Sharing with Skids

My days of sharing with SD13 are finally over.

When I first met DH, SD was only 6. But that didn't stop DH from thinking SD had a right to everything of mine that she wanted.

We had many fights about it and I won must of the battles. Well, last skid weekend I finally won the war.

As I've stated several times recently, we are still paying BM CS for both children even though we have SS full time now. BM also refuses to use CS on the children. This means we pay for everything. DH had a $4 pay cut last summer and didn't modify CS and we recently purchased a home that is $500 more than our rent was. Needless to say, money is tight right now.

About a month ago, DH tells me that SD needs new shoes. I don't believe it because I just bought her shoes in Dec. I tell him that BM is going to have to buy them. That was the end of the conversation and I thought the case was closed. Oh how naïve of me.

Last skid weekend, I lying in bed trying to nap. DH comes in and tells me he is going out to buy some new work boots (he's needed boots for months now) I ask him if he wants me to go. Oh, no because SD is going and he is buying her new shoes too. Ok, now I'm wide awake and mad. DH goes outside to do water his garden and I remember seeing a pair of my running shoes DH hounded me into giving SD in her room a few days prior (a pair of New Balance shoes).

So, while DH was outside I told SD to bring ALL her shoes out into the living room because we may as well get rid of the ones that don't fit. She brings out 4 old pair that were never tossed for whatever reason, but not the shoes I gave her. I ask for the New Balance shoes. She acts like she doesn't know what I'm talking about. I ask her several more times and tell her I KNOW she has them. I told her I was just in her room a few days prior and I KNOW those shoes were in there. I said she had 5 minutes to bring them out. If she didn't I was going to find them and she was going to clean up the mess I made looking.

She gets mad and stomps off. I hear things crashing around in her room and DH comes back in the house. I just tell him that I asked her to bring out her old shoes to get rid of. So, out come the New Balance shoes that I paid $60 for. And guess what. They fit her. No need to go buy her brand new shoes.

She was not happy. I don't think DH was either but there wasn't anything he could say about it. He is the one that guilted me into giving her the shoes in the first place. Now she can wear them....And just so you understand SD, she only wears pink and black shoes. That's why she didn't want the New Balance shoes. They aren't pink and black.

I told DH later that night after he took SD back to BM's what actually happened and how she lied to my face about not having the shoes. His reponse, well she probably just doesn't want to wear used shoes. Great, I never have to "loan" her my used stuff again.

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Your guess is a good as mine

Your guess is a good as mine on that one.

I would put my foot down on

I would put my foot down on this one, no pun intended.

It is RIDICULOUS that he is paying CS for a kid who lives with him. And I do mean RIDICULOUS!!

Mine did it too.... I think

Mine did it too.... I think he figured the only way BM would "allow" it without a big battle would be if she still got her CS.

Oh yes, my skids BM's house

Oh yes, my skids BM's house is also a black hole.

Last year, DH and SD come to me with grins on their faces. DH asking me if SD could "borrow" my white Keds. And then proceeds to say "She already tried them on so we know they fit her"

I suppressed my anger and said yes, she could but I wanted them back.

Oh my, you would have thought I punched the girl. DH got so mad because I actually wanted my shoes back. He said fine! He will just go buy her a pair. And he did. And she wore them ONE time.

(SHUDDER) Oh I remember those

(SHUDDER) Oh I remember those days. At 9 1/2 years old, Dominatrix (SD18) was the same size as I was and she would go home with my clothing, never to be seen again (the clothing)

my thoughts exactly. I don't

my thoughts exactly. I don't lend out my clothes or shoes ever to anyone. If SO and SD came at me with that crap, I think I would have a laughing hysteria fit lol.

My DH's EX was also really

My DH's EX was also really lax in the shoe department. I felt bad for the girls since they would only have like one pair of shoes at a time!

They were only my size for a brief moment in time. Both ended up wearing 2 or 3 sizes larger..lol.

I did let them borrow a pair of boots from time to time, but not my regular shoes. I also wouldn't have given them a pair of shoes I bought for myself. I would have bought them a pair though.

