Not Invited to Graduation
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So, I just found out my husband was planning on going to SD graduation out of state without me. I don't know what to feel. I had asked him about it a month or so ago and was told she could only have 3 attendees due to covid. I understand that but I thought we could go together then take her out to dinner or something afterward. I feel so disrespected but at the same time kind of numb like I just don't care.
I’m sorry
That would hurt me as well. It sounds like you are understanding that she can only have three people (is that including her? If not, that's an odd number... no pun intended), but upset that you couldn't go to the city she is graduating in and celebrate with her afterward and that is totally reasonable. Your DH has some explaining to do.
My understanding is that it's
My understanding is that it's 3 guests, not including the graduate. I thought that was an odd number as well. Now I'm wondering if someone's not being completely honest.
Seriously Seriously7
Its 4 my bet.
Call the school and ask . That way you will know.
Very hurtful of your DH not to let you come along even though you arent part of the "3" (yea right!) tickets. He may be hiding something.
Do you have a cordial relationship with BM SD ? Is BM a big problem on a good day? Could stem from her.
I've never met BM. She and SD
I've never met BM. She and SD have lived out of state since my husband and I met 6 years ago. SD was 13 when we met. We don't see her often because of the living situation but I thought SD and I had a cordial relationship. Not close but cordial and respectful.
In a way...
This shows you where you rank, for better or worse. At least now you know.
DH should have asked you to go with him, even if you couldn't go to the graduation. You should tell him you feel very minimized by not even travelling with him.
Did you tell your husband you
Did you tell your husband you'd like to accompany him and you understand you won't be able to attend the ceremony itself and that's OK with you? Do you think that SD doesn't want you there and/or DH is going to be celebrating with BM or other family and that's why he's not asking you? Or is he concerned that you'd be uncomfortable if you were there but couldn't attend?
I did tell him about a month
I did tell him about a month ago and he hadn't said anything else about it until yesterday. And that was after me asking about it. Now I'm stressing about his ex. Does she want to see him? Does he not want me there because of that? Is he hiding me for some reason? I my opinion it's not ok for your husband to hang out with an ex and their child without you being there. That's just so disrespectful to me.
Did you tell him again you'd
Did you tell him again you'd like to go? Has he told you you can't go? He's probably not hiding you or wanting to meet up with his ex - more likely it's easier and more comfortable for HIM if you're not there. But that's not how a partnership works. He should have discussed this with you so you'd understand what he's doing and why he's doing it, and he would know if it was unacceptable to you. A true partner doesn't just up and take a trip alone without discussing it with his spouse. You need to let him know this is NOT OK with you.
Even if it had nothing to do
Even if it had nothing to do with the ex YOUR HUSBAND SHOULD NOT LEAVE TOWN WITHOUT SAYING SOMETHING! This is not normal. At the very least it's not healthy
I'm sorry you had to get hurt like that
Call the school. They will
Call the school. They will give you the information regarding number of guests per graduate for the ceremony. If someone is bullshitting, bare their ass, go with your DH, and radiantly beam your happiness on his arm. Dress to the nines, get a make over, and if people get shitty, call them on it.
We learned early on the blended family battle field to not take anything the opposition says at face value, to verify, and to bring the pain when they bullshit and manipulate. The one they played regularly was "oh, his flight is canceled and we could not get him another flight for X more days." Even though the Judge ruled clearly that SS could not miss school for visitation and that he traveled on their time and not ours. All it ever took to get the facts was one 10 minute call and... poof, a rebooked flight departing in a few hours. The ridiculous thing is that we made all of the flight arrangements for every SKid visitation to SpermLand, we held top airline frequent flyer status on several airlines, and one call and we knew the bullshit and the solution. We would then call my FIL and my DW's BFF's father (who was the county Sheriff or city Chief of Police for more than 30 years in SpermLand) who would have the Skid hunted down in a hurry. They would pull up to restaurants, the SpermClan's church, at their home, etc... to collect the SKid and the he would make his rebooked flight home.
