Hey everyone, I've been reading this site pretty much all day.

My story...

I've been dating my now fiance' for 3 years. We got engaged in January. I am 40 and have no kids. Fiance' has 3 daughters from a previous marriage, ages 20, 19, and 14. He was married for 14 years, and has been divorced for 8. I love him very much, and know he is a good man. Before I met him, I had ZERO experience dating anyone with kids. The way I feel about my life now is pretty much Baptism by FIRE. I thought I had developed a good situation with his kids, and have met the exwife (we all sat down and had dinner together over the Christmas holidays). All signs were a go to me, I thought "Hey, this can be ok. We can all be adults and get along. This has been uncomfortable to me many times throughout--I have really no experience with divorce. My parents were not divorced. My parents supported each other. HOW DARE THEY NOT PREPARE ME FOR THIS? Ha--just kidding.

We got engaged in January. 5 days later, the girls showed up at their Dad's doorstep begging to live with him. He previously had every other weekend and one night per week visitation. Their BM had scared them--the girls said she had been staying up drinking all night, and wasn't caring for herself or for them. FI had no knowledge of this, and they admitted they had been covering for her for the past 6 months or so. She apparently blacked out, and they had had enough. FI talked about it with me, and we said "Of course." They tried to get help for their mom, but a few days later she denied having a problem. Within one week the girls went back to her house and the older 2 haven't talked to either one of us since. They are angry at their dad, because as I see it, their mom manipulated them into coming back in part by telling them their dad had an affair when they were married, and they blame him for her drinking problem. He had already told me about the affair, and I believe him when he says he felt horribly guilty about it. He told her on his own. I didn't take it well at first, as part of me was afraid that "once a cheater always a cheater" but after talking to him extensively about it, I believe he suffered great guilt over it (it was a one time thing, not an ongoing affair).

Anyway, since then, things have been pretty horrible. He told me she had an escalating drinking problem during their marriage, which in large part led to its ruin. She blamed him then, and he sort of bought it. He thought she seemed 100% better after their divorce.

Since January, she has made life miserable in so many ways--I think the woman is crazy. She is now accusing him of child abuse for grabbing one daughter by the arms to keep her from storming off about 4 years ago. I actually feel sorry for him, and have gotten a good glimpse of how noncustodial dad's are dealt a really tough hand. My dad slapped my face one time when I was 15 for being disrespectful. He was right--I was totally out of line. I learned a lesson. It's not like my dad abused me. He grabs one arm when one of the girls was really testing him and he gets sent to anger management classes or else his kids refuse to see him. The ex discredits him in front of the kids, acts like he is a crappy dad, and horrible human being. If I hadn't seen how this has all gone down, I would believe HER! But I've seen her craziness long enough to know she is making most of it up, and dramatizing the rest.

I don't want to make this a novel, but it just keeps escalating. So much drama. Now all they do is fight over the girls. Who is going to take whom to court for what. The EX blocked me from contacting her kids. The youngest one called me crying because she didnt know I was blocked and she didn't want me to be upset with her. BROKE MY HEART. We all texted each other when things were good, not like everyday--but just a couple of times to make weekend plans. One asked me to a ballgame, one wanted to know what time I got off work so we could make dinner plans--NOTHING excessive at all. I've reached out to them one time since January just to say I was thinking of them. They didn't respond. One wrote her dad an email of all the reasons she hated him. It's awful.

Truth is--GOOD GOD I don't need this. It really isn't my problem. I love my fiance' but feel I'm suffering because of all this garbage that has ZERO to do with me. I have no life drama. And I don't want to be obsessed with this. But I just don't know what to do. I am afraid of making mistakes. Probably already have. I called the EX because I am at wit's end with their inability to communicate and thought I could extend an olive branch and talk reasonably with her. She never called back, so i guess that's my answer. I am now horrified that she will somehow turn that into a statement that I am harrassing her. I never in one million years thought I was a person who would call someone's exwife to try to make things better, you know? But I did.

I hate this. And don't know what to do. I thought we could all work this out, but now feeling pretty hopeless. Thanks so much for reading if you made it to the end of this very long post! I've got so much frustration and anxiety built up over it. Advice welcome.