I've never had anyone try to

I've never had anyone try to borrow my shoes before DH and SD came along. I don't have small feet but everyone else I know always seem to have larger feet so maybe that is why? Or they don't feel entitled to my stuff like SD does?

Hey Clever, a few years ago,

Hey Clever, a few years ago, I bought a new comforter for DH's and my bed. NOT for the skids. The old one was getting threadbare and some seams were loose. I was out of town the next time the skids came. I return home to the same old comforter on our bed...

...and the BRAND NEW comforter on PigPen's bed, and full of p!ss.

That's right. DH gave the brand-spanking-new-never-used-by-us comforter to The Prince of P!ss, PigPen. I was FURIOUS. I haven't bought a new blanket or comforter since then. The old one is still on our bed, getting shabbier and more threadbare. That new one? I threw it away. My money; my choice. No amount of washing, bleaching, soap would ever take away the knowledge that PigPen had p!ssed all over it.

Damn, babybugged, it was a

Damn, babybugged, it was a comforter. DH admits it was a mistake and apologized (and paid me the price for the comforter). And while sex is great, it's the MAN I love. If we couldn't have sex, I'd stay with him because of his other qualities.

That sucks, hon. {{hugs}}

What the hell is up with

What the hell is up with stepparents being called selfish for not wanting to do or give things to unrelated kids??? Seriously that drives me friggin crazy!! The amount of times i've been called selfish for not giving something of mine to SD to use or even for friggin traveling out of town for work. DHs family likes to think it's selfish of me to be gone so much. Like hello... she's not my kid and even if she was, I need to work!!

I got called selfish a couple years back when we were dating and I had a bunch of throw blankets. She would wet the bed and DH would give her one of my throw blankets in the middle of the night because her blankets were peed on. I lost it. Excuse me but I pay good money at stores like anthropologie where a throw blanket can run up to $100 - i don't need them peed on. Not only that but if your child wets the bed so much, buy extra blankets for her!! Mine are either expensive or sentimental.

One time she took a teddy bear from my room when she was young and I got really upset. DH was all "it's just a teddy bear" until I explained to him that my dad bought it for me when I was young, before his PTSD made him too sick to spend time with me, so it's important. But before I explained, I got called selfish!!! Like why? How is it selfish to want our own things that don't get used or peed on by unrelated children?

I'm ranting but holy hell it drives me crazy. If your kid needs something and YOU don't buy it/provide it, maybe you're the selfish one, not me.

Yes, Clever, DH apologized

Yes, Clever, DH apologized and reimbursed me for the comforter. I'm not buying a new one until EOWe skid visits are a thing of the past.

Me, three. Why don't the

Me, three. Why don't the skids just raid our undergarments, clothing, socks, makeup, BCPs...

Sd10, she is ALWAYS borrowing

Sd10, she is ALWAYS borrowing my stuff. Leggings, and tanks. But she asks first. She somewhow acquired a sweatshirt of mine from SD18, and I just told her "keep it, it looks good on you, but it WAS mine. I got it at a garage sales! For 3$"

Im like, well its just stuff. But when it comes to the black hole of BM house, I get a little miffed. So works hard, but doesn't pay child support. He just buys what they need. And then buys more. When they lose it or its at "Moms house and she cant find it". Like her Jordan's that were "only $20". Im like, well, you should make an effort to find them, because you need more than one, these are getting dirty. I try not to get excited about it, but BM is such a lazy POS, and SD10 is on the way to becoming entitled, like her sister and mother are. That part is stressful.

Yuck to borrowing the shoes.

So you dh likes to play good cop bad cop?

Just the phrase "sharing with

Just the phrase "sharing with the skids" makes me want to go ballistic after my recent experience with SS and GF who decided to just help themselves to my home and everything in it while we were on vacation.

As far as I am concerned they can go eat poop (but I really mean the stronger word) and die. They no longer even have access to my grass clippings. We recently took down our gazebo and put up a whole new one. The old one is still functional. DH hasn't even breathed a word about giving it to SS. He knows better.

I would be so mad if I was in

I would be so mad if I was in your shoes. They violated your home and stole from you.

