No, you do not have control over me or anything in my house
So there is nothing in the court order saying the kids mother gets phone calls. But my husband has been trying to not rock the boat and when she calls we hand the phone to the kids.
However, recently we have been getting hang ups. So we have started tracking the calls through the phone company. Our best guess is that the kids mentioned this to their mom, because this is what's happening now:
Phone rings, if I answer, the call is silent and disconnects. I trace it. Then my husband gets an email onoourfamilywizard saying that I am hanging up on her and not letting her talk to the kids and he needs to handle this situation or she is going to take legal action.
If my husband answers the phone she just asks for the kids.
So it LOOKS like I am being difficult and stirring up shit when it is her trying to stop me from answering my own phone in my own home!
My husband responded back to her that she is free to take legal action if she desires, there is nothing saying he has to let her talk to the kids during his time anyways.
But I hate it that she is so high conflict that it looks like I am causing problems. Am I never to answer my own phone just to avoid her? I mean come on, it is my home.
Yes you do have to let the
Yes you do have to let the kids talk to the other parent during visitation. I had this problem with my ex and I brought it up in court and the judge corrected him by letting him know he had to allow the kids the right to talk to their mother when she called. She said I could take legal action against him if he kept it up. we lived in different states so I corrected the problem by getting them prepaid cell phones. had a few more issues with him taking the cell phones from them then and the judge again told him he could go to jail over taking the cell phone away from his child and not letting them talk to the other parent.
Get a caller ID and let the kids pick up the phone to her!!!!Makes it easy.
This is crazy. Who pays for
This is crazy. Who pays for the phone? Skids? Yeah, didn't think so.
Edited: Sorry, just saw that you were the one who paid for the phones. But still my argument remains, why should he be forced to allow BM and kids use a phone he and/or I pay for? That part is still crazy to me.
We were informed that was not
We were informed that was not the case for us for shorter visits.
We give her a call out of common curtesy, but if it's less than a week she doesn't have to get one at all. & if it's more than that as long as we let Sd call once or twice a week we're fine. We let BM talk to SD nightly at bedtime because we think that's appropriate.
Do you have call display? I
Do you have call display? I think it might be worth the investment in your case. Whenever our phone rings and it's SS's Dad, we just tell SS to go pick up the phone.
I didn't realize people still
I didn't realize people still had land lines.
My husband refuses to answer
My husband refuses to answer the phone to my kid's dad. Get the caller ID and let them answer it. Use your cell phone. She probably misses her kids. When your a mom and use to the kids around and then they go to their dad's you feel alone and you start missing them right away. Maybe she doesn't want to talk you as much as you don't want to talk to her. Kinda childish, but we all have done stupid stuff, just let the kids or your husband answer it.
I am not a bio-mom so I may
I am not a bio-mom so I may get attacked for this but I totally agree. I do not know the feeling of not having my child around but I see the affects that it put on the child.
My DH will suggest us all going to a movie as something special for SS as it doesn't happen often. Most of the time SS will say something along the line of "My mom said she wanted to see that with me I'm gonna miss her if we go see it" There is several other occasions he relates to and shows sympathy for BM making us not even want to do them most activities in town as we normally try to go do things in surrounding towns but it isn't always financially possible and then it turns into about BM.
I have even heard DH tell SS when he gets off the phone that our house is his house to it isn't just 'dads house' and his response was "My mom told me that her house is my only house" DH will point out that he has two houses that are his and SS responded along the lines of "Mom would be sad if I said that, because it isn't her house, and I can't say 'our house' because that would include SBM and my mom doesn't like her I don't want to hurt her feelings".
Mind you SS will be 6 in a little less than a month and he feels guilt because of BM, he doesn't want to do or mention things because of her self victimization.
Caller id costs extra. And we
Caller id costs extra.
And we don't have an answering machine.
We only got the house phone because she was abusing our cell phones.
It only receives calls and can only dial out to 911.
