to sit in no mans lap. For one, she isn't even his bio daughter so it completely makes me feel uncomfortable. Two, she's 8 years old and her birthday is in a few months which means she will be 9 years old. Another thing that made me upset was he kissed the little girls shoulder while she was "driving". Like wtf? That is NOT your daughter sirrr. Like I just can NOT.
So When we get home I tell him about himself and how I find it inappropriate. You know what he says, "Okay but I'm her dad, it's not like I'm getting a bon*r...." I just don't understand why he doesn't get that this child is not his. Ugh
If it's common knowledge that
If it's common knowledge that he is not the bio dad , then it could be misconstrued by "well meaning" people that he is grooming her. His heart might tell him one thing , but society and good mental health says another. There is a time when little girls grow up and in this country it is recognized by healthy people that 8yo girls don't get treated like a 4yo. Now if he expects her to grow up and have boyfriends and lovers and maybe get married, then it is up to him to keep her on that path to differentiation. I suspect you know that OP but you need a way to get thru to him. Feelings aside, maybe a few key men in his life could point out how perverted this behavior could look and someone could report him.
I know you don't like her, I get why, but you might be pushing him to dig his heels in, causing long term consequences. Many recommend recording them with phones, pictures or videos, then showing them.
Thank you for the advice. I
Thank you for the advice. I really appreciate it. I will try to record it next time. I've never seen him do this before so I do agree with you that I may be pushing him.
Illegal in most places
It does not matter who it was or how far you are going. Sitting in an adult's lap while the car is moving is illegal in most places.
Even if it were legal it's dangerous.
THIS.
THIS. Sorry but even for the 4 year old it is dangerous and illegal. No seatbelt and an airbag = death. Your H may be an excellent driver but he can't control what other people do or prevent a freak accident. If a police officer would see him, he would get a massive ticket and possible child endangerment charges for a very good reason. If for no other reason, that should get him to knock it off.
But clearly he has issues with this girl. The ick-factor is off the charts.
Oh everything is fine. We
Oh everything is fine. We live deep in the country on a back road. There's only our house and his parents home on it. No visitors drive on that road as it is private property. His parents live less than half a Mile up the road so it's fine.
It's fine until it isn't.
It's fine until it isn't. It's dangerous. If something happens and the child is injured there could be custody repercussions. BM could legitimately say that he purposely endangered the child. He could end up being charged with child endangerment. A half mile up a safe private road may not be a good court defense.
If you want it to stop, it has to stop for both girls. The cute four year old is growing. How many years of this do you want to watch?
its not fine
Your husband suddenly has a heart attack or stroke while driving with a child on his lap....
I understand. At the end of
I understand. At the end of the day the daughter is his not mines so he can do whatever he pleases with his child and that little girl. I have no say so because I am not their parent.
Yeah, I would have way more
Yeah, I would have way more of an issue concerning the danger and risk involved than him kissing his stepdaughter. And I don't think 8 is too old to sit on dad's lap from time to time, especially considering he lets the 4 year old.
If you can't accept the fact that he sees the older child as HIS DAUGHTER, and if you insist on pressuring him to treat her differently, please just end this relationship now.
And tell him he's a freaking moron for driving a car while a child of any age is in his lap.
She is not his stepdaughter
She is not his stepdaughter anymore. Her mother and my husband had a divorce. Also I am not pressuring him to do anything. She still comes over here. He still takes care of her etc. All I asked is that he doesn't let her sit on his lap. She already acts like she is 16 years old and her mother over sexualizes her so no. She can sit in a seat. I was raised that little girls over a certain age should NOT sit in any mans lap. She's becoming a young lady and it's unacceptable to me.
My very good friend is in her
My very good friend is in her late 30s, still calls her ex-SF dad, and her mom divorced him in the early 90s. Your BF and this little girl have a separate relationship that wasn't destroyed simply because her mom divorced him.
It's quite clear you want him to treat her differently because she isn't his.
And yeah, if she were 11 or 12, I could see your beef. This is a friggin 1st or 2nd grader here. Settle down. You are the one sexualizing her in this instance. She's 8. She wants to know the guy she calls dad isn't going to abandon her like the last guy she called dad.
I appreciate the feedback.
I appreciate the feedback.
Huh? No kid should be in a
Huh? No kid should be in a moving vehicle when not buckled into a car seat. This is just insane and F-in stupid for the adults to expose these kids to that kind of risk and to instill idiot behaviors into kid brains. I have spent way too many years driving in ME and Asian countries where kids are climbing all over the back seats and window decks of cars at highway speeds as their parents fly by me like I am standing still only to come up on that car and several others several Kilometers down the road in a twisted pile of metal while mommy and daddy are wailing over the bodies of one of more of their dead children. It used to infuriate me when I would see these idiots driving around with their young children hanging out of the car windows (I saw a kid lose his head while hanging out of a car while it was driving down a crowded street at a slow pace when a big truck came from the opposite direction), standing on the seats, behind the seats climbing all over the inside of moving vehicles while their idiot parents were cluelessly speeding around. smh
If the kids want to drive, get them an electric Jeep toy and let them drive it around the back yard. Wearing the seatbelt of course.
This is a huge idiot parent trigger point for me. There is no excuse for this kind of crap, regardless of where and what culture it happens in.
Again, I appreciate the
Again, I appreciate the feedback but there's no need for name calling because that does absolutely nothing.
It sounds like this driving
It sounds like this driving happens on what amounts to a shared gravel driveway. I am not going to be hypercritical of him letting the girls sit on his lap while he steers and runs the the car.. at what I am guessing is a speed of about 5 mph.. which is how fast we typically drive on our own gravel drive on our rural property. Sure.. there is some tiny chance that a deer would dart out and hit them.. but realistically.. this isn't too much different than riding in a golf cart of on a 4 wheeler type vehicle... I know my mom used to let my brother and I do similar things.. but we are old as dirt..and didn't have bike helmets either.. which are now pretty much required..lol. I would feel much differently if they weren't basically on their own driveway.. but on any public road at a higher speed.
I think there is a fundamental disconnect with how she views the older girl and how her husband sees her. He has been a father figure to her and sees himself in that way.. so he does the same things with her that he does with his bio child. I know that he has divorced her mom.. but it sounds like he is still in her life due to the BM''s inability to care for any of her kids and via grandma he has access..
I think it's admirable that he wants to stick by her since she has so little stability in her life. I wouldn't be so quick to think that mom is the only influence on her either.. society in general exposes kids to so much... see Tik tok... facebook... even kids shows and cartoons have some fairly risque stuff going on. I recall my YSD had an affinity for gogo boots and fish nets when she was about 7 or 8.. not a stripper in the family that I know of..lol.
Thank you for not being rude
Thank you for not being rude about it. I appreciate that. I accept everyone's opinion on here good or bad. I am newly married and this is my first time ever being a stepmom. I haven't been doing this for years like other moms on here. I don't even have any children of my own. I come on here to vent and get advice just like other step moms. If that makes me a bad person then that's fine too.