Ok so first off this is my first time posting any kind of forum but I am out of options and I need advice and maybe someone has gone though the same thing also. So heres the run-down.

Me and my wife have been married for over 3 years now. When we met she had twins a boy and girl age 3. Things between us were great even with the kids when we would be doing things. However she was living with her parents for 2 years after leaving her childerns father (he was "supposidly" abusive towards her and the kids but the more things have come out I dont believe the whole story). Her parents were very wealthy keep in mind. The twins and I got along mostly fine due to them living at their grandparents (they could just run to them when they were mad). Keep in mind this is where I think a huge part of this issue stems from. 

The kids have always had "issues". T the boy would always fight and hit and steal things from his sister C. He would hit his mom in the face when she tried to talk to him (even hit me in the face when we were dating when I sat with him to try to explain why running his bike into my new truck causing damage was not ok and not funny which he did on purpose). He would damage things like holes in the walls of his room, breaking windows damaging toys and ripping up books over and over just anything he could he would destory purposly even after being told not to.  C plays the role of sorry to say total mini-bitch teen but then miss innocent to get whatever she wants. She was only 3 with the attitude of a 16 year old head cheerleader from Mean Girls. She however didnt hit as much and destory as much just attitude. Their mother would not do a damn thing (which should have been a huge red flag for me) to displine them. I dont know if it was trying to let them get away with murder so she could be better then the father, again I dont know. Their grandparents would give them whatever they would want and baby the kids even when they destroyed everything up pretty much no disipline. Their grandfather was the only one who would get mad at T when he would steal his tools and then damage the house. Any holidays were gifts gifts gifts even the smallest dumbest ones. Christmas time was lets say was disquisting in my eyes. Each child had I would say a pick-up truck load of presents worth.

Now the situation with the father. He is almost the same as my wife. His parents pay for everything he works but his parents bought him his house and all that blah blah. Not that it matters to me because its his life good for him. However he has threatened me just for well being alive I guess, casued a bunch of drama over nothing. He has taken ex gf's posestions that have been left at his house and burned them in front of the kids making them help stupid teenage things like that. When I finally got the chance to talk face to face with him explaining that "hey I am not trying to be their father, your their father and thats no way for a father to act so man up" he dropped everything and hasnt said anything since. He still is verbally demaning and you can tell doesnt care to much for the kdis.

Now when I came into the picture things with the kids slowly and slightly got better. My grandparents raised me, the WWII generation. I have had to work for everything to get where I am today. Grew up low middle class but I worked hard to live comfortably. I appreciat and respect everything I have. I had displine growing up (you did wrong man up and face the consiquences) thats how I was raised. Maybe the kids saw someone new who had structure and had things together and started to follow a little again I dont know.

Ok so now to the present situation enough with the background. My wife and I married 3 years ago. I got a house for us and we settled in. The kids too since she has primary full custody. They have their own rooms and we live comfortably since I handle manage and pay all the expenses. My wife does work but she makes less then $7k a year plus $600 a month in child support. She pays for some groceries and her own stuff (gas, cigs "energy drinks" ect) but i never see help with any bills. The kids however have been getting worse and worse since we moved in. The damage has started to come back from T and the attitude from C. They do not respect the house damage it (then I have to fix it) disrespect me and their nother hide things steal things even after being told time and time again not to. I have tried talking to them even some verbal displine since I had to get a grip on things but it only got worse. They always want me to leave and go to work they say it to my face. They wisper to their mom when they want things they know their not supposed to have cause they know she wont say no cause she just wants them to not bother her. As soon as they break something and I ask about it they either instantly break down and either scream and yell (or cry if their around their grandmother or mother) or blame eachother or someone else. Now that they are 6 and in first grade T had to go to doctors casue the school even saw his issues and said he needs to or he has to go to a different school. They have gotten in trouble more times in their first real year of school then I ever did. This year got expelled from the bus for fighting not listening to the driver and C even threatened to "KILL a girl" on the bus who just so happens lives right down from us. Now I have to wave to that girls father everyday when I pass and its embarissing even though I am not the father and can only do so much I feel embarresed and what did my wife do when this happened? She took away TV for 3 days...they got EXPELLED FROM THE BUS FOR 6 MONTHS FOR THREATING TO KILL A GIRL AND FIGHT WITH OTHER KIDS??? She never does anything and theres nothing I can do due to the custody agreement with the court that I cannot do anything in the displine of the kids. I have tried to talk to my wife that she needs to step up to the plate and do something about the kids but she never does.

I feel like I am not even welcome at my home anymore and I am the one who pays every damn bill. I feel like with my wife I am raising 3 kids who want nothing to do with me. The only time I am happy is when their not around or I am at work away but then I dread going home and walking into "hell". The kids voices now make me sick to the stomach. The happiest time in the past 2 years is when their grandparents took them all to Disney last year and I was alone for over a week. I dont know what to do. I have talked to my wife about theropy but she wants to go to her familys friend whos preacher for advice but I want someone neutral and she doesnt. I think she just wants someone to baby her and not tell her how it is. Were on the brink of a divorce but I still love her but if things dont change I dont know what to do. Any thoughts or advice??? I know my thoughts are all over the place but thats basically how I feel everyday with this situation.