We had a cell phone for the kids but she used it to bully the kids so we got rid of it.
Or leave the phone unplugged
Or leave the phone unplugged until the 'calling hour' - whatever timeframe you feel is appropriate to allow BM to call. Then your husband or the skids can answer any calls.
You're in charge of your house.
Revisit your phone plan. I
Revisit your phone plan. I know that I have a house line because it was cheaper to have it (with all the bells and whistles- caller ID, TV Caller ID, voicemail) than to have cable and internet without it. Basically it saved me $10/month to HAVE a phone line.
GET GOOGLE VOICE OR MAGICJACK
GET GOOGLE VOICE OR MAGICJACK INSTEAD
This is why I am so happy BM
This is why I am so happy BM decided to be a bitch and get the no communication order. She can no longer call my phone, and if DH has left his phone and he isn't around I can either pick up and hand it to SS, or I can be a bitch which I do most of the time as sometimes she will call excessively and let it ring until DH is around so SS can call her back. She started stuff one time when he said that he had left the phone in the truck with me and said "Well she is denying letting me talk to my son, all she has to do is hand him the phone". DH made the response that as she doesn't always let it ring through before she keeps calling back I would have to say "hang on" while I got SS's attention, or that most of the time SS is busy doing something else so I would have to tell him to talk to his mom (something we have to do frequently because she usually calls at times he is preoccupied, or so many times he just doesn't want to talk to her as all it is is her trying to say she loves him and get a play by play of his day). I'm sure she would be okay with this form of communication but I refuse to do it and I think she has now learned that it is all on DH and I have no obligation to answer if he leaves his phone - she can go to court all day over it I will defend that I actually have a professional job and cannot risk legal trouble over something minor.
It sounds like she's most
It sounds like she's most likely one of few people calling the phone, soooooooo I think your statement of not being able to answer your phone in your own house is a bit silly when you can count the ppl on your hand that have that number and you know that in all probability it's her.
If the kids are old enough to answer the phone then let them. Or just don't answer it. There is no law that says you have to answer your phone each time it rings.
It actually sounds like you and your spouse are going to a lot of stupid trouble over something that's not a big deal at all. Or that could be avoided.
I hate spending hours on the phone with the phone company!!!
Sure it's your phone and your house. There is no need to have a pissing contest, maybe the woman doesn't want to talk to you plain and simple. I'm not sure why you think she's just causing problems when she hasn't actually done anything except hang up on you. Maybe she feels that you don't want her calling or that there is some animosity. Don't be that person. Just let it go. This is not worth your time or trouble. Concentrate on the bigger things. This is nuthin!!
I have BM blocked from
I have BM blocked from calling our home phone. This is our home and she has no right to call it EVER. Kid or no Kid. When she wants to talk to her daughter she texts DH telling him to have SD call her. She used to call here and she would be VERY rude and disrespectful to me when I answered so I put an end to it immediately.
If she is calling and hanging
If she is calling and hanging up, then set up scheduled times for the calls. Your DH knows when she's calling and she can't say you're hanging up on her or denying that time.
BM only calls SS phone...I
BM only calls SS phone...I would stop feeding into her games. Get the kid a disposable phone that you put up until needed and then she only talks to the kid.
I don't know about the laws
I don't know about the laws where you are, but I don't understand why she thinks she's allowed to call the house during the time that the skids are with you anyway? Barring them being with you for two weeks at a time or something, I cannot imagine any reason that I would need to call my son at his dad's house everyday. Sure I miss him, but I'm only intruding on that family if I force myself in by calling him frequently. It is my opinion that this birth mom is just being selfish and trying to control your house.
Sorry that you have to deal with that!