He's afraid of BM. That's

He's afraid of BM. That's why he hasn't changed it. That and he's LAZY.

I bring up the CS every single time he wants to buy something for skids now. Sorry, can't afford it. Hopefully he'll get tired of it and get the CS changed.

Ugh, my SO used to be afraid

Ugh, my SO used to be afraid of BM too b/c she would constantly threaten to take us to court. I finally put my foot down and said, "let her take you to court!" I mean really, so she can go in there and tell the judge that the reason they are there is b/c she doesn't want his fiance to watch SD but her live in bf can watch SD...or whatever ridiculous demand she was making wasn't being met! Let her tell that to the judge.

It used to piss me off so bad that he would fold and give into her demands because it was easier to keep her happy...UM HELLO what about the person you are with now?!? Shouldn't that take precedence over the ex?!?! I put my foot down on him standing up to her or me leaving. It took time but he finally did. He realized that she was just making empty threats to get her way and it put an end to that.

On the SD borrowing shoes I completely understand your frustration. Up until a few months ago my SD had the same size as me and would always want to borrow my shoes and I would refuse and SO wouldn't understand...well b/c they are mine and she has 50 pairs that mommy bought her already and she has no respect for other's property and would ruin them by slipping them on and walking around with the back part squished b/c she is to lazy to untie her shoes and put them on properly! NO!!!!

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Good for you, Ninji. What a

Good for you, Ninji. What a crock! I sweat in my shoes. I put my bare feet in my shoes...after they've been sweated in many, many times. The thought of someone wearing MY shoes (or wearing used shoes)? EFF THAT. You may as well buy used skivvies, used hairbrushes and combs, used toothbrushes, used drinking straws, used toilet paper..... Yeah.

Thankfully, SD19 grew out of

Thankfully, SD19 grew out of being able to fit into my clothes around the age of 15 or so. Of course she had no problem stealing my clothes prior to that (if you all don't remember I busted her when she was trying to sell them months later on Craigslist) I know her feet are bigger than mine too, so again I don't have to worry about that.

What I DO have to worry about is my makeup and hair products. Nope. I buy expensive shit...because I can, I have a good job. Not buying expensive stuff so an ungrateful snot can use 3x more than needed and/or steal my shit. Then I go to use it and it's gone. Nope. So I hide all my stuff. I also hide my tampons because same thing, if I don't she'll just help herself and then when I need them... *poof* gone. Nope.

Aw. Princess doesn't want to

Aw. Princess doesn't want to wear used shoes?

Maybe she can get a job when she's old enough and buy her own stuff, then?

That's the best part. She

That's the best part. She had a birthday last month. Between that and Christmas she got about $150 from all the grandparents.

She cracked her phone and I told DH that we weren't replacing it. She could use her own money. She spent it all on junk food at school. Guess the phone wasn't that important when she had to pay for it.

lol. This used to be my

lol. This used to be my favorite thing with the skids *sarcasm*

They'd get tons of money at Christmas and their birthdays from DH's parents. Like $300-500 per kid, per event. A week later, they'd be asking us for stuff and DH is ready to pull out the wallet for this thing or that thing.

I asked...why don't they pay to go to that movie themselves? Huff, huff...well, they shouldn't have to spend their BIRTHDAY money on it!!! Me: "Uh. Why not. They want to go out with their friends...sounds like a perfect use of birthday funds to me..."

Like, really? Why should I spend my hard-earned money on skid entertainment and other indulgences is the better question.

LOL same as my DH. (There

LOL same as my DH. (There really must be a Disney Dad book these guys are reading)

Took SD to the mall to spend some of her money. Oh no, she forgot it. So I end up paying for a poster she wanted (it was $8) with the understanding that she would pay me back. On the way home DH suggested that I just let SD work off the $8 with chores.

This is right after I kept both skids for Christmas break because we moved and I needed help cleaning the old house before we turned in the keys. I asked SD to clean her and SS's old bathroom. Time to leave and she tells me it's done. The next day I have to go back and pick up a few items we couldn't fit in the car. Double check all the rooms. Skids bathroom is a disaster. SHE STOOD in the bathroom that entire time I thought she was cleaning and did NOTHING. Then came out and lied to my face and said it was clean.

