Pregnant and living seperately due to SS
After a massive fight with my SO, I packed my bags, I took my special needs bio daughter 4 and walked out of my big beautiful house. I moved 3 hrs away to be near my parents and now currently rent a little house there. I moved out because of my SS6, the Ex and how those two people made my life hell! I was always felt 2nd, SS is spoilt and the ex is one of those Exs who do everything possible to make our lives difficult. Being Pregnant, I simply couldn't handle living in a such a negative environment. My SS and I have no relationship anymore ( we hate each other), I have not seen him since the massive I had with his Dad. My SO and I have made big changes in last couple of months and reconnected with each other on a deeper level. Which is great!. I want us to all live together again and have our baby.
Issue: because of the situation with SS and my health,I now suffer ante natal depression. I want nothing more than to be with my SO for support. However I am still traumatised and resentful towards the SS and Ex (who have won the fight and are happy that I moved out).
My question: what steps can We do to reconnect the family again? My lease at my house ends in April. Our baby will be a month old by then and SS has Missed out on my pregnancy journey so it will be a big change for him ( he's very spoilt and very attention seeking). I'm scared SS will make my depression worse if he's in the house and yet I need his dad for support. I've been alone long enough! Can anyone give me positive tips of what could be done about this? Also we are broke from renting 2 houses all because of SS and Exs behaviour.
Thank you for the replies so
Thank you for the replies so far! Your advice sounds like common sense yet I couldn't come up with these myself. Thank you.
Do you have SS full time? If
Do you have SS full time?
If not, since you are paying for two places anyhow, why not stay with SO during BM parenting time and go back to your rental when SS comes. Just until the lease is up. By then you should know whether or not he is sincere in the changes you are going to ask for and you can decide whether or not to reup the lease or move back with SO.
My SO has SS 50% of the time.
My SO has SS 50% of the time. Currently SO comes up to visit on a weekend he doesn't have SS. And I come down sometimes when SS is with his mum. I probably won't move till at least April, but I wanna make sure I'm making the right steps so that when I do come back, my anxiety, depression and caring for a newborn is fully supported. But right now, I feel as if my SO lives a double life. He's having a Christmas with his son and parents for a whole weekend and then he's spending Christmas day with me. SS has not seen the heart ache he and his mum have caused. He Has not had to pay for any sacrifices and consequences for his actions. I guess I'm resentful for that too, but how can you make a 6 year old understand that it's not right to hurt people feelings and cause them to leave their own home for it? Will I ever get over the resentment? Or is there a way, to make him understand that what he did was wrong?
Exactly Cheri! I think my SS
Exactly Cheri! I think my SS rules it. And hes ruled it long enough!
He is 6. He is, at this
He is 6. He is, at this point, a product of how he is parented. Most six year olds do not think on such a high level. I think you should be resenting/hating SO instead of SS because it sounds like SO is the one spoiling him and allowing him to act poorly. I agree with everything sueu2 said. It is not this child's fault you moved out, or felt you had to. It is your SO's for spoiling him and allowing him to call the shots.
I have to agree that SS is a
I have to agree that SS is a product of his parenting, so SO and Bm are the ones you should be pissed at. SO needs to come up with a plan and make it happen to get SS back on track. Your SO should be doing this already but not sure if he is? Things will not change unless your SO starts being a parent and also tells his ex to stay out of your lives unless it has to do with SS
What has/is your SO doing to
What has/is your SO doing to change the situation....besides saying the right words in order to lure you back?
What on earth did a 6 year
What on earth did a 6 year old do to cause this depression and anxiety over him?
I'm not an idiot, I know SS
I'm not an idiot, I know SS is only 6 blah blah blah. I know it's the parenting and ex fault but it's my SS behaviour too ( things he did that he knew was doing wrong) It's not what he ( and SO and ex) have done that i want to put out there, What I am asking for is, what steps can I take to get our family back together again. I am not going to
" justify" my reasoning of what has caused my depression only for some of you to judge. What I need is support, empathy towards my situation and an open mind, not people telling me " geez he's only 6, poor child". This site is for us to vent and i apologise for saying how I felt when I wrote my post, but please be sensitive... I'm in a really delicate state and I have no one to turn too except this site.( it took a lot of courage to post)
My SO has his son in counsilling to help him deal with his anxiety. That's the only change so far ( family wise). Yet the relationship between me and SO is now incredibly close. It's just we are now stuck on the family part and getting the family back in one house.
Things may never work
Things may never work out.
They may change for a few weeks or even months, but that doesn't mean dad and SS won't go back to the way they were.
If a six year old has that much power over your feelings, then you have a huge problem.
Well I guess then I'm not cut
Well I guess then I'm not cut out to be a step parent then. Thanks for the advice.