I am new here. Just getting familiar with the lingo, so sorry for any mistakes. I am married and my husband has a daughter from his previous marriage. She is going to be 8. (So sd8). We have been married for almost two years and things would be perfect if it weren't for the ex (BM). My husband has moved on from his divorce and would be perfectly accepting of the custody arrangement (every other weekend and a few hours during the week)if the BM wasn't such a nutjob. She is a terrible mother, and does not make decisions in the best interest of her child, and hardly spends any time with her. She is belligerent and uncooperative with my husband and tries to bully him into things that she wants. She was diagnosed with PPD after she had her daughter in '03 but it has morphed into something worse now (we think full blown depression or bi-polar disorder). As far as we know, she is on some anti-depressant but it doesn't seem to be the right one, or maybe she is off of it, but she refuses to get any help because she thinks her sh*@ doesn't stink and that she is an awesome mom and has no problems.

We would love to get the custody agreement changed so that we are able to have sd8 more often, to give her a more stable environment. She is having behavior problems in school and at home with her mother and things are only getting worse. We have been taking her to counseling and doing the best we can. She is usually pretty good with us because she knows the rules and what is expected of her at our house, but we still have behavior challenges with her from horrible habits and behaviors picked up at home (eating issues, lying). We are in the process of filing for court-appointed mediation, which is the next legal step for us, before we consider any further legal actions. We would love to sue her for custody, but besides not having the money or time for legal battles, we don't even know if we would win, or if this would be best for sd8.

There has just been so much drama lately, especially with the holidays (same every year) that we are fed up. Luckily for us we have a strong marriage and are figuring out how to work through all of this without it affecting us too much, but the stress is still always there.

Sd8 is a wonderful, smart, beautiful child that I love as much as if she were my own. It breaks my heart to see her in the situation that she is in, and am so very frustrated and feel so powerless to help her. I am surprised that my DH hasn't had a stroke or heart attack yet from all the stress. And on top of all this, we are trying for our own baby and just recently suffered a miscarriage.

Sorry this is so long, but I am just so exhausted and frustrated and fed up. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. It is good to find a place where there are others going through similar situations as us.