I hope you're right, Sally! But I'm pretty sure this kid has some serious issues which require counseling. And no, he's not in counseling. BM says its ADHD, you know because she's so qualified to diagnose him... She just wants to put him on meds to "fix" the problem, instead of realizing she's a shitty parent that struggles to say no or not buy her kids love. A 40 year old that lives with in parents basement with her 3 kids and kid #3 baby daddy isn't super trustworthy or smart in my book. She has a job that pays fairly well, baby daddy works in construction fairly regularly. They can afford 3 new vehicles and shopping trips every week, but not rent. Yet, after 3 years of living there, her kids still think so highly of her even if they've complained since day 1 about living with their grandparents. I guess for this generation love does buy happiness.

I wish I knew, because I would've done it a long time ago! I've been disengaged for awhile now. Started out cooking dinners and cleaning up without ever making them help. After the fake vomiting one night after a dinner I made (which was really good), I was done. I quit. I started telling my H to parent more, he was on his own for meals and that included paying for all food they ate in the house. I buy my own and they don't get to touch it. He makes them do chores, rarely and usually after I gripe about it enough. I don't go to their sporting events after so many times of being ignored when I said "good game". No birthday or christmas presents from me, that's all on their dad.

Oh, and SD15 kept asking for her room to be painted and I told H that I would only help if SD started showing some self-initiated help around the house and kept her room in order for 2 months (which was really only 20 days total). She didn't do it, so her room never got painted.

Thank you! I hope it works out for you too

Well of course he is still her father and still responsible for parenting her. But that doesn't mean he has to come running every time she says she has to have something right now (and especially when it's last minute notice for something planned weeks ago). He hasn't "quit his kids". But she can't just use him for rides and money and not TALK to him otherwise. She will have the necessities in life from him, but the extras will be few and far between now. She's old enough to understand mutual respect and not just using people for what is convenient for her.

If teens don't "work at the relationship with their parents" then what kind of adult will they turn out to be? I'm amazed at how you seem to think raising kids works. She's 3 years away from adulthood, at what point does she start learning how to be an adult? 18? Because that's a bit too late.