Great to have you here...

Details please?

My two step sons do this constantly...my husband says it is to build BM's ego. I personally think that they are old enough (11 and almost 13) to know the difference between truth and lies.

The lies are just basic - they dont like me, I am mean, I am mean to their Dad, they dont like my kids etc...however they are completely happy while they are at our home (50/50 EOWeek).

What lies are your skids telling? I woudl be irrate if it was lies could get me in trouble - ie. abuse, neglect, illegal activities,etc.

Well, it is a slap in the face! But, sadly, you might want to get used to it. I believe that children can be very manipulative and your sd sures shows the signs. In the future, maybe just let her use the phone if you or her dad are right there. Frankly, there isn't any reason for her to call her Mom probably and just sets you up for possible future conflict. Just wait till she hits puberty!
I totally understand how you feel not wanting to do anything for her. But again, now is the time for DH to get on board with you about the ground rules, and then sit the little princess down and tell her how things are going to be at your house.
Hang in there!

Welcome to my world! My ss is 12 and he's been making up things about me since he has been 4. He would also tell teachers, my dh, inlaws, etc-not just bm-all designed to make me look bad. Every year I had to "prove myself" with the teachers because they thought I was some wicked witch. SS, for the most part doesnt say horrible things, just enough to give a bad view of me and then he looks pitiful. Things like-telling his mom that I couldnt care less what he does and I made him go outside and wait for her pickup-when what I really said is he could go outside if he liked to wait for his mom who was due to arrive in 5 minutes. I've also been accused of the phone thing many times when ss was younger. He would tell his bm that I did not allow him to call her. He never even freaking asked!! Ever!! As he got older I would even suggest that I call.This past weekend-all the other kids were out swimming in the lake, but poor ss went out on the porch and sat down next to dh hanging his head. Of course, dh says, why arent you swimming with the other kids. his response was, "Stepmonster said i couldn't". When in reality I never discussed swimming with him at all, but had told my oldest daughter that ss shouldnt be out in the lake on his own because he cant really swim. This was earlier in the day when he got in the lake by himself. Which I actually sat out there and supervised him rather than telling him to get out. She told him that he shouldnt swim by himself later. So it's just constant. I will say that it had decreased considerably-because there came a point where everyone started realizing he was lying. Too many different stories and this stuff doesn't work nearly as well for him. However, it is still hard for mommy and daddy to completely believe that he is lying specifically to make me look bad so bm still believes him at times and dh makes excuses about how he is lying-saying he is confused or some crap like that. If I were you I would call sd out every time she does it-make dh aware of every lie you catch her in. If relations are bad with bm u are gonna have a hard time getting her to see "the truth". What I did eventually, was tell bm some of the things ss was saying about her. She was shocked-made same excuses as dh-oh, he's confused etc. However, I kind of shut her down when I told her that he specifically said, "My mom spends all her money on beer and cigarettes and none on me". It's hard to confuse his intentions in making that statement.

This is very typical behavior, unfortunately. All you can do, as the stepmother, is to grin and bear it. You can be sad, mad or punch a hole in the wall when you're alone.

Do not isolate this girl. She's going to try to play her parents against each other and then you against her father. Case book behavior and it sounds like both your husband (to a point) and BM are falling prey to her tactics.

My SS was 9 when both he and my now DH proposed to me. Yes, they both proposed. DH asked SS to be his "best man" and he helped us plan the wedding. And SS was really happy, right up until the day of the wedding. During the ceremony, he broke down. Reality hit him that his parents were really never going to be together again. Kids have to process these things in their own way. And you need to let them.

There should definitely be consequences for lying. That's just not allowed.

Include SD in family functions, give her responsibilities and set boundaries for her and she'll be happy.

I would tell SD that in future her father is responsible for helping her call her mother. Because he IS her daddy, not you. And then smile and walk away.

Then tell your STBH that in future his daughter will be asking him for help to call her mother because this is really HIS job not yyours. If it means coming in from mowing 1/2 the lawn or watching ManTV... oh well!

He is handing this off to you because he doesn't want to do it. however this is HIS daughter, not yours. He had sex with her mother and 'begat' his little princess. Not you.

And when you get a moment alone with the little one, tell her that causing trouble by lying about you is unacceptable and shows she doesn't really care for you at all. So in future you cannot do *insert activity she loves doing with you* with her because she is likely to make up stories again. Which makes you sad.

Have you considered the cost of getting her mother's love is to be your personal enemy? Mummy love her on condition she hates you or gets you into hot water. Her mother hates you and as your wedding day approaches she will do ANTHING to make you miserable.

She doesn't like you. She won't like you. She will NEVER respect your place as STBH's wife. So get over it and ignore the crap. Or else don't marry the guy.