The public humiliation aspect of our solution tended to shut them down for a while. For some reason their memory of the consequences of bullshit would fade over a few years and they would try the same crap again. With the same result.
Make the call to the school. Act on what you find out. Either it is confirmed that there are only 3 guests allowed in which case you can quit worrying about being played. If that is bullshit.... have fun!
So I didn't call the school
So I didn't call the school but I did look it up and it says there are 10 guest allowed. I asked my husband earlier if he was sure there were only 3 guests allowed and he got upset and said yes because of covid. So now I don't know if he's been given incorrect information or if he's lying to me. I just don't know what to think right now. I feel as though anything involving SD turns into this huge dramatic mess.
A bias for action.... take it!
Print out the page on the website that clearly shows that it is from the school's .edu website and includes the "10 guests per graduate" information, highlight that line, and at the first opportunity hand it to your DH and tell him that the 3 guests due to Covid thing is not true. Then comment that the "3 guests per graduate" crap is bullshit, ask him who told him that? Either BM or the Skid lied to him, or if he is lying to you. Observe his behavior closely. You are his wife. You know his tells when he is bullshitting you. Direct the resulting conversation from that point forward. Now that you have determined that the number is 10 and not 3, go with him. Arrive early, there is no need to sit with the Skid's other guests, and if they actually keep track of the guests per graduate numbers your and DH's early arrival will be someone else's problem if there are already 10 butts allocated for the seats. After the ceremony you can meet up the Skid, congratulate her, find out if there is any plan for a post graduation evening at a local eatery, then go to that as well. I am not one to tolerate toxic exclusion. I am fine with being present... even if my presence is uncomfortable for someone else. Just my thing I guess.
Do not stew on this and piss yourself off any more than you already are. Take action, resolve the issue.
You owe that to yourself. Deliver on that personal debt to you.
Good luck.
That is an odd number of
That is an odd number of tickets, and I'd investigate that. But I'd be LIVID if my DH planned a trip out of town without so much as discussing it with me. That's not what partners do, and of course you're left with all kinds of questions.
What was he going to do, just get up one morning, tell you forgot he had this trip planned, then be gone?
Pretty sure if he insisted on going without me the locks would be changed by the time he came back.
On the fence...
When SD22 Feral Forger graduated high school, I was not invited. So, I made my peace with it.
Husband on the other hand, wanted me there as his "support system", so he told FF that "she had better get a ticket for Clove or I will not be there...!"
The drama! His sister, who was invited, reliquished her ticket, which was refused. She didnt even make it!
She got a ticket and handed it to me "I standed in line a really long time to get this, I hope your happy".
I ended up shorting my hours to get there early, sitting on a hard bench in the hot sun for 3 freaking hours, didnt get a thank you at all, and she took off to go with her cousins after the requisit photo op and flower lei from dad that I had him buy. And the money grab, of course.
So, I would book something really freaking awesome for MYSELF, buy something really awesome for MYSELF, spend time with my girl squad or whatever. If you arent invited, f@ck them.
But on the other side, I would talk to the husband and find out what the deal is. If he wants me to go. Do you really want to be the graduation ticket police and call the school and research? If "someone" was lying about the ticket and number of people, then I would feel strange about insisting on my presence, especially since you do not have a relationship with SD. But its weird that your husband didnt tell you. Something to consider.
No wonder you are hurt! Im sorry you had to go through that. I know it didnt feel at all good when FF didnt have a ticket for me either.
This is on DH
I am sure he can get a ticket for you. He not trying to get you there. Schools knows about mult parent / child relationship
They have to accumulate you
I'd call the school and
I'd call the school and confirm. Not because I want an invitation but I want to know exactly whose pulling what. DH not communicating with you or acting thoughtlessly is a marital problem that you'll need to address. He should be really sorry about that one
If the school tells you anything other than 3 then you either have an honesty problem as well with DH or SD/BM are not as cordial as you thought. Either way it's good to know where you stand.