So, No. I'm not letting her work it off. Took her a month to pay me the $8 back.

Ha! Yes. The old "the skids

Ha!

Yes. The old "the skids will 'work' this off with chores" routine. I have fallen victim to that many, many times.

If I wanted to overpay for half-assed chores I'd have my own damn kids.

DH was especially bad about this for SS. Currently, he still owes us some chores for a bike, a laptop, and a trip. Not holding my breath.

(PS. I make a lot more than my DH...so I should say my SS owes me...)

The first time DH ever

The first time DH ever thought it'd be cute if SD borrowed my hat and wore it to school, I friggin lost it. She was about 4 years old and I yelled at him to no end. I told him that no way in hell would I support her having free for all access to all of my expensive things. I pay good money, because I work friggin hard at my job to earn good money, for all the things I buy and she's NOT being taught to use those things without permission. He hasn't lent her anything since lol.

She doesn't use my shampoo, hair brush, anything - she has to have her own and if she runs out, well DH, time for you to run to the store cause you're not using my $30 shampoo on a 5 year old's head. I know it sounds ridiculous but that's just a deal breaker for me. I already share my space, time, money, everything with my stepdaughter I'm not sharing my personal items that I buy for myself. I buy her clothes and crap, why does she need to take mine?

Thankfully DH is on-board these days lol

SDs do not borrow my stuff.

SDs do not borrow my stuff. We went through a period of a shared bathroom and me ending up losing makeup, makeup brushes, cleansers, etc..."What's the bid deal...?" So nope, locked things up and/or put them in our bedroom.

I don't have to lock personal things up any longer - they are particular about shampoo, conditioner, soap, etc. and don't want my smelly stuff (i.e. french soap, my splurge, and my brown clay shampoo - yay for me!). So DH gets to buy it all.

And SD13 was wearing a t-shirt of mine once (ONCE) two years ago and the look on my face when I got home must have freaked her out because after seeing me, and my discussion with her, she has never, ever done it again. I'll loan her gloves or a hat or a raincoat IF I am with her and can get them back right after she's done otherwise NO.

BM doesn't buy them clothes, or enough clothes. She's cheap. DH doesn't think about it. So I only assist if DH gives me money to do it. Nothing of mine is ever spent on clothing for the SDs. The items tend to disappear.

CS? What's that? DH just

CS? What's that? DH just convinced BM2 to pay a whole £20 per week for school lunches. So she promptly said she wasn't paying for 2 weeks because SS14 is on Easter break. Yeah cuz ya know he doesn't eat food when he's at home *eyeroll*

SS would try and use my shampoos in the shower as he's too lazy to replace a bottle of his own. I flat out told him I'm not letting him use my expensive shampoos as he goes through a bottle every couple of days yet his hair is never clean. If he didn't stop touching my stuff, I'd own his video games and he'd have to work to pay anything back that he used. He promptly stopped as Dog forbid extra work be involved...he ain't about that life.

Aergia once took my jacket by

Aergia once took my jacket by 'accident" well that was the last time ever lol.....

My ExSD actually tried my

My ExSD actually tried my shoes on.

I am Petite and wear size 6.5 and she is tall and wears 9.5-10 wide. When she was busted in the garage and ex yelled at her she said "I didn't know they are SM's shoes" wtf ???? Who else's?

She had the same excuse when stealing my body products or make up. "I didn't know they are yours". Who
Else's??????

Did she think fairies brought

Did she think fairies brought these things for her?

And who can't tell a 6.5 shoe from a 9.5/10 wide?

Is she still in "medical school"?

Lol She is in residency,

Lol She is in residency, finishing I think. Lol it's been three years. I recently talked to exSO and he mentioned residency, I certainly did not ask. I recently had death in a family and he called to express sympathy. That's ok but why bring up ex Sd?

She did it out of general stupidity, not because she thought shoes would fit. She did so many crazy things. Hard to comprehend why.

I do not want SS to ever benefit from one dollar of our assets.

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