Ok.I think I feel the end?
For a few years now, we have been on again off again happy. A lot of our issue revolved around dhs obvious favoritism to ss as his name sake although dh vehemently denies. Fast forward and Ss is now approaching an age within the next year or two where he will probably be allowed by BM to come live with us. I think knowing this I am coming to terms with ending my marriage. BM has denied any long stay. Any real parent involvement since they split. We offered to have him come live here before she states "we are a package my kids can't be without me". Wouldn't ya know. Now that ss hormones are simmering and he's turning into a young man.. NOW SHE wants to flip my household upside down again and say "he can come live with yall now at the end of the year" of course there would be no point in fighting to end cs because he'd be 18 by the time the case was finalized.
Every time I turn around ss is brought up by dh. It's like because our bios are with us he doesn't see how much he really doesn't know em anymore. Ss begged for a cell phone for 2 years. At first dh was going to put him on our bill. I vetoed that because we already pay cs to a lowly money vacuum who literally only seems to be cordial come holidays and birthdays.
Anyway, for two years I heard dh on and off talk about how sweet ss wanted a cell phone. Well what do you know. He goes and buys a unlocked phone for a couple hundred just to be ss hero on his birthday. Weeks later before he even thinks about buying bio anything for the school year start ss finally contacted him after weeks of not saying a word even after he got his phone... ss asks "can I come over?" "When I come can I get my hair cut?" Dh obliged.. (BM will refuse to take him to get his hair cut until DH caves) then ss says "mom said can you get us some shoes since she's doing bad right now" Dh wakes up that weekend picks him up schedules the haircut and off to get him Jordan's and other exp shoes. He grabs bio a pair too knowing better than to return and you haven't even school shopped for him yet! DH said BM asking lined up with his usual time of buying shoes for school.
Anyway I just wanted to vent. A diary. We get frowned upon for choosing this life but then regretting the unforeseen.
The Disneyland dad I used to
The Disneyland dad I used to deal with was quite similar
His ex breeder was just as delusional as he was and she conveniently had crisises that prevented her from doing her job as a parent making him default to picking those kids up; taking them places; buying them things that they would end up losing or destroying a short time later
He was so focused on his kids "suffering" that he over compensated to the expense of everything else and I could no longer envision a future with him if he refused to change.
Well he refused to change so I left.
Got tired of his no boundary manipulative ex wife and kids using him and our peaceful quiet home as their personal 24/7 respite center
We offered to have him come
That screams self-centered co-dependent
Unless ss is a breastfeeding infant ..... newsflash to his delusional mother = ss can exist without her! She chose to divorce so now her kids live in at least 2 homes sometimes without her....
My SO was like this with SDs
My SO was like this with SDs now 24 and 27. I think of it as "lost little boy/girl" syndrome. The parent who is prevented from seeing the kid gets this idealized picture of them in their mind, and they pine away for a person they think they knew and lost. The truth is, they don't really know them at all.
My SO "rescued" SD24 from BM1 around age 17. There was one good year, a "honeymoon" phase. I wasn't around for that but saw the FB pics of all the daddy/daughter date nights. Then the fighting began. It had been going on about a year by the time i came around. The screaming and crying was like something out of the Exorcist. She finally "ran away" at age 21, and bounced back a few times.
You have kids with this guy, right? I would try counseling before breaking up a family. You are right to be concerned, though. The next few years will suck if your DH suffers from "lost little boy" syndrome.
He is the father
A hair cut ..shoes.. some extra things. You can't expect CS to cover everything. That part of SP ing. That comes under you should of known. Birthday gifts, Christmas,holidays gifts. School money. No one saids you had to be a SP, Nobody is stopping you from ,leaving. Have BM contrail your home is disrespectful to you.
He is the father
A hair cut ..shoes.. some extra things. You can't expect CS to cover everything. That part of SP ing. That comes under you should of known. Birthday gifts, Christmas,holidays gifts. School money. No one saids you had to be a SP, Nobody is stopping you from ,leaving. Have BM contrail your home is disrespectful to you.
To keep it simple..
Unless otherwise stipulated in the CO, CS does cover the NCP's entire duty of support for their child except when the child is with the NCP. The NCP must feed and house the kid when the kid is on visitation with the NCP. Purchasing clothing or anything else is not the responsibility of the CS paying NCP. Hhose things are included in the CS paid to the CP.
We were spanked by the Court on this one. We attempted to get half of the costs of extracurriculars from the NCP. The judge made it clear that unless otherwise specifically ordered in the CO, CS was all the NCP is required to lpay in support of their COD kid. In our CO the only additional duty owed by the NCP was half of visitation travel costs (each party was to pay to get the kid to their location), and half of any medical costs not covered by insurance.
Shoes and clothing are on the CP and part of what the NCP pays CS to the CP to provide to their joint children.