New here and so angry (sorry long and ranty)
Hi all! Quick summary of my situation....Canadian wife to DH of 3 years, SD is 13 and BD is turning 1 tomorrow.
The BM is just an awful woman, bitter and hateful...still resentful over all the supposed rotten things my DH did to her when they split up 12 years ago. Since walking out on DH, the BM has married and divorced again, has another child with the 2nd ex-husband, and is currently shacked up with an out-of-work comedian who sells cars in small town Saskatchewan. BM has moved my SD around the province 6 times, and SD has had to change schools 4 times since Kindergarten. DH pays $400/mth in CS, which is more than he is obligated to according to the chart and his annual salary. BM got herself an ambulance chasing lawyer who strong-armed DH into an unreasonable CS amount (at the time, DH was earning less than $30K/year and agreed to $400/mth in CS....BM wanted $500/mth!). Despite receiving CS from both DH and her 2nd ex, plus earning her own income, BM is always broke and relies on us to buy many of the things SD needs (clothes, school supplies, shoes, etc). BM is extremely disrespectful of DH and our family to SD. She is constantly insulting DH and attempting to alienate SD from her dad and our family. It's very hard for me to see DH go through this. He was always close with SD, but now it seems as if perhaps BM is gaining more influence over SD.
We've been planning BD (bio daughter) 1st birthday party for weeks, and both SD and BM were well aware that it was happening this weekend (which also happens to be our scheduled weekend with SD). SD's birthday was in early August, and BM promised and then cancelled two separate parties for SD throughout August. So, yesterday DH calls BM to arrange travel and meeting spots to get SD for our weekend, and BM informs him that SD doesn't want to come this weekend because she's throwing SD a birthday party. SD then gets on the phone and tells her dad that she wants to go to HER part with HER friends and doesn't care about going to her baby sister's 1st birthday party. DH hung up the phone and broke down crying. Says he can't do this anymore, it's too hard, hurts too much to be constantly disappointed by the daughter he loves. But at the same time, he can't turn his back on his little girl. I'm so angry and so hurt for both my DH and my baby daughter (I know she's only 1 but this is going to be one of many things she'll miss out on sharing with her big sister). I've always loved and cared for SD, but at this moment I hate her so much. I don't care that she's 13, and still a child and not capable of making adult decisions....I hate her for making my DH so upset. And I'd happily run BM over with my car.....and then throw it in reverse and run her over again!
Anyway, sorry for the long vent....but I guess that's what this place is for. Any other SM out there have any advice for how to get over this anger? I feel like it's tearing me apart...I'm not normally this angry over anything, but seeing DH like that makes me crazy. He's a great man, a wonderful father...and that little wench doesn't deserve him right now!
And I'd happily run BM over
And I'd happily run BM over with my car.....and then throw it in reverse and run her over again!
I FEEL YOU THERE! I've been dealing with the same crap for over 16 years. I'd love to tell you that it will get better but not according to my own experience, if BM is anything like the one I have to deal with. When by skids were younger, i just kept telling myself that one day, when they get older, they will realize the impact their mother had on them and that she basically robbed them of their loving father. They are 19 and 17 now and still haven't figured it out yet but I'm still holding out hope. Good luck to you.
There is nothing more painful
There is nothing more painful than watching the man that you love crumble and being helpless to stop it or change it. I get frustrated when my DH becomes anxious and angry b/c of BM behavior.
Your SD behavior is influenced by BM and I know that you can't stand the little snot right now but try and remember that brainwashing/PAS happens and that she and your DH are victims.
As far as the BM, she will always be a major pain in the A$$. All you can do is change the way that you and your DH deal with the frustrations. She sounds like a total loser and will always be a loser. I can bet that she is envious of your happy life with DH. Take pride in your family and the happier you are the more it's going to piss her off, that is the ultimate revenge.
thansk for the
thansk for the responses....it's nice to know I'm not alone. I've had a night to sleep on it, and I'm less angry then I was when I originally posted.
bmo73: you're so right, living well is the best revenge. When DH and I got together, he was still struggling to recover from a divorce that wiped him out financially and I was a poor student. We literally had nothing, but BM was married to her 2nd husband and they were doing okay with the 2 incomes. So, it was like she could afford to be "nicer" to DH because her life was so much better than his, and she felt sorry for him (please note the sarcasm). But then I got my degree and started working full time, and DH got a job with the federal gov't making a good wage....suddenly she wasn't so accomodating anymore. DH and I both know that this stems from jealousy and envy....DH was supposed to be the one that "failed" in life, he was supposed to be miserable, and broke and pathetic for the rest of his life because of all the horrible things he did to her (in BM's mind). So, because that isn't the case, and because we live a comfortable life financially (We're never going to be millionares, but we've always been careful with our money and can afford to do a lot of things BM can't), she's decided the only way she can "win" is by brainwashing and alienating SD from her dad. It's all stupid bullshit, as far as I'm concerned, but it is really starting to impact our family unit. To repeat, I love my SD but there are times when I wish DH could sign his rights away and we could be free from all this. Especially now that SD has little interest in being with our family....I question how DH and I benefit from this at all.