The PASinator BM views the
The PASinator BM views the child as an extension of themselves and not a separate individual. Thus the "need" to call them. Coming up next: BM schedules all sorts of extra curricular activities for the kiddies on dad's time. After all, dad can't possibly be trusted with HER children on his own time and if they're kicking a soccer ball around all (dad's) weekend long, that's zero bonding time with dad and SM. And it can be under the guise of "FOR THE CHILDREN" (TM)
Let me guess, here's how the convo goes:
(RING RING) BM calling
BM: "I need to talk to MY kids!"
skids: "Yes, mom?"
BM: "Oh mommmy misses you soooooooo much; do you know how HURT mommy is when you go to your father's house?"
skids: "um. . ."
BM: "Now you hurry home because mommy has BIG PLANS and a SURPRISE for you! It will be MUCH MORE fun that over there at your FATHER'S house (derogatory tone)!"
skid:"well, ok"
BM: "Mommy loves you and remember that dad or that woman can't tell you what to do! Hurry home! MOMMY LOOOOVVEEEES YOU!!!"
BM is JUST like this. "HEY
BM is JUST like this.
"HEY BABYYYYYYYY. What's wrong???" (does not realize SD sounds sad because she HATES talking on the phone & that you interrupted her day)
"Are you ok??????? I miss you. I love you. I miss you. You sure you're ok? Mommy loves you. I miss you. I miss you more!!! Mommy has to go to work tonight. Poor mommy"
No care about how SD's day is going.
DH calls SD when she's gone for 2 weeks at a time. He just asks her how she is & how her day was. SD talks most of the conversation. Not BM.
She got really pissed this weekend because she kept calling during SD's surprise bday party & when DH finally gave the phone to SD she was just like "I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER MOM!" & ran off giggling. She immediately called DH back to yell at him. How DARE SD7 have any fun without her.
BM used to call back and ask
BM used to call back and ask DH if he was makng SS get off the phone when would be short...DH would say did you not hear him say that he was playing, riding or whatever you are doing...and she would be like "Well I'm his mom he should want to talk to me". She has since stopped but now calls more if he is being short and SS will roll his eyes when we tell him it is BM again...even he gets sick of it.
Soooooooo true. I think it's
Soooooooo true.
I think it's just BM projecting her issues onto DH because we have heard her in the background telling SD to get off the phone or telling SD what to say to DH on the phone.
Oh and the "grilling" when
Oh and the "grilling" when they get back to the BM's. "Anything BAAAAAAAAAAAAD happen when you were at your dads?". (said with baited breath by the BM with one finger on speed dial to CPS)
Or my personal favourite, Hi
Or my personal favourite,
Hi baaaabbbbbyyyyyyy girl! I love you! OMG, mommy misses you so much! I love you! so does your little sister- hold on, let me get her- she's missing you so much. I love you! She's so upset when her big sister isn't here!!!! Oh- she's crying for you! We're just waiting for Dadddddyyyyyy to let you come home so we can all be together!"
Ummm- little sister was 5 months old at the time.
Oh yeah and the patented 20
Oh yeah and the patented 20 minute "show-hug-in-the-driveway-like-they-just-returned-from-Afghanistan"
(TM)
EXACTLY! And make sure that
EXACTLY!
And make sure that you are cutting into whatever activity the other parent has planned or any family activities. Because...for SOME reason....THE MOM is the most important person EVAH!
I think you hit the nail on
I think you hit the nail on the head.
My fiance and his xwife never
My fiance and his xwife never talk anymore because the SS12 is the one who picks up Xwife's cell phone, and my fiance does the same, whens he calls the phone is handed to him ss12. There is no longer any adult communication and I have seen the consequences of this over the past 2 years. Just don't let this happen to you. As much as I like the fact that my FDH has no use of the BM, they honestly really need to still talk because things get so messed up because of it. No one knows where the sports games are because they arent informed, its all relied on the kid. Then BM plays games, sends him off to a friends house when FDH and I are at the school looking for him. I know in your case you are saying she just calls to talk to the kids but be careful it doesn't turn into this. I am sitting back and watching this and it's really not healthy. But I think, if their marriage didn't work how can I expect raising a kid